Controlled Crying Questions

[PeacefulInTheDeep]

DH and I are at our wits end with our DD's sleep and in the next few days will be trying controlled crying. No judgement please - I know CC isn't popular on MN but we're out of options.

I have a couple of questions which I can't seem to find the answer to, so I'm hoping someone here might have the experience to help me.

1. DD currently sleeps overnight and for about half of her naps in the bedside crib in our bedroom. The rest of her naps are in the carrier or pram. Do we need to let her have some naps in the cot in her room to get her used to it as a sleep environment before we do CC? Or do we just put her in there the first night we do CC?

1. I've seen conflicting advice on whether to do CC at bedtime only or whether to do it for naps too after the first night. What are people's experiences of this?

I want to make this as effective as possible for everyone involved, so any advice will be greatly appreciated. I've posted in both Sleep and parenting for maximum traffic.DH and I are at our wits end with our DD's sleep and in the next few days will be trying controlled crying. No judgement please - I know CC isn't popular on MN but we're out of options.

I have a couple of questions which I can't seem to find the answer to, so I'm hoping someone here might have the experience to help me.

1. DD currently sleeps overnight and for about half of her naps in the bedside crib in our bedroom. The rest of her naps are in the carrier or pram. Do we need to let her have some naps in the cot in her room to get her used to it as a sleep environment before we do CC? Or do we just put her in there the first night we do CC?

1. I've seen conflicting advice on whether to do CC at bedtime only or whether to do it for naps too after the first night. What are people's experiences of this?

I want to make this as effective as possible for everyone involved, so any advice will be greatly appreciated. I've posted in both Sleep and Parenting for maximum traffic.

Ooops, pasted twice, sorry! Blame the lack of sleep :/

How old is your DD?

She needs to be in her own room - CC isn't going to work overnight if she can see you and your DH in the bed next to her!

But tbh all of this depends on how old she is. How does she normally get to sleep?

Just so you know I've known a few people who've done it and you've got to be prepared for it not to work. It will be heartbreaking and it could make her more clingy op because she thinks you're leaving her op.

Also remember it shouldn't be done before six months as can permanently alter their brain chemistry. If it gets too much and they start being sick, you really really need to stop.

NHS guidelines.

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/controlled-crying-safe-for-babies/

I'm only saying this because it frequently doesnt work and then you have the bloody guilt to deal with too. :(

Some questions, how old is dd? How is baby fed? What is your current routine to get dd to sleep?
Imo cio is tough on both infant and parent alike and so I never used it. From personal experience I couldn't live with the guilt and I realised that the only thing I was teaching was that no one comes when you cry.
Lack of sleep is quite literally torture so you have my deepest sympathy.
Does dd sleep through when she does sleep?

Yes but cio isn't controlled crying and anecdotally, literally everyone I know who tried it had success. Talking myself, sister, cousin and three friends.

But - baby needs to be at least 6 months and in own room. Initially just leave for literally a few seconds, a minute at most. Gradually increase the time. Took DD half an hour on the first night, after that it was less and less. Whole thing took less than a week and was far, far less stressful than her being unable to sleep, getting worked up through overtiredness, and DH and I also getting no sleep. Controlled crying doesn't, IME, mean more crying. Quite the opposite.

Controlled crying worked for my three very hard to settle Velcro babies. Just make sure your baby is over six months, a healthy weight and not poorly or likely to have a dirty nappy. I did it at six months with my first , nine months with my second and a year with my third . In hindsight six months was a bit young - was easier with the slightly older ones as they were established on solids and so I knew they definitely weren't waking with hunger.
I would start it for bedtimes in the cot. This was the real sanity saver for me - cracking bedtime- as in we could put the baby down for bed at 7pm and know they would self settle and sleep for a good chunk of time- before it had been hours of feeding to sleep , putting in cot asleep then half hour later baby would wake up crying and would have to start again
It is really hard and you need to be really motivated - a lot of people really don't approve either but sleep is really important for physical and mental health for everyone so personally I think it is worth a few nights of feeling guilty for the long term health benefits of good sleep routines
It took us three evenings - the first one was awful and took an hour and a half of crying - we were going in at increasing intervals , second night about half an hour and the third night ten minutes - from then on bedtimes were so easy - just had to make sure they went into the cot awake.
I did still feed at night if they woke but had a cutoff point - to start with i fed if they woke after midnight - any wakings before i wouldn't though they didn't tend to wake up - then I gradually pushed this time back till they were sleeping through - this could mean having to do cc in the middle of the night on occasion but after tackling bed times this was never such an issue - same with naps - once they've learned to self settle at bedtime everything else seems to follow
Mine have never had any issues with sleep since and they were the worst sleepers as young babies - my third went from co sleeping in our bed , feeding all the time in the night ,to sleeping through in a cot in his room in three nights and I never thought it would work for him

Thank you everyone for your responses. I'll try to answer all the questions you've posed.

@Footlooseandfancy she's 5.5 months. We are thinking about doing CC next weekend when she'll be very nearly 6 months.

@Somethingorotherorother Yes, I completely understand that she needs to be in her own room. What I'm not sure about is whether I need to get her used to napping in there in the cot for a few days using normal settling methods before we try CC.

To get her to sleep I sing a specific song as I close the curtains etc as a sleep cue. Then I hold her, shush and pat her back until she's asleep. Sometimes she's out in under 5 minutes, and sometimes she'll fuss, whimper, groan and generally wind down for a bit first. At bedtime it can take 20 minutes or more. I hold her for a minute once she's asleep, as she often startles and whimpers. Then I turn on the white noise, lower her into the crib, and give her the dummy. I wait by the crib for 5 minutes and then remove the dummy as she doesn't really spit it out and if it's left in she just dozes for a while and then gets all upset. Increasingly I'm finding she needs my hand on her chest at this stage too.

We did pick-up-put-down at one point and could put her down drowsy but awake. But the 4 month regression hit hard and she needed more comfort to get to sleep. Every time I find something that works, it lasts for just a few days and then I need to add something more, which is how we've ended up where we are. Short of holding her all night, I'm not sure what else I could be doing at this stage.

I have an opportunity to nap now, so I'm going to take it. I'll be back later!

OP - i have been where you are. My DS was a terrible sleeper. it got to the stage where I was falling down the stairs, I just couldnt keep going.

I really think under 6 months is just too young. she isnt mature enough yet. can you hang on a bit? have you considered gradual retreat which is a bit more gentle? it worked for my DS at 7 and a bit months.

how often does she wake at night? does she still feed at night? is she really difficult to settle when she wakes. I mean this kindly, her going to sleep sounds pretty good! my DS would only feed to sleep and it was taking him longer and longer.

I wouldn’t judge and I’m not against CC per say, but your baby is still very young and a lot will change naturally over the next few months. As others have said, she should probably be in her own room. You may find she sleeps a lot better in there than she does in your room.

I'm not against CC but I did it when DS was nearly 8 months old and in his own room. I would wait a bit longer (I know its hard, believe me).

I would echo what others said... Obviously you can ignore what I say but my two cents, we did CC at 12 months with the help of a sleep consultant as it was taking 2+hours of crying to get my little boy to sleep and he was still waking 3/4 times.

I couldn't have done this at a younger age, I had to know more about him to understand his cues, he would be OK without milk in the night etc. I was happy to still feed in the night up to 12 months. I also still liked him in my room when he was 5/6 months. And he was still napping in his pram a lot at this age and CC needs cot sleeps.

If it was me I would try gentler methods at this stage. Controlled crying is horrible and I think your little one is just too young.

It sounds like she goes to sleep really well at the moment. Honestly, I'm not sure what you think you'll gain from CC?

That sounds age appropriate to me - there's a load of development going on from 4 months onwards than can affect sleep as can introducing food. Is she waking up loads at night? You might find that being in her own room changes things anyway, mine had better quality sleep once they were in their own rooms (as did I!)

We did CC at about 10 months because bedtime was taking over an hour and consisted of me being repeatedly pinched for that hour while we cuddled. DC was a bloody awful sleeper from 4-18 months, solved one problem and then another one came up so I do sympathise. The lack of sleep is a killer.

You might need a sleep consultant as it's so difficult to hear your baby crying and feel like you are not comforting them. We used Carol Mae Grassick who is excellent.

My only advice is that if you decide to do it, then pick a technique and really commit, stick to it 100% and be consistent. The hardest thing for babies is when parents change their technique all the time. Then babies just get confused and you can end up in a much worse muddle than before.

So if you decide to do spaced soothing (a much nicer term for controlled crying) then do it the exact same way every time.

There’s always another option. Read up on biologically normal sleep for a baby this age.

I'm not sure why op needs a sleep consultant - that's just paying a lot of money for someone else to talk you through controlled crying or to do the controlled crying for you which I think would be much harder on the baby having a stranger coming in and out while they're learning to self settle.

I'm not sure why op needs a sleep consultant - that's just paying a lot of money for someone else to talk you through controlled crying or to do the controlled crying for you which I think would be much harder on the baby having a stranger coming in and out while they're learning to self settle.

I'm not sure why op needs a sleep consultant - that's just paying a lot of money for someone else to talk you through controlled crying or to do the controlled crying for you which I think would be much harder on the baby having a stranger coming in and out while they're learning to self settle.

Apologies for multiple posts !

She’s still so young op, I know it’s hard but give it time.

Establish a good sleep routine and go from there.

5.5 months! Gosh give it time.

Yes, she needs to be in her own room. But she needs to be actually used to it, rather than using it for a couple of days and then just heading out. Controlled crying is traumatic for babies anyway, putting them in an unfamiliar space to do it just seems unnecessarily cruel to my mind. I'd give a month or so for her to get used to the room first.

As for naps, I don't think there's a right answer per se. Can make things awkward for visitors though. I didn't do controlled crying with mine (though she was a lot worse than yours at sleeping by the sounds of it!) but a friend did. It took them a couple of months to get the baby to give up on asking for comfort, and in the meantime visitors would sit downstairs at naptime with the baby's mum and listen as the poor thing sobbed miserably until the arbitrary time limit for suffering was reached. It was very uncomfortable to listen to.