Neighbour letting children play in the driveway near naked?

[yonnie2011]

We have a neighbour who lets her 3 children play in the driveway with just a pair of knickers on. Her youngest son and daughter are about 3 years old max so it is expected at that age but her other daughter is probably at least 9/10 years old (she is much bigger and taller than my 8 year old DD who is considered tall). Is it just me or is that way too old to be in outside with no top and just a pair of knickers?
I would understand if it was just their garden but they play on scooters etc in the driveway (we live in a cul-de-sac) all the time. Today I went out with DS18 and DD8 and as we walked past them we tried not to look and my son was obviously very embarassed.
I would ask the parents to encourage the older girl to cover up a bit more but they moved in just before the outbreak from abroad so they don't speak English (I think they are east European). Should I put a note in their letterbox so they could translate it maybe?
Sorry for the long post but I just want to make sure I am not being unreasonable before putting something through the letterbox.

Hyerin, you'd think if she has started 'budding' she wouldn't want to do it. She must be very young for her age. I don't know what you can do about it, frankly. It won't be summer forever and by next year, she'll probably have outgrown running around undressed. I do hope so.

Ok so posters who think its ok would you let your daughter of 9/10 play in the street in their underpants? Really?

Ok so posters who think its ok would you let your daughter of 9/10 play in the street in their underpants? Really?

I guarantee you it would be zero! I’m getting really annoyed with mumsnet users like the ones keep insisting it’s all fine and innoncent. Yes to the kids it’s innocent but not to the perverts out there! Don’t act like they don’t exist!

I don’t know whether it’s due to covid, or if it’s always been like this, but I feel there’s no point in ever posting on AIBU about anything! For information it is good, but to get real life advice it’s appalling and not reflective of what majority of people would actually do or think. I’ve come across so many threads this weekend where the OP has just been getting attacked. It’s just bullying in a cowardly way behind a screen.

Op my advice - don’t put letter in. Get friendly with family and overtime try discussing it - there must be someone who can translate for you. But get friendly with them first. Say hello every time you see mum.

Northernsoullover Sat 11-Jul-20 23:04:00
Ok so posters who think its ok would you let your daughter of 9/10 play in the street in their underpants? Really?
........
Absolutely not. I wouldn't let them play in the street anyway. However the op said they were playing in the drive (neither would I have allowed that with or without clothes; kids play in the house, in the back garden or at the park but never the front). Certainly the least the parents can do is make sure their children are dressed.

Like a PP I would object to underwear on display (male and female) but not to being topless for girls - but then I am not in the UK.

But my adult son being embarassed by a female body (esp. pre-pubescent) would concern me, but I would not expect another female to alter her behaviour for a man least of all in her own space.
This w ould come to me under the umbrella of 'she's asking for it'.

There is a house directly behind mine and on a hill so I look directly into their garden when I am upstairs if you see what I mean.

Their son plays outside naked. He is SEN, and possibly around eight or nine.

I do feel a little awkward about it. I am sure people will say that the problem is mine: it doesn’t change how I feel.

Love seeing kids playing like this! Freedom!!! .. they get very little of it these days. Think it’s such a shame. I’ve got an 8 year old that will still strip off to his pants on any occasion should the situation need it. It makes me cringe when kids won’t go in the sea in there pants because there parents have taught them to be prudes.

Ok so posters who think its ok would you let your daughter of 9/10 play in the street in their underpants? Really?
Of course they wouldn't. It's just fun to sit at home and criticise anyone who openly says it's not the norm to see junior school children in the street in their underwearm so they understand why someone may feel uncomfortable by it.

Poster in real life: wouldn't consider allowing their child to play almost naked in the street/front garden because they know it isn't the norm and who knows who is wandering around
Same poster on Mumsnet: OMG if you think there's anything unusual about a half naked 10 year old in the street then that's concerning. You must have issues if you're a woman and if a boy/man feels awkward then he obviously has concerning thoughts. You're basically victim blaming the child. Why are you policing women and girls' bodies? Why should a girl change how she dresses because it makes a man uncomfortable?

I wouldn’t mind, the main part was being covered, but then a lot of my family are full blown nudists! Adult women go topless on beaches In European Countries, there’s nothing sexual about it

OverTheRainbow88
Yes, but I bet they wouldn't be mowing their front lawn in nothing but bikini bottoms.

Something doesn't have to be sexual to be outside of norms and create awkwardness.

I wear a bikini on the beach and enjoyed some visits to clothing optional beaches, but I wouldn't go to the supermarket in it.

My local supermarket put out a note saying people had to have tops on one summer because seemingly loads of men decided everyone needed subjecting to their half naked form whilst browsing the bread. Context is everything.

Why was your son embarrassed? It's easy enough not to look

Tbh no I wouldn't let my dd age 10 run about the street (not that this child is on the street she's on her property) in pants, I dont think she'd want to but I wouldn't think it my business if someone else did and certainly wouldn't stick my nose in and write them a letter ffs. Dd does run about the street in a bikini though during a water fight etc that's only marginally different. Tbh her pants cover more than her bikini anyway as she likes boxer style. The age is surely irrelevant in regards to peadophiles as the one passing might prefer 3 year old boys. Also something to note is that all my DD's EE friends happen to be incredibly tall. Dd2 has friends the same height as dd1 who is 4 school years above. She could well be younger than you think

It's back to the issue of the Brits being a bit weird about nudity. In the rest of Europe it is pretty standard to let pre-teen girls just wear bikini bottoms. Reference all the recent threads about toddlers seeing their parents naked.

Once you said they were European, it made sense. That's just what they are used to doing.

Can I just point out that paedophiles don't spring into action only when there is skin on show. If they are perving on your children they will do so whether they are dressed from head to toe or not.

@vintageyoda yes you have a point there! But I’m more concerned about any sickos taking pictures of her and uploading to awful sites where perverts will be viewing them especially as OP said she was “blossoming/budding”.

I feel sick when I’m at the beach and I’ve see phones being directed towards children being changed Openly. You just never know what disgusting person is around. I always change my kids hidden away with a towel around them. Not because I’m ashamed of their bodies or anything!

Obviously I don’t know if the kids are actually being filmed! Probably not but your mind does wonder as everyone is on their phones and it’s do easy to do. There’s been so many reports of this being done

So it’s the 9 year olds fault your son was embarrassed? Tell him not to look ffs.

Baaaahhhhh Sun 12-Jul-20 13:05:51
It's back to the issue of the Brits being a bit weird about nudity. In the rest of Europe it is pretty standard to let pre-teen girls just wear bikini bottoms.
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On the beach, fine, grown women are topless there but not in their front drives surely.

And while many european countries don’t mind nakedness or a child going topless, at least in my country of origin underwear on display is very much not done. In the UK, girls have their underwear on show a lot (which i find really weird), definitely a no-go in some european countries where topless in a child is normal - but with shorts or swimming bottoms, NOT in underwear

especially as OP said she was “blossoming/budding”.

Did she?

@SoupDragon yes she did but under a different user name - herin something I think

Oh, it's one of those weird threads where the OP name changes after the first post 🙄

Lol! It’s happened to me when I switch from phone to iPad for some reason

Yanbu. I don't understand why people are saying the son shouldn't be embarrassed. I'd be embarassed and I think my kids would be too. The front of the house is not a beach setting. I'd feel embarassed at the dad being out the front with his shirt off too. For me it's just common decency to be dressed in these settings. At least wear a vest and a pair of shorts in hot weather. It's awkward for other people who dont know where to look. Also yes there are perverts around, I think it's neglectful to leave your 9 year old outside without proper clothing except in your back garden which is private. The front of the house is a public place, you wouldn't be in town in your underwear. To me it's the same.