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Original poster

Second child guilt

8 replies

aimeerose1878 · 30/06/2020 22:08

Hey! So im 7weeks pregnant with my second child i have a 3 nearly 4 yr old son and i cant help but feel riddiled with guilt! I cant stop thinking about how it wont just be us two anymore and i feel like now i havnt spent enough time with him on his own, baking, playing etc! Ino its really silly and its probably normal but does anyone or did anyone else feel this way? My plan is to soend as much quality time with his as i can (hopefully this sickness and exhaustion doesnt last that long)

OP posts:

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user1464279374 · 30/06/2020 22:09

I just had my second and I definitely felt all of this before she was born. Now she's here I still have the usual parental guilt but I'm less worried about all the stuff I've not done with my eldest - we still have time to do it! Things haven't changed as much as I thought they would.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/06/2020 22:12

Nope, the exact opposite OP, I’m thinking how happy I am that I’m able to give my child a sibling. Lockdown would easier for my child had she a sibling to have played with. Focus on what you are gaining, any time you can’t bake or play with a newborn your eldest really won’t remember.

Gunpowder · 30/06/2020 22:20

Completely normal! I remember when I was pg with DD2 and I wasn’t at all worried about the birth, just how it would affect DD1! If it makes you feel better apparently four years is the best age gap psychologically for your firstborn! (Two years like I did is the worst ). I think the eldest does struggle when they gain a sibling but it’s short term and the payoff of having a playmate is worth it for them in the end.

Ohhhh and also I remember worrying I wouldn’t love subsequent DC as much as DD1 but you do!

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Gunpowder · 30/06/2020 22:20

Gosh that’s a lot of exclamation marks. sorry.

Babesinthewud · 30/06/2020 22:22

OP I promise you when DC1 is born all the guilt will evaporate and in its place will be filled with a whole new realm of love for DC2.

Normal to feel that way!!!

Charlottejade89 · 02/07/2020 11:45

I'm feeling the same, I'm 15 weeks pg with dc2 and my dd is 2 this month. I keep switching between being excited for her that she will have a baby brother or sister and she loves babies anyway, and then being worried that's shes no young and she will feel pushed out and jealous of the baby. But then I have to stop and think that I had a sibling at roughly the same age and so did alot of people I know and it hasn't negatively affected any of us. Lots of people have second babies all the time and get on just fine

Emelene · 02/07/2020 12:19

There's a fab book called "the second baby book" by Sarah Ockwell-Smith which talks about this feeling, and lots of other practical stuff.

You're not alone!

Napqueen1234 · 02/07/2020 12:31

I felt the same way and had crushing guilt and anxiety before. It’s been brilliant DD1 is thrilled with her sibling. I think because your first always seems hard you forget with a newborn how easy they are (feed/sleep/lie doing nothing/repeat) and actually you have a decent amount of time with the oldest one! And as the baby gets more labour intensive they’ve adjusted and it’s fine.

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