Going from 1 to 2 kids... how hard is it really?

[Swaddleblanket]

We want to try for a baby so there is 3 years between our children (ideal world, fingers crossed)

We don’t live anywhere near our families so we don’t have any external support.

I want to make sure I am as prepared as I can be for the challenges and I know there will be many, many things I haven’t even thought of so wanted to get an idea from parents who have made the leap to 2 children what you found hard and if you have any tips, tricks, advice etc.

Than you!

The biggest change is from 0 to 1 undoubtedly because you are totally unprepared for what it entails. 1 to 2 isn't without it's challenges ( I have a 2.9 year age gap between mine) but it is more manageable. I think the one thing you have to accept is to lower your standards with number 2. As others have said if you can keep your eldest in some.form of childcare it will help for some respite. I had a great routine with my eldest she slept and fed on schedule. With number 2, she was breastfed and we had a much looser routine. I still aimed for 7pm bedtimes though even if number 2 didn't cooperate all the time! The logistics can be tricky with 2 but as I said earlier, drop the standards (i.e. they don't need a bath every night). As they get older it's great they can be companions but they can just so easily be fighting so you do have to be prepared for a lot of 'he said,she said' which I guess.you don't get with an only child. While it is annoying I wouldn't change it.

I know this isn't the point of thread, but it's so lovely to hear that other people feel similar to me about having 2 children. DS was 3y10m when baby was born. The guilt was high as I couldn't give the eldest all my attention or play with him like he wanted. He was toilet trained which was good but like a previous poster, I was often breast feeding the baby to then hear shouts of "can you wipe my bottom"!! Bloody stressful.
Also agree that you have to be prepared to let the baby cry because you just can't be everywhere at once.
A good tip I had from a midwife was that its OK to give the baby half a feed, go to pick up eldest from nursery (insert any other task here) and then give the rest of the feed when you return home. I know that's not what would happen in the ideal world but second babies have sort of just got to fit in.

Hard work if you have a tricky second baby. I did and found the mum-guilt really difficult as I struggled with patience and exhaustion. No sitting around watching box-sets and breastfeeding like with the first.
With my first I had actually persuaded myself I was a pretty good mum, patient, fun and attentive. When my second came along, terrible sleeper and other issues, I realised how precarious that notion was. I went from self-congratulatory ‘good mum’ to barely hanging on. 3 year gap.
However, with another kind of baby and some support, things could have been very different and maybe I could have sailed through it like others.

Swaddle - I found it harder from 0-1 than 1-2. I think a lot of people have said that.

There’s 6 years between mines therefore it was incredibly helpful that my 6 year old was able to get on with things while I catered to the newborn. I don’t have advice on a lesser age gap I guess x

Reading this with interest. DS2 due in a few months and there will be a 3 month age gap. DS1 was incredibly hard work as a baby and not much easier as a toddler! Adorable but demanding.

I’m just praying for two things

1. DS2 is easier in some way, either more laid back or a better sleeper, or both!

1. That we don’t have a second wave lockdown. Trying to get through lockdown with a HG pregnancy, no nursery and a toddler has been hellish. I’m banking on nursery support for DS1 and a cleaner to help get us through the first few months of having a newborn. It would feel so unfair if both my bad pregnancy and newborn days were made ten times harder by lockdowns 😩

I’ve had a few friends swear to me that being pregnant with a toddler is harder than having a newborn and a toddler, so I’m holding on to that hope!

0 to 1 was jaw dropping here. 1-2 was a breeze and no 2 was a more difficult baby. DS was 3.5 and lovely. The baby, dd , was a bit like a chihuahua in a handbag and had to fit in. So much easier as I knew what to do. By golly she cried a lot though - she also learnt to cry to sleep though.

@FizzingWhizzbee123

Yes, pregnancy & toddler is harder then newborn & toddler I found, but mobile baby/young toddler & older toddler is harder than pregnancy IMO.

@FizzingWhizzbee123 just to reassure you- we had lockdown when DC2 was 8 weeks old. I knew I’d struggle with two so we always waited until we could afford older DC to be in nursery 3 days a week so I’d only have two two days a week. How well that went . I ended up with PND and really struggled so we went to stay with my parents for support (at the GP and HV recommendations). I also had CBT. Now 7 months old and things are so much better and I’m loving being a mum of two. Not to scare you but to say things get better and to get support if the worst happens and you’re locked down. Seeing the relationship already between the two kids makes my hurt explode every day.

Sorry that wasn’t reassuring at all just thought I’d say I’ve been in a similar position so solidarity more than anything!

There's just over 3 years between mine, I found the baby stage itself with DC2 much easier, I think the body is used to less sleep so it wasn't such a shock and I had more confidence in what I was doing.

The juggle was really difficult though, it took a while to get used to taking them both out on my own, and it felt very tricky giving both attention. I suffered awfully with PND/post natal anxiety after DC2 and it was a very difficult year.

When I went from one to two it wasn’t hard work at all really. The second baby just slotted into our lives and I was definitely much more relaxed than I had been after DC1 was born. I think in general you are just more laid back when the second one appears.

However, as easy as it was in the first few years, they are 3 and 6 now and it’s hard work!!!! The bickering, the arguing, the constantly fighting for my attention, one child wants to do one thing and the other wants to do something else......and good God the noise levels!!!!!!

There are so so so many benefits to having two children, in a lot of ways it’s amazing, but it can be very hard at times too as they get older.

For a few hours earlier the 6 year old was out the house and I couldn’t believe how calm and content my 3 year old was on his own and there was no noise or drama. It was bliss.

I said to my DH that I can understand why some people stick at one!

Much easier going from 1 to 2 than 0 to 1 by a long mile!