If you die who have you appointed to look after your children?

[Lsquiggles]

I'm just looking to draft up a will as with a house and a child we should've by now really.

I was just wondering who you have put down in your will as a guardian for your children?

Is it pointless putting your parents as they are likely to die before you? Sorry, morbid I know! I'd like to put my sister as we're very close and she loves my dd but wanted to see what others think, is it rude to not put my parents? I may be over thinking this

I remember my parents having a celebratory drink when my younger cousin turned 18, and the possibility of having to take them on if something happened to my mum's sister and BIL. They would obviously have done it, but my word, he and his brother were wild teenagers and the prospect had obviously daunted them.
I was asked to be guardian for a godson and his sister by friends, chosen over the 6 siblings they had between them because I was single and we agreed I would move into their house so the children's lives could go on with some familiarity if the worst happened. Both are now in their 30s, so that is no longer a 'what if' in my life plans.

Reciprocal arrangement with best friend and her DC. Families in both cases not suitable or lived too far away so changes of school etc would have been needed. We agreed that both houses would be sold so a larger one be bought. All clearly written in the wills. Never needed but hugely reassuring to everyone, especially the DC.

Tragic story of someone I knew whose husband left her (affair), and she found out she had pancreatic cancer literally a week later. Less than a month after that, she got together with someone she had known for a while and he moved into the family home with her and her two daughters. We were all appalled and concerned that she wasn't making rational decisions, but he lived with them and cared for her until her death months later.
She did not want the girls to go to her ex but for the new man to have them, and when she died that is what happened. He stayed on in the house and became main carer for the girls, with the ex having them 2 nights a week. Bear in mind he had no children of his own or prior experience of kids before moving in.
Less than a year later, new man met someone with two girls the same ages. They got married about a year after that and blended the two families.
That all happened around 10 years ago. He has been a fabulous father to the girls, and their step-mum a fabulous mum. The ex and his new wife (he married the other woman) have a child and he has stepped up more and more to a co-parent role as the years have gone on.
The whole tribe meet at Christmas and on birthdays etc, the mum is talked about naturally, and the girls appear well-adjusted and happy. Both are now at uni but came home often pre-lockdown and have been home during it.

We were discussing this last night as we have an appointment to plan our will coming up. It's so hard and the truth is that we have no one who would look after and raise our children in the same way we do. All of our family live a long way from us and so there would be w big geographical change for our children which would be traumatic to say the least on top of the loss of parents. DH has two sisters, both of which are not suitable for various reasons, I have one sister who raised her children with smacking and threats. There's no way I'd want that for my children. Our parents are all heading towards 80 so not really an option, We are planning on asking our niece who is 22 and not married/no children. She still lives with my sister but our insurance could provide a house or she could potentially move here. Our children love her to pieces and she loves them. It's not ideal by a long shot though.

My sister, then brother. Also have £500k life insurance to assist them

My sister and BIL (DH is an only). They'd get our house (paid off) plus life insurance and have 2 DC similar ages in the same area so it wouldn't be a massive upheaval.

In-laws are young grandparents who do a lot for us re childcare so we know that they would continue to be very hands on and would take the boys as often as wanted. DC love them and love spending time with them but we just thought it would be better to stay with cousins and keep grandparents for all the fun times as normal. We wouldn't mind if between them they decided it was better for the boys to live with them full time.

My parents also do regular childcare but both single and in their 60s so full time with young kids is a big ask. This also made us decide against in-laws as we don't wasn't to leave a family fight behind if it looked we one set of GPS was favoured

Hopefully it'll never come to this of course.

We have little family and gave asked friends. I made it clear when I asked that I wouldn't let it affect our friendship if they refused. They said yes and it's in our will. I'm very comforted knowing it's sorted.

I live in Scotland, so I'm sure the rules are drastically different here.

When we drew up our will, the solicitor said that we couldn't specify a guardian and it would be decided by the authorities upon our deaths based on the current circumstances. For instance, DS is currently 21mo, he would be best placed to live with my sister who has a 6mo. They would grow up together as a family. However, if he was 17 and sitting his highers (like Scottish a levels) he would be best placed living with his elderly grandparents and finishing his education.

Since DH has lots of siblings, we could write a letter to go alongside our will (I think called a letter of intent, I can't remember) stating that our wishes were DS lived with my sister.

We also have life insurance, but that would be placed into trust for DS to access when he was older (I think 21) rather than general living costs, it's assumed that whoever is looking after him treats him like a family member.

DBro. He’s much closer to DS than my in laws. He’s also a lot more like me than my in-laws, so more likely to bring DS up like I would have done. I imagine DM would be closely involved, as she sees us every week, but she’s in her 70s and I think it’s too much to ask her to look after him 24/7.

My parents for now. In a few years we'll review and probably change it to my sister.

I thought it was supposed to be the Godparents who take on this responsibility, although I suspect many of them don't realise this. Whoever it is, they should be made fully aware what is required of them and what provision has been made on how they can fund it (and that they agree to it!).

@WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat

I thought it was supposed to be the Godparents who take on this responsibility, although I suspect many of them don't realise this. Whoever it is, they should be made fully aware what is required of them and what provision has been made on how they can fund it (and that they agree to it!).

Lots of people aren’t christians.

My sister and BIL - one of the shortest and easiest discussions DH and I ever had. They're wonderful parents, they have 1 child of their own but would have loved to have more, and we would trust them to the ends of the earth. They know (we asked their permission before we named them) and they would be trustees of the children's inheritance, which would be a substantial lump sum with 2x life insurance, death in service benefits and the equity in the house.

My DPILs adore the DC, but frankly one day of them wears them out and if our DC are so unfortunate as to be orphaned while minors, the last thing I want for them is to lose their substitute parents not long afterwards. My DPs are some distance away and well past the days of being capable of sole care of a toddler.

@SimonJT - is it only Christians that have God?

[quote WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat]@SimonJT - is it only Christians that have God?[/quote]
Its only christians who have god parents.

@simonjt Oh well, but that seems a bit unfair. Mysterious ways and all that. I suppose.