I tried to do something nice.

[Nawilotf]

So fed up. I got my kids a paddling pool from Argos for any warm days. Today's looking good. Excited 5 year old wanted it out. So I told her I would get it out straight away if she sits in the living room with her two year old brother whilst I filled it. I said they had one chance. If they followed me outside whilst I was filling it then it won't happen. She agreed..

I blew it up in the kitchen. Took it out the patio door and started filling it. They was watching me. Then 2 minutes later she opened the patio door and they both were charging towards me. So I turned the hose off. Tipped the tiny bit of water in it out and took them in. She started screaming. Having a meltdown. The toddler was also screaming.

I couldn't get her to calm down. When she did calm down abit I reminded her again. I wanted to fill it. Then put suncream on them whilst it warmed up and change my son's nappy and get them both into their costumes. So therefore now we can't do it.

She started screaming she will be good. But ive said no now. I've told her that when her dad's home we will have to do it as she has proven it's not safe for me to do it alone without another grown up to help.

So now I've got two hot miserable kids. But it's impossible to do it safely when she won't listen. Our gardens got steps and stones and I didn't want the toddler leaping in when I still need to go inside again for stuff.

Nothing is ever nice 😡

Do you suffer from anxiety op? I know water can be very dangerous for children. You are blowing the risk aspect of filling a paddling
pool up WAY out of proportion though

What time do they wake up? Maybe next sunny day, prepare the pool early in the morning, lock the back door, breakfast, sun cream then tell them and they can run straight out.

It’s so hard for children of that age to do anything other than live in the moment. I eventually learned not to mention anything until it was a certainty and to do as much anticipating and preparation in advance as possible.

@Nawilotf

Um.. they're your kids. You cant blame their generation for not doing as they're told. They're little; not exposed massively to their generation. It's your parenting.

If they dont follow instructions, then that's your parenting. Not their generation.

My kids are almost 9 and 7. They follow instructions. They of course have the occasional "no no no" moments, but its few and far between. It's not the "generation". Its the parenting.

I wouldn't have handled today the way you did because I know how to treat children when they are hot, excited and riled up. It's nothing to do with letting them rule to roost or run riot. Its reading the room and being calm and controlled and understanding.

Why don't you get them ready and then they can help you while you fill it. It don't take longer to fill while they're in it

So you've decided your 7 and 9 year old listen because I'm a shit parent and you know how to parent.

Thanks alot!

Jeez!

People are just suggesting different approaches to your "problem." They aren't attacking your parenting.

There are various ways of tackling most issues, but you seem to be throwing a strop because on this occasion the one you chose hasn't worked and has backfired.

None of us are perfect parents and we have almost certainly all had moments like this more often than we care to count. I've had three children (grown up now) and my share of what felt like disasters (but weren't).

I would revise this one strike and out approach and expecting an excited 5 year old to mind an equally excited 2 year old. I think it is expecting far too much of both of them.

@Itsarattrap she could have done that. Or went out and plopped the hose in the pool and got the children ready in the house while it filled. Or got the children ready and they could have gone out and filled the pool together.
Instead she chose the most awkward way of doing it, and now everyone’s screaming and upset and the children have to lose out because their excitement got the better of them. If they were my children I’d have laughed at their excitement, and then herded them back into the house reminding them that they have to stay inside while the pool fills. I hope the op isn’t this draconian with these babies all the time

I get your frustration. I would expect a 5 year old to do as they're told. Although it's not really fair that her sibling miss out too.
In future I would just prepare everything first, suncream when they get up, towels ready etc. You could fill the pool this evening and cover it so it's ready for tomorrow

Ah, this hasn't been a great start to your day all round. Start again.

Get the kids ready and all go out and full the pool together. Enjoy the sun.

Are you serious? What are you suggesting? I'm cruel to them?

I'm actually shocked that you are accusing me of child abuse. What exactly do you think I do to them? You think I'm damaging them? .

So I blew a pool up and went outside to fill it. I've gone around it in the most awful way? I did everything wrong. So now your concerned that my kids live like this all the time? Based on my skills to set a paddling pool up?

Are you serious? Am I really that bad?

@Nawilotf

No. You made the snarky comment that this is the generation of kids who dobt listen so that's the reason and you should just let them rule the parent.

That's not what anyone has said. You cannot blame their generation if they dont follow your rules. They're tiny children. It's entirely your parenting; not their generation.

Clearly, the way you handle conflict and highly stressed and excited children isnt working. So maybe listen to the advice you've been given and try some other approaches, because it does sometimes work. As evidence by my kids, and many people's kids.

They all have their moments and challenges, but life isnt a constant battle with "nothing ever being nice".

OP, I have a 4yo who listens to nothing at all. Nothing. I’d say I’m patient... 90% of the time? Ask repeatedly/ distract as necessary/ reinforce good behaviour and listening etc etc.

Then the other 10%... when we’ve had days of not listening? Or he does something particularly dangerous/ silly after repeated requests/ instructions?

Those times I behave like you have with the paddling pool. And then I feel like shit. Which I’m guessing you do too, or you wouldn’t have posted?

There’s two separate things here- and this applies to me and my parenting too!-

1. Children do not always listen to parents - some less than others
2. Parents are human and make mistakes/ overreact etc- particularly in response to number 1!

It’s how we deal with issue number 2 that defines us IMO. You can be honest with your DD (“mummy overreacted but it was because I was trying to look after you. I should have given you another chance to listen and I’m sorry I got it wrong. Can we listen this time?”) and I GUARANTEE her respect for you and what you say will shoot up, and form a solid base for working on “good listening”.

I don’t think the “Do it because I said so” approach is helpful with bright children or the over 3s. At 5, you can explain to her the “why”- give her all the info (Eg why you want her to stay inside) and see what happens in terms of compliance.

OP, as my grandmother used to say, you’re an argument looking for somewhere to happen.

Actually OP your responses here have been all about you and how awful it is for you. Even your thread title 'i tried to do something nice' screams that you think the children were deliberately doing something to get at you. Stop attaching adult responses to children. They acted like kids. You over reacted massively.

Oh get a grip op. You really are ridiculously dramatic. People are just pointing out that you gone about things the wrong way, and the punishment is too harsh for the crime. Where the hell did you get child abuse from that? I do actually feel sorry for your children having to live with a mother with your temper 🙄

5yo’s seem so much more capable when compared to 2yo’s. But that doesn’t mean that your DD is always going to understand exactly what you mean, especially in this scenario.

You caused the drama by sticking to your one chance rule when they are excited little kids. But giving you the benefit of the doubt, lockdown had been hard and if your DD has been defiant then I understand you wanting to set boundaries, I just don’t personally think this was the right way to go about it.
Have another go today, maybe start the pool filling up first then go get them ready. Then by the time they’re ready it should be full enough for you all to enjoy. it won’t be warm but honestly the kids won’t care.

Also be gentle on yourself. Parenting does come with rough days that we’ve all experienced.

@Nawilotf

It's early. You can rescue today. Or you can spend it in strop while your kids are miserable and you shout at people on the internet because you dont like hearing some unsettling truths and advice.

Or... you can take a different approach. Have a quick chat about what she did wrong (ignoring instructions). Explain quickly why it's dangerous to do that. Dont lecture; they wont take it in.
Give her 2 choices; sit inside being sad all day, or help with a couple of chores and then to all go out to play. Give her a couple of easy chores; praise her when she completes them and follows the instructions. Give her her swimming suit and ask her to try and put it on, sit the baby down and go outside and turn on the hose.
Remind her that she is getting the pool because she followed your instructions with the chores and isnt it good when you do as your told and get something fun.

Make it positive not negative and use it to teach her.

@BobbieDraper

Clearly you've found it easy. Lucky you. Some mums are all rainbows and picnics. I guess I shouldn't have had them based on the horror of a couple of users.

If I was told to watch tele for ten minutes for a day in the paddling pool and my dad got accused of being a bad parent I would question why? I have taken in the comments. Most are fine. But the odd one calling me a shit parent that hasn't got an understanding about handling kids is abit unfair. Now someone above is worried my kids live in such a horrible way all the time. When did watching bing and being told to wait become me not understanding kids.

If my garden was safer then I'd be more relaxed. But I have to be out with them. I was just trying to do the easiest thing so they could play without bickering. I had no bad intentions. I'm not a horrible wicked mum. I love my kids. I was trying my best.

Lockdown is crap.

I wish I had the patience and expertise that people on here have. It's great that Tim and Tom always listen. But mine dont. When I try and teach them to listen I get told I'm a bully. So how do you raise kids. Who knows. Clearly I'm wrong.

I am going now anyway. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

@Nawilotf

Are you serious? What are you suggesting? I'm cruel to them?

I'm actually shocked that you are accusing me of child abuse. What exactly do you think I do to them? You think I'm damaging them? .

So I blew a pool up and went outside to fill it. I've gone around it in the most awful way? I did everything wrong. So now your concerned that my kids live like this all the time? Based on my skills to set a paddling pool up?

Are you serious? Am I really that bad?

No one is accusing anyone of child abuse that I can see. I dont think you’re getting much out of this thread OP so probably a good time to walk away. Many people have suggested ways to make it easier for you... this isn’t a criticism of your parenting. You think your way was the right way and your 5 year old should have listened... well that’s fine too. It didn’t work on this occasion and now you are all stressed and upset, so you can either think of different ways of managing it or carry on as you are but accept you’ll have days like this.

Alrighty then... I think the OP is bored and at the wind up quite honestly.

The reaction was OTT, the responses she's given are utterly ridiculous.

Op, seriously, do your children a favour. Get off Mumsnet, say exactly what @SickOfNorthernExile suggested to your children, get the paddling pool back out and enjoy the rest of your day x

I would let them sit in it while it fills, they are excited and you are probably a bit nervous about what can go wrong.

@Nawilotf

Patience, understanding and realising that you dont win battles by being belligerent. I'm a single parent, have been since my youngest was 4 weeks old. I cant do that "wait till your dad gets home" bit. There isnt any help so, you learn to be in control. And if you cant, like you know you're going to shout... walk away, breathe and then go back to the situation. It isnt going anywhere so you can take a time out for yourself and then deal with it.

There is always a way to teach a lesson, and yes there is always something you can remove when they dont listen. But if removing that thing will make your entire day worse, then it isnt worth it. Distract them for an hour with a chore or task to make up for it, teach them that they had to do that because of their behaviour and next time, they could skip it by listening etc.
There is always a way if you keep cool.

Incidentally, my youngest has a best friend whose mum is always saying "I will phone your dad to speak to you" or "wait till your dad gets home" because she cant handle anything. The kid is the rudest most tantrum having, attention seeming kid I know.

I think the phrase ‘cutting off your nose to spite your face’ is apt here.

The first try didn’t go exactly to plan so now they don’t get to use the really exciting padding pool that they’ve been looking forward to and is now sitting invitingly in the garden. That is bound to cause a tantrum.

Both you and your children will be miserable. What a lovely day.

Or, you can try again, put the hose on in the pool, come inside get them ready and then go out together and have a fun day with your children.

You sound stressed and overly anxious.
You definitely over reacted. Like you weighed the whole thing up as being a nightmare before it even was.
Put suncream and costumes on. Blow pull up. Stick it out side . Stick the hose in it. Stick them in it. Theyl soon jump out if its cold.
If they spray the hose everywhere ; even better. It’s fun.

Try and relax