If you die who have you appointed to look after your children?

[Lsquiggles]

I'm just looking to draft up a will as with a house and a child we should've by now really.

I was just wondering who you have put down in your will as a guardian for your children?

Is it pointless putting your parents as they are likely to die before you? Sorry, morbid I know! I'd like to put my sister as we're very close and she loves my dd but wanted to see what others think, is it rude to not put my parents? I may be over thinking this

I'd ideally like it to be the grandparents in the best health but I don't know how we could predict this. In any case DD would have to relocate from her local area.

It really is very personal, but, as a rule parents don't make a great first choice if you have other options, as - as you have already said - they are likely to be 25 - 25 years older than you.
It is hard work looking after a small child, full time, for 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, once you are in your 50s or 60s. I've worked with a few families where Grandparents have been in this position and it has brought them to their knees.
Obviously you hope it never happens, and also of course, not everyone has many options.

When our dc were little and we wrote our will and talked about guardians, we made the two people we appointed as trustees, the people to make "the best decision at the time" as a joint decision, as, of course their circumstances change over time, and you are unlikely to be revisiting your will every 6 months to review it.

We’ve chosen DHs parents for now and in the future would change it to my sister; our children are young and if they went to my sister they’d be in almost full time childcare which i wouldn’t want for children who have just lost their parents and a lot of our insurance money would need to be used on that and then getting a bigger house whereas with my pil that wouldn’t be needed

We didn't put anyone but we did put trustees for the trust

It put me off making a will for ages as we didn't really have anyone who could take them

My parents (but they are still young and healthy enough to take full care especially as dc are not little).

Initially we had my mum but have now changed it to my sister and her wife. The DC are 18 and 16 now so it's getting to the point where it's irrelevant. We should revisit the will and update actually.

I'm hoping the grandparents would be able to hire help or maybe even consider boarding school. We've got two siblings, but one lot I can't see being able to house extra children and the others live in the arse end of nowhere.

My mum - we aren't close to our siblings (good enough relationship but we parent very differently) Then one of my best friends as a back up.

Close friends. DS and any siblings would come with a good chunk of life insurance and have support from both sides.
Grandparents are in their early 70s or 60s and good health but there’s no way I’d send him a generation up. What the hell would happen if they couldn’t manage anymore???

My best friend, hes the person who is closest to my son after me. If I’m still with my partner in a few years/get married it will change to him.

If my ex husband had pre deceased me, then close family friends who I did ask first to see if they were happy about it.

We chose my DH's DS & her DP, irrelevant now as DS is 19 so we changed our will.

Their sister now. But she is in her 20s. Prior to that we didn't have anyone nominated so its a good job we didn't die. DH wanted to nominate members of his family but I disagreed so we never got it sorted. In fact I think he would still prefer that now as he thinks the responsibility would be too much for DD. However she would probably crawl over hot coals naked to stop anyone other than herself taking care of her siblings if the situation arose.

I think it's pointless to put your parents unless they're very young and you have no better option. They are vastly more likely to die before you do, and even if they don't, I can't imagine many retirees having the physical or mental energy to deal with bereaved grandchildren as they grow to adulthood.

We have chosen my sister as we are very close and we trust her to raise my children in the way we'd like them to be raised, very loving and respecting our wishes.

It's also worth pointing out that your word is not final, although it does carry weight of course, but after your death there may still be a debate about who becomes guardian, and the executors and courts have to consider the best interests of the child(ren). Our will writer advised us to write a letter of wishes explaining in detail our reasons for wanting my sister (which we still haven't got around to doing )

my our children

I disagree anotheremma. My mum would be in a much better place to cope with DS if he was bereaved. Practically she has more energy than people half her age but that's not really the point. If DS lost both his parents, he would need emotional care and containment. My siblings are very dismissive of emotional distress and couldn't provide emotional carethat no matter how young they are.

I disagree anotheremma. My mum would be in a much better place to cope with DS if he was bereaved. Practically she has more energy than people half her age but that's not really the point. If DS lost both his parents, he would need emotional care and containment. My siblings are very dismissive of emotional distress and couldn't provide emotional carethat no matter how young they are.

You disagree when it comes to your own personal circumstances, but I was making a general point, and there will obviously be exceptions.

I said I can't see many, not I can't see any.
And I also said unless you have no better option - clearly you don't.

OP said she wanted her sister so I suspect her own situation is more similar to mine, not yours.

Interesting to hear all your thoughts! My parents are early 60s so 30+ years older than me, even if I did say my sister they would help out massively because we're luckily a very close family. I can't imagine leaving my children with friends even if I had any

My best friend and her husband. She is the only person in the world I'd trust

Almost moot as my youngest is nearly an adult but we had my parents first, then my brother second if my parents couldn't then some close friends if my brother wasn't able to do it.

My best friend and her husband. They have 3 children already, one within a week of DS in age. They're the most wonderful, involved parents and have the kind of relaxed, happy family home I'd want DS to have if DH and I weren't around to raise him. I hope if it came to it our parents would understand the reasons behind our choices.

I also think that - should the worst happen, your dc would still have their Grandparents in that same role, if your dc went to live with a sibling or dear trusted friend. If living with Grandparents, their role would shift considerably and they would lose that relationship as well.

My parents are in their 70s and late 80s, other grandparents are younger but in a different country and have health issues. My sister’s family have long since fled the nest as she is 20 years older than me, and at 60 I think she is too old to have to go back to early primary age DC. So we chose very good friends. They don’t do everything the way we do, but they really love their children, and have a very loving home, with sensible boundaries and high aspirations. I know that in the event we both died, they would do everything in their power to comfort DS, who has known them since he was a few weeks old.

I assume ExH would have DS but I'd rather he was looked after by one of my friend as she does a much better job than he does.