Nursing new born for comfort

[enchantedspleen]

Hi everyone.
I feel so conflicted, who knew that breastfeeding could dredge up so many complicated feelings?
My DD is 3 weeks and has been suffering from colic. I hate seeing how in pain the poor little more must be in, it makes me physically ache seeing her lovely little face turn purple. Sometimes she stops and looks at me, her chin wobbles and starts again, as if she's asking me to stop the pain and I'm just powerless.
We have been bottlefeeding her since I have up ebf her at 8 days. My nipples were in such pain, i was bleeding and miserable.
Last night she was furious and in agony. She had 4oz of milk (changed to new with colief added) but was still hungry afterwards, on me and sniffling, screaming, hand in mouth, whole works.
In desperation I placed her at my breast (I'm still lactating a tiny amount) and as lovely as it was, i felt a cocktail of emotions just kind of wash over me. This need to calm her down, the letdown feeling still works which surprised me, immense shame, the feeling I was doing wrong, the feeling I was doing something right...

My husband was a bit annoyed, he really doesn't want to confuse her or start off a really traumatic period as he got desperate and depressed looking after us when I was breastfeeding.

I ended up doing skin to skin with her and she nursed again a tiny bit, calmed down after a bit more bottle and everything has been fine.
Is it weird I basically used myself as a dummy? Or did skin to skin on a non breastfed baby? She is our first and I am really not sure what is the right thing to do. Is it possible to 're establish breastfeeding or is it definitely over?

I am definitely an anxious ftm

I'm not a health professional but by the sound of it you calmed your baby through affection and warmth, love and care. You did what felt natural. I don't think you should race to label it, or be concerned about future impacts, she's tiny and needed you and you were there for her. Skin on skin isn't only for bf babies either btw, they just love it.

Its so hard in the beginning isn't it? So much pressure from all sides. Listen to your baby, do what works for you both, and try to settle in together as you learn about each other.

Congratulations 💐

Congrats on your newborn! Honestly I don't see what the issue is with offering your baby warmth, comfort and love. Newborns need to feel warm and, safe and close. Breastfeeding is tough, and its not for everyone, but did you notice an improvement on the first attempt? Would you be up for trying it again and combination feed? Doing both might help her and the back up of formula might take the pressure of. EBF is a tougj undertaking even if baby feeds well.

I'm a complete "fed is best" believer but if your little one finds being on the breast comforting and it helps you both I would say go with your instincts and do it occasionally.

If you want to, it might be worth trying to analyse why breastfeeding didn't or isn't working. The NCT breastfeeding hotline has wonderful counselling and offer video calls I think in the absence of drop ins.

Hope it all works out x

You can definitely re establish breastfeeding, if that's what you want. Its important that there is an effective milk transfer, to avoid shredded nipples! Have you considered doing a bit of both? You could always try using some nipple shields and if you find offering the breast reduces some stress for you both, def go for it!

Newborns are hard work.... So do whatever you can to make your life easier x

You comforted your baby, acting on instinct, and it worked for you and her. In the kindest possible way, I'd ignore your dh on this one, and do what feels right for you and baby. Lots of breastfed babies use mum as a dummy, as much as a source of food. You are her main source of comfort right now, and the suckling action is also comforting for her. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being that comfort for her. If you want to reestablish breast feeding, la leche league, or Kellymom, might be good places to look for help. In addition your midwife could possibly set you up with a lactation consultant by phone. But even if you dont, you can still be her comfort. If you're happy with that, and she is too, then no one else really needs to have an opinion.

I have a friend who stopped breastfeeding and then relactated and went on to feed for about 18 months, so it is possible. She wanted to ebf, so there was lots of pumping involved as the baby wouldn't latch at first. So it's definitely possible. In your shoes, if you're happy to use formula too, I'd just keep putting the baby to your breast when it feels right and go from there.

I think what you did was perfectly natural and reasonable. And clearly so did the baby!

I have to say, I think this is the first time I've seen establishing breastfeeding with a newborn be described as tough on the father!

When mine had colic the only thing that worked was letting her nurse. I'd let her do it and maybe even consider combi feeding at least until the colic stops.

Skin to skin can and should be done with any baby, however they're fed. Your baby hasnt read any parenting books, if it works then do it.

You are aren't using yourself as a dummy !

.the dummy us pretending to be a breast.. is a dummy breast.

You are doing fine. Your husband can step up and support you both. Your baby is only 21odd days old....he wants his mum and cuddles and love .

Do what you think is right. Baby won't get confused.
DH can do one for now.

We're nursing again this morning, baby seems to be getting back into the swing pretty well. Boobies feel a bit empty so not sure what she's getting from me if anything but got a bottle warmed and ready for when she's done.
I know, he just saw me crying, in pain, the bleeding, he doesn't want to go through it again. I feel like I have to hide this from him, like I'm embarrassed. It's all me I know.

Also thank you everyone for your lovely congratulations!!!!

Keep following your instincts OP - I second getting some support with the latch, the NCT helpline is great as are the websites named above. If you're on facebook join Breastfeeding Younger Babies and Beyond, they have great advice. I had terrible cracked nipples and had wonderful face to face support from the local infant feeding team so ask the HV/midwife if you can be referred as they're definitely still doing phone calls at least. Try not to put yourself under too much pressure- you're doing a great job in bloody challenging times.

I couldn't breastfeed my first - very torn, bleeding nipples so ended up expressing breast milk.

I am due no 2 imminently and will be trying again. This time I have bought nipple shields from Medela to ensure I don't get into the bleeding mess I was in last time. Could be an option for you until your nipples 'toughen up?' Come next day delivery.

Once you have been pregnant and developed the necessary breastfeeding infrastructure, in theory you can relactate any time.

That's soo lovely to read. You are a great mum!!!
Just go with your instinct, and don't worry about anything else.... it's still early days, they are ment to be a bit crazy.

Just trust your instincts op, and if nursing her feels right and helps her then go with it. And don't worry if your breasts feels empty, the more baby suckles the more milk you will produce. It is an amazing power to soothe baby with breastfeeding

I think what a lot of people just don't understand about breastfeeding (especially medical professionals) is that it is so much more than just a way of putting milk into a baby. In this sense, bottle feeding and breastfeeding aren't really comparable. It's food, drink, comfort, safety, warmth, sleep and connection.

Putting a baby to your breast is never the wrong thing to do imo. It sounds like you're doing an excellent job of listening to your baby and giving her what she needs now, whatever you decide to do going forward.

You don't need to hide it from him. Tell him it's completely normal to give it another go after nipples have healed. The last thing you want to do is associate feeding your baby with shame and embarrassment. Be open with your husband! Congratulations. I'm so happy for you that baby is latching. I had a terrible time trying to breastfeed and tried again like you but still couldn't get the latch. So well done!

Can I just say thank you for this. I have a 3 day old and yesterday,she fed like a dream. Today,not so we'll. I'm feeling like a failure - wanted to combo feed with bottles but feeling pushed into giving her more bottles than I would like by partner. But I'm going to stand my ground now,continue doing skin to skin and trying to breastfeed her as well thanks to this post.

@Layladylay234 definitely keep trying if thats what you want. Its a tough gig for some but if you can establish it and it works well its much better for baby and for you. As some of the PP's have said, its way more than just food and being close to mummy and being warm does so much for babies.

Fed is best, but if you can get it working well the more you can BF the better in my opinion.

Men don't really get what its about. My husband is the same, very quick to try and whip out the formula. I'm lucky with feeding though, my 2 week old is brilliant at it, and its lovely for me and her so I don't plan on giving in.

@Layladylay234 also, your newborn is likely cluster feeding to get your milk in. If she's going on and off each breast all day and night and doesn't seem satisfied, that's likely what it is. Cluster feeding is crucial to building your supply so even though its bloody hard, try and stick with it. Rarely does it last more than 24 hours.

My milk wasn't even in at 3 days, how are you this morning? My boobs suddenly became cannonballs at 8 am day 4! Definitely keep trying if it's what you want.

It's all well and good for dad's to give bottles now but it's usually mum doing the bulk of feeds so do it how you want.

It sounds like you are following your instincts and that’s absolutely the best thing to do! You need to do what works best for you and baby and I’m sorry to say it’s really not about your DH or what he wants. 8 days is nothing and for him to make it about him over a one week period is frankly ridiculous and unsupportive. I have been there - 3 weeks of bleeding nipples and agony with my first but I was determined to EBF....when #2 came round I vowed that I would bottle feed if it didn’t work out straight away and I was lucky #2 & #3 both took to it straight away. Breastfeeding is about more than food, it’s comfort, warmth and safety too, you don’t need to hide it or justify it ! You’re doing great, good luck! X

Hi, my SIL nursed like this for ages, it was a comfort for both of them with bf didn't work out like she hoped. It's not the same emotional roller coaster either as bub is still getting all the food they need without it so your husband can be reassured. If there's still milk there too it'll be doing wonders for your daughters health.

Congrats

Go with your instincts, but have you tried a dummy?

I was dead against my son having one, but around 4 or so weeks when he just needed comforting but wasnt hungry I tried one and it worked wonders.

It's so hard. My husband said he'd support me but he did say he's against it, as he think im DDs chew toy. then my mum "caught" me bfeeding later and said I was being naughty, even though she did follow it up saying she isn't judging.

I live in a very bfeeding unfriendly part of the country, we literally have one of the lowest numbers in the country.
We nursed again this morning, more for comfort than anything. As a PP said, knowing it can be brought back is giving me a lot more confidence in making a decision. I have a little more control.

It’s obviously working for both you and her so please do what you feel is right

I was so tempted to re-establish BF with my second born but I had such severe mastitis that required medication that I didn’t want to risk it