Neighbour letting children play in the driveway near naked?

[yonnie2011]

We have a neighbour who lets her 3 children play in the driveway with just a pair of knickers on. Her youngest son and daughter are about 3 years old max so it is expected at that age but her other daughter is probably at least 9/10 years old (she is much bigger and taller than my 8 year old DD who is considered tall). Is it just me or is that way too old to be in outside with no top and just a pair of knickers?
I would understand if it was just their garden but they play on scooters etc in the driveway (we live in a cul-de-sac) all the time. Today I went out with DS18 and DD8 and as we walked past them we tried not to look and my son was obviously very embarassed.
I would ask the parents to encourage the older girl to cover up a bit more but they moved in just before the outbreak from abroad so they don't speak English (I think they are east European). Should I put a note in their letterbox so they could translate it maybe?
Sorry for the long post but I just want to make sure I am not being unreasonable before putting something through the letterbox.

Would it bother you if it was a boy the same age? If not then why is it that a female child’s nipples bother you and yet a male child’s nipples don’t? It’s you and your son who are unreasonable I’m afraid. Let children be children, don’t body shame, don’t sexualise children’s bodies, and don’t censure female bodies whilst having different rules/ideas on what is acceptable for male bodies.

@SofiaAmes Oh I didn't know that

Absolutely not your place to say anything. Whether you like it or not, YABU for suggesting asking them to cover her up.

9/10 is way to old. Nothing to do with bodyshaming, but conventions in our society tell us to at least wear shorts. Underpants are for underneath clothes. Otherwise an adult woman or man in plain pants (and bra in case of a woman) would be acceptable as well (everything is covered after all), but they aren’t.
Toddlers are different as they don’t follow conventions yet (although I would never let mine out in pants - shorts it is),

Op, you used the word "preteen" yourself. Good for her if she is growing up confident with in her body. Your son should not be embarrassed by the body of a girl of about 9/10. If she was 12, 13 or older then it would wouldn't be appropriate to be in pants playing in the front garden. But I imagine she won't be then.

My daughter is that age, and still unphased by stripping off...I'm sure as she starts growing breasts etc she may feel differently. I tend to encourage mine to stay slightly covered up for sun protection more than anything else, but would not be fussed about pants only. Completely nude at 10, maybe not...but presumably hasn't started puberty so nothing to see if topless anyway?

3 yr olds etc I can't imagine why anyone would think this an issue.

I find it very odd that your 18 yr old was at all uncomfortable around a 10 yr old...she's a child!

Yes you are being unreasonable.

I think it's a bit odd but it wouldn't bother me enough to say anything. It's far far weirder that your 18 year old son was embarrassed by a child's body.

YABU, she’s a child and it’s none of your business.

@IndecentFeminist She looks like she has started to develop breast buds so that is why I am a bit surprised.
I am not really surprised about the 3 year olds though!

I don’t see the issue. I actually think it’s sad that being naked is so sexualised, particularly at that age.

As for the comment on the 2 1/2 year old being naked. Crazy, they will grow up with really body conscious issues if you make a thing of them being naked

I think in her own garden fine but if she's out on the drive onto the street she should be wearing clothes, it's a safeguarding issue, who knows who's watching her!

@Thehogfatherstolemycurry Yes agreed- especially as we live in London

@Thehogfatherstolemycurry

What if she were on the beach? Do beaches have special invisible paedophile blockers?

This is hand wringing over nothing.

She’s a child. Your sons embarrassment is more of a concern.

special invisible paedophile blockers

This made me lol

I agree OP that it's not appropriate for a pre-teen to be playing in public with just pants on. Not because she should be embarrassed by her body or because she should be made to feel that her family/cultural norms are abnormal, but purely because of the heightened risk of being exposed to those who have unsavoury intentions. Sadly these people appear to be 'normal' and hide in plain sight. I totally understand your concern.

Also for the people suggesting that there is something wrong with your 18yr old son for being embarrassed by this situation. He is purely reacting to a situation that isn't usual for him because that isn't something you have allowed.

To suggest that being concerned about a child is body shaming rather than safeguarding is utterly ridiculous imo.

For me its the pants. No problem with a you g child not wearing a top, but underwear on show is just against conventions. Bikinis in most cases look different to underwear- even if the show more. So I wouldn’t have a problem with a child the same age just wearing shorts, but underwear only is a bit like yawning without covering your mouth, farting in public, picking your nose etc. Nothing objectively wrong with it, but goes against conventions.

Get a grip
A human body is not a embarrassment
Put a note in the letterbox ffs really

PS I don't think you should post a letter (If they cannot speak English then they are unlikely to be able to translate the written word). Such a sensitive issue might get... lost in translation

As much as I get where you're coming from I think you need to keep it to yourself unless you have a major cause for concern

The parents may adapt their approach when they realise it's not the 'done' thing and only allow it in the privacy of their own garden.

What is strange is that you and your son are embarrassed about a child's body.

I'd have a problem with this for my own kids. Not so much the toddler, but definitely the 10 year old who's body is very obviously starting to develop. I've always taught her from an appropriate age to cover up out and about. Rightly or wrongly. And I always try and keep both of them covered in the sun as much as possible anyway. But what other parents decide is ok is none of my business.

If they just moved in maybe they haven't
got any shorts or tshirts yet? Maybe their mum wants to cut down on the washing?

I think it's odd. I wouldn't let my kids out the front in just pants or knickers at age 9/10. It's one thing at a swimming pool, but doesn't feel right in other settings. My mother's neighbours let their sons of similar age out to clap for the NHS with nothing on at all. So weird. It may sound silly, but who knows how many paedos are around getting a thrill out of it. I also don't think there is anything wrong with your son being embarrassed by it. I think it's something a lot of people would be uncomfortable with.

Oh good lord please don't do the note.

Look at the end of the day she is a child. If your son is embarrassed it means at some level he considers her more grown up than she is - that is the real unacceptable behaviour. Why should she be forced to grow up to soon to please your adult son? I bet when he was 9/10 you allowed him to be a child.