Nursing new born for comfort

[enchantedspleen]

Hi everyone.
I feel so conflicted, who knew that breastfeeding could dredge up so many complicated feelings?
My DD is 3 weeks and has been suffering from colic. I hate seeing how in pain the poor little more must be in, it makes me physically ache seeing her lovely little face turn purple. Sometimes she stops and looks at me, her chin wobbles and starts again, as if she's asking me to stop the pain and I'm just powerless.
We have been bottlefeeding her since I have up ebf her at 8 days. My nipples were in such pain, i was bleeding and miserable.
Last night she was furious and in agony. She had 4oz of milk (changed to new with colief added) but was still hungry afterwards, on me and sniffling, screaming, hand in mouth, whole works.
In desperation I placed her at my breast (I'm still lactating a tiny amount) and as lovely as it was, i felt a cocktail of emotions just kind of wash over me. This need to calm her down, the letdown feeling still works which surprised me, immense shame, the feeling I was doing wrong, the feeling I was doing something right...

My husband was a bit annoyed, he really doesn't want to confuse her or start off a really traumatic period as he got desperate and depressed looking after us when I was breastfeeding.

I ended up doing skin to skin with her and she nursed again a tiny bit, calmed down after a bit more bottle and everything has been fine.
Is it weird I basically used myself as a dummy? Or did skin to skin on a non breastfed baby? She is our first and I am really not sure what is the right thing to do. Is it possible to 're establish breastfeeding or is it definitely over?

I am definitely an anxious ftm

If you leak a bit put a muslin under and to the side of your boob. And/or stick a towel under you both.

Have you tried feeding lying down? I didn’t get the hang of it for ages as I had a big CS scar and struggled to lie on my side but it’s brilliant when you’ve got it sorted.

No it's not weird. It's natural and obviously soothes your baby. Just carry on.

I think you could re establish breastfeeding. I did breast and bottle for both my kids. 3 weeks is still tiny so she’s still learning. With my second it took a good 6 weeks for her to establish good feeding routine.

I feel for you OP! Breastfeeding in the beginning was a nightmare for me. Pain, cracks, bruises, bleeding, nipple thrush, mastitis, the whole shebang. It felt like the universe was telling me not to breastfeed. My DD had a very shallow latch caused by a tongue tie. The pain did go away though. By about 2 months it was so so much easier. By 3 months it was pain free. I ended up breastfeeding her for 15 months. I'm so happy that what started as an awful experience ended up being such an amazing experience for me and her.

If this is what you want, stick at it! Best of luck

Loving your update OP, follow your instincts, use this amazing wealth of support from mn if you're not getting it at home, we are here for you and want you to succeed! No judgment of bottle vs breast here, fed is best, and doing what you feel is right will make you a more confident mum. She's a lucky baby to have such a committed and thoughtful mum, you're doing so well. Keep posting and let us know how you're getting on ☺

P.s. your husband realises its called a dummy because it's a dummy nipple right? As in its a substitute? So when people say you're a human dummy it's nonsense, at dummies were literally created to be a substitution for the ultimate comfort! Drives me nuts.

Good luck! Breastfeeding can be bloody hard work and, while completely respecting choice over how someone wants to feed their baby, I’m really smiling over the fact you’re trying again. Not many people would and, whatever the outcome, I have a lot of respect for you trying again. Go for it, I hope it works out for you. And even if it doesn’t, I think you should feel very proud of yourself.

Hi everyone, im so grateful for all of your support and responses! Honestly, it's amazing and I hope it inspires others to give it another go like me. I don't know if it'll work but if I don't at least try, I'll always regret.
Hubby is on side after having a long in depth chat and has been amazing. I contacted a la leche consultant and it's been brilliant.
Happy baby, happy mumma
I see this post has helped another pp. If anyone wants to message and be a buddy, id love to hear from you!

La Leche League leaders are often amazing. So pleased that you are happier OP.

Your update has me beaming, so pleased for you. Breastfeeding has been a huge positive for all 3 of us. DH has two older DC who were FF and didn’t know many people who’d BF and he was positive about me wanting to do it but didn’t know what to expect. He had happy memories of feeding his kids as babies and wondered if he’d miss out with our baby. They have the closest, loveliest, strongest bond you can imagine. He was the king of burping with his large hands and he’s always showered with her which she loves, they have a little weekend breakfast routine now she’s on solids, so many things. Neither of them has missed out at all. He’s also a huge fan of us being able to go out for a day with a spare nappy and a muslin or two. And it’s free! I bought a few decent feeding bras (would have needed new bras after pregnancy anyway) some lansinoh nipple cream - get loads - and some washable breast pads which I only needed for the first couple of months.

Take it a day at a time, cherish this time with your beautiful baby, get your husband feeding you while you feed her! DH learnt to produce a meal in record time and when he went back to work he used to leave snacks by the sofa, in the nappy caddy, the changing bag and by my side of the bed

@enchantedspleen how’s the breastfeeding going??

@Fiddlesticks345 going great! Supply is almost back but ive come down with mastitis and.ive got a raging fever. Doctor was supposed to call yesterday but never did, going to try again in the morning. No sore nipples though and baby is nursing great, we've been combi feeding and it's certainly working

Thank you for checking in on us, it's lovely of you x

Sorry you have mastitis :(

But well done for giving breastfeeding another crack. If it works well its lovely for you (even though its intense) and your baby as they get nice warm cuddles while they feed. Such a lovely way to bond with your little one 💓

Aw it’s so great to hear it’s going well!! Mastitis doesn’t seem at all fair given how positive you’re being!! But you’ll get through this too- just look after yourself xx

Well done OP. Keep feeding as often as possible to help with the mastitis and definitely get the GP on the phone as a matter of urgency tomorrow - you don't want it becoming more serious when you've done so well.

OP how is it all going? 💓

Oh, I'm so glad for you both. Rock on!