Neighbour letting children play in the driveway near naked?

[yonnie2011]

We have a neighbour who lets her 3 children play in the driveway with just a pair of knickers on. Her youngest son and daughter are about 3 years old max so it is expected at that age but her other daughter is probably at least 9/10 years old (she is much bigger and taller than my 8 year old DD who is considered tall). Is it just me or is that way too old to be in outside with no top and just a pair of knickers?
I would understand if it was just their garden but they play on scooters etc in the driveway (we live in a cul-de-sac) all the time. Today I went out with DS18 and DD8 and as we walked past them we tried not to look and my son was obviously very embarassed.
I would ask the parents to encourage the older girl to cover up a bit more but they moved in just before the outbreak from abroad so they don't speak English (I think they are east European). Should I put a note in their letterbox so they could translate it maybe?
Sorry for the long post but I just want to make sure I am not being unreasonable before putting something through the letterbox.

Those people saying they're concerned about the son maybe consider that he's probably just left 6th form in a country where it's not the norm to see junior school children in the street wearing just their underwear. Finding that awkward or unusual doesn't mean he has a problem or there's anything untoward.

It wouldn't embarrass me but it would concern me due to safeguarding. I wouldn't want my kids outside with virtually nothing on - never know who is potentially watching them and their intentions.

Oh, and I agree with LolaSmiles

My dd now 12 has her hair cut short and only wears boys clothes. Up to last summer she wore only boys swim shorts on the beach or swimming. She is a tall skinny child, straight up and down. This year in the back garden she went to get into the paddling pool in just her shorts and I said to her you need to start wearing some sort of a top from now on and so she will wear a rash vest from now on. Before puberty I'm not sure it should really matter. You can't police other peoples thoughts so I tend not to waste time wondering what others are thinking which includes those both with perverted or judgy ones. Let kids be kids while they are kids and if they are comfortable then let them get on with it. If only we could ensure our childrens safety by wearing a particular item of clothing. I would imagine that very few children that have been abused were targeted because of their attire.

Your reaction is cultural. In the rest of Europe, girls don't cover their nipples until they start growing breasts (sometimes not even then, topless is quite normal for teens and adult women on beaches). I have Spanish and Hungarian friends who think it is very strange that Brits put swimming tops and full swimming costumes on girls, and if you actually explore your reaction, there should be no reason why a girl should cover up any more than a boy. Would you have the same reaction to a 10 yeae old boy in swim wear?

If she was 12, 13 or older then it would wouldn't be appropriate to be in pants playing in the front garden

Why?

Also where did the OP say it was her eldest son who was embarrassed?

Those people saying they're concerned about the son maybe consider that he's probably just left 6th form in a country where it's not the norm to see junior school children in the street wearing just their underwear. Finding that awkward or unusual doesn't mean he has a problem or there's anything untoward.

If it was the eldest son, I agree with this.

@user327253 i come from one of the countries you are talking about. I don’t mind the topless bit at all. I do mind the underwear bit though. Its cultural, you are right, but underwear on show is different to no top.
i don’t like my neighbour in his y-fronts in front of his house, shorts are fine (and cover the same). i don’t like his wife in bra and knickers in front of their house, but would be fine with bikini bottoms only

It’s weird for a 9/10yo girl to be playing on a front driveway in just pants. OK if in back garden.

I wouldn’t comment to the neighbours though. It’ll cause a problem and they probably won’t listen anyway.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion right there in the OP. Read it again.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Also where did the OP say it was her eldest son who was embarrassed?

She said DS18 and DD8, so only one son who is 18.

At 9-10, this is highly inappropriate and is leaving all of these children very exposed in terms of risk.

I can (vaguely) remember being 9-10 ( it was a long time ago) and no way would I have layed outside in just knickers .

Nothing to do with body shaming it just wouldn't have been done .

I'm surprised the girl wanted to TBH

you suck

I wonder how different the responses would have been if the thread would have been something like “is it unreasonable to let my 10 year old play in front garden with just knickers in”.

This thread is another example of RL v Munsnet. We would all be a little concerned about a 10 year old in no clothes playing in front view of everyone. There’s lots of sickos out there

I think it's odd, actually. Why are so many people screaming body shaming a child, how dare you!??
What nonsense. I hate this "shaming" lark in response to the most innocuous comment these days.

How odd to say that the child had her underwear "on show". She wasn't modelling it, she was playing

I don't think the 18yo son has " a problem" or that there is anything sinister about his embarrassment - but it's his issue to deal with, not hers. Girls and women are not responsible for men's reactions. And 9yo is far too young to start worrying about the male gaze.

@sadpapercourtesan I think it is because the girl has breast buds and tbh I think he was embarassed for her

This thread is another example of RL v Munsnet. We would all be a little concerned about a 10 year old in no clothes playing in front view of everyone
There's a lot of that on here. A while ago there was a series of threads about children's party clothing and despite most adults knowing that some women's clothing is designed to be sexy so not children's attire, there were dozens of posters desperate to claim that they'd not bat an eyelid at a primary aged girl wearing boob tubes, hot pants, face full of makeup etc. They claimed anyone who objected was shaming a child, victim blaming girls and so on.

In reality you and I both know there's no way those posters would have dressed their girls like mini versions of 20 year olds on a night out, but it must have been fun pretending to be oh so liberal.

The sons probably just turned away in case him looking at her is misinterpreted. (by some of the odd bods on this thread, by the look of it) Op is projecting her own issues onto him.
If the girl is prepubescent, don't see the problem as it would appear to be a cultural norm for her country, perhaps if she starts socialising amongst some British kids her own age, maybe she'll decide to wear more clothes, until then leave her to it. She's not harming anyone.

I don't understand children being allowed to play at the front of the house regardless of how dressed or undressed, do they not have back gardens.

When a child grows quite big, they don't usually run around undressed in public. Do they not have shorts and t-shirts?

On the beach girls are usually topless until they start growing boobs (yes, I do know that adults go topless in many places), which is fine but you say the girl is tall for her age and I imagine she is beginning to feel quite grown up even if still flat chested. That's probably what embarrasses your son. I daresay the girls with whom he goes to school don't run around undressed.

It sounds like a situation that will right itself soon enough but kids playing out the front is a definite no no.

I wouldn’t post a note or say anything but I would be very uncomfortable about a child dressed like that on the front drive. There are so many weirdos around you don’t know what their intentions may be. In their own garden it wouldn’t bother me at all.

@jessstan2 I agree- the girl is only half a head shorter than me (I'm 5'6) and she has developed breast buds too so I was taken aback.
If it wasn't for her school uniform I would have guessed she was about 12 or so.

I agree with you, OP. It's not the norm in this country - nothing to do with body shaming. I would expect a child of that age to wear shorts or a swimsuit in public (which this is). But I don't think you should say anything, and definitely no note! Ignore it.