Nursing new born for comfort

[enchantedspleen]

Hi everyone.
I feel so conflicted, who knew that breastfeeding could dredge up so many complicated feelings?
My DD is 3 weeks and has been suffering from colic. I hate seeing how in pain the poor little more must be in, it makes me physically ache seeing her lovely little face turn purple. Sometimes she stops and looks at me, her chin wobbles and starts again, as if she's asking me to stop the pain and I'm just powerless.
We have been bottlefeeding her since I have up ebf her at 8 days. My nipples were in such pain, i was bleeding and miserable.
Last night she was furious and in agony. She had 4oz of milk (changed to new with colief added) but was still hungry afterwards, on me and sniffling, screaming, hand in mouth, whole works.
In desperation I placed her at my breast (I'm still lactating a tiny amount) and as lovely as it was, i felt a cocktail of emotions just kind of wash over me. This need to calm her down, the letdown feeling still works which surprised me, immense shame, the feeling I was doing wrong, the feeling I was doing something right...

My husband was a bit annoyed, he really doesn't want to confuse her or start off a really traumatic period as he got desperate and depressed looking after us when I was breastfeeding.

I ended up doing skin to skin with her and she nursed again a tiny bit, calmed down after a bit more bottle and everything has been fine.
Is it weird I basically used myself as a dummy? Or did skin to skin on a non breastfed baby? She is our first and I am really not sure what is the right thing to do. Is it possible to 're establish breastfeeding or is it definitely over?

I am definitely an anxious ftm

It's normal for mums boobs to be a source of comfort to a baby. Our modern Western expectations of baby behaviour can be very abnormal.

It's so hard. My husband said he'd support me but he did say he's against it, as he think im DDs chew toy.

Ask him what he thinks cave babies used for a dummy, and what he thinks the natural version of a dummy is.

You can totally re-establish feeding!!
Loads of skin to skin and lots of time at the breast will bring your supply back as it hasn't been very long since you stopped.
You DH has no reason to be annoyed and you tell him so. Your mothering your child in YOUR way. Feed her however you like, and it sounds like breastfeeding is what both of you want right now.
Good luck

@enchantedspleen

It's so hard. My husband said he'd support me but he did say he's against it, as he think im DDs chew toy. then my mum "caught" me bfeeding later and said I was being naughty, even though she did follow it up saying she isn't judging.

I live in a very bfeeding unfriendly part of the country, we literally have one of the lowest numbers in the country.
We nursed again this morning, more for comfort than anything. As a PP said, knowing it can be brought back is giving me a lot more confidence in making a decision. I have a little more control.

Congratulations on your baby OP. Your problem isn’t breastfeeding it’s your husband and family. You’re her Mother, you get to decide how your baby is fed. I think you husbands comment about ‘chew toys’ is grim. Good luck with breast feeding your baby

Is it possible your little one has a tongue tie? That can cause problems with the latch and colic too. Mine did too and life was very different once the tongue tie was cut and he was taking ranitidine for the reflux. Sending you lots of and , those first few weeks are so tough. Hang in there x

Do you get the shame feeling during let down? Google D-MER, it's a strange phenomenon where your body reacts to too much love hormone by dumping a sad one on top to try and counteract it. I get it when my nipples are touched and was worried I would get it when I breast feed but oddly enough I don't.

I'm horrified your mum said you were being naughty! Tell her to shut her face! You do what's best for you and your baby and if that means BFing and topping up with formula then wonderful! X

You’re doing brilliantly, your instincts are there for the good of you and your beautiful, precious brand new baby. Not that long she was safe and cosy in your belly and now your breast is a little piece of home to her. You comforted her when she was suffering, you did what you felt would help and you were right!

Keep putting her to the breast when you and she want to. Wherever it takes you is okay.

You went through a lot and it must have been really traumatic but if you’re healed and it feels right, I have to say that in the nicest possible way you have to learn to tell your husband, your mum and anyone else who puts you down about trusting your instincts to fuck off. I’m sure it was tough for him. I’m sure watching you in labour wasn’t a walk in the park but you were the one giving birth, they were your bleeding nipples, they’re still your breasts and you know your baby the best. These are YOUR experiences, it’s your body, own your choices and learning to just ignore criticism will stand you in good stead as a mother.

My baby pretty much lived on my boobs. I grumbled my way through it as it was bloody hard work BUT to me the worst thing in the world is a baby crying. The only thing I’d do differently would be to get some perspective that this wouldn’t be forever (felt like it at the time) and just relax and watch tv and lay down more.

I didn’t even know if was considered wrong to do this. At the mere hint of a cry I’d have my boobs out!

To be fair if I hadn’t if done this I’d probably of chucked him out a window as he never bloody slept. Crying and no sleep would have finished me off 😂

What @RainbowSlide said. Also no way is skin to skin just for breastfeeding. My son is nearly 2 years old, hasn't breastfed at all since 16 and a half months and we still love it! Hope things are easier soon.

I combination fed both of mine for the first couple of weeks then went onto breeding for the rest of the time. So you can decide either way really. Sounds like you are doing a fab job!

I'm absolutely convinced that tongue tie is the cause for so much uncomfortable breastfeeding - and it's massively under-diagnosed.

I'd strongly urge you to get it checked out, though you may have to ask several midwives/nurses. I asked about 10 to look at it before a consultant finally said "yes - and it's severe".

I was on the brink of giving up, but immediately after the op it was more comfortable.

Ds1 was such an unhappy and clingy baby I don't know how I'd have coped without that method of calming him down.

Although I ff my 7 weeks old baby week 3 so far has by far been the hardest. He cried and cried and cried and was very colicky. I often did skin to skin with Him to help calm him down. Happy to say 4 weeks later those episodes are very few now. Congratulations on your baby @enchantedspleen sounds like you’re doing an awesome job

Oh babe!

I think the thing no one tells you about bf is that half of it is for comfort. Most breast feeders I know (and me) found the breast becomes food and “dummy”... whereas with bottle you need a dummy too. I think this is why they are rebranding them “soothers” as that’s what it’s about!

The breastfeeding pain does magically stop at 2 weeksish though. The purple cream is the only this that helps until then.

I think you are fine to restart if it feels right but....I don’t agree with your families “naughty” language but try to make a decision - a confused baby isn’t fair on the babe and will drive you crazy...

Congratulations on a beautiful daughter, OP!
I was so grateful for breastfeeding for exactly this reason: the ability to comfort your baby easily and quickly, with zero fuss, when teething, with colic, with wind, when poorly, following a vaccination or check-up, in the car, in a hotel, when camping; the list is endless. Grouchy, over tired, scared or hurt baby? Warmth, comfort and reassurance at the breast -problem solved in an instant.
You say you are in an area with very little breast feeding. I can imagine that is challenging. Do reach out to groups supporting breast feeding in your town or region, it can be so nice to find like-minded women to support your resolve and reflect the intuitive response to breastfeed your baby back at you in a positive and affirming light.
To never have to worry that I would be pacing the floor with an inconsolable baby, anywhere, ever, was golden to me.
And as for getting your DP onside, may I recommend an excellent book which may help him, in an easily accessible and approachable way, get to grips with the early stages of child development and how healthy attachments are formed through warmth, love and responsiveness, just the way you have been doing. The book is called: "What Every Parent Needs to Know" by the very brilliant Margot Sunderland. It is an easy read (essential when you're a sleep deprived new parent) with an attractive magazine style lay-out. It is usually available on Amazon, both new or used, and can often be found at the library too.
I wish you all the best

Guys, I've made a decision. I'm giving it another whack because if I don't, i will always regret not trying.
I'm setting an alarm on my phone for every two hours to feed/pump and tomorrow I'm basically spending it topless with a baby attached. I have to go shopping and while I'm out I'm getting fenugreek tablets.
Let's do this.

Guess I'll catch up on teen mom UK then

Sat here feeding my almost 7 month old - well done for making your own decision OP, I've found breastfeeding tough but worth it. No judgement whatsoever on FF - I give a bottle in the evening - but it should be your choice whatever you decide.

@enchantedspleen hope it works out for you. Some info a friend shared with me that might help with support

Good luck OP, I think it's great that you're doing what you want and not what other people think you should do.

I would advise looking for someone to help you with your latch as it sounds like it wasn't quite right to begin with, which will be why you found it painful to feed her. Watching YouTube videos might be helpful and have a look at Kellymom and LLL websites for tips I hope it works out for you.

Hey Op. How about a lactation consultant? You'd have to talk remotely via Skype or whatever, but she'd be able to advise you on positioning etc to give you the very best shot at getting successful feeding going again. Nipples shouldn't be sore - that's a classic sign of a poor latch. I know it's hard but if the positioning is wrong you need to break it straight away and try again until it's right. There are some good videos on Youtube.

I think you did exactly what your instincts told you to do and the fact that your little daughter calmed down shows it was right. Plenty of people do combined feeding, op, it isn't confusing for the baby and they will reject whichever they don't want. The important thing is that she thrives.

Colic will pass but I know how horrible it is while it lasts so you and she have my sympathy.

OP you’ve really made me smile. Amazing that you’ve decided to try again despite lack of support from DH and your mum!!

I am a very very anxious FTM and 9 weeks into breastfeeding. Like you I found it SO difficult at first, cried absolute bucketloads and couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I used Lansinoh nipple cream (assuming you know about that?) and just forced myself to carry on. DP found it really hard seeing me so upset all the time and was on the verge of pushing me to try formula, but he knew I really wanted to have a good bash at BF and he stuck it out for me. If I read correctly your DH only had to ‘put up with it’ for 8 days, that’s not long in the grand scheme of things is it? Tell him how much it means to you and maybe get him to read up on the benefits of BF for mum and baby? Reduced cancer risk and all that stuff. That made a difference for my DP.

Between 2 and 3 weeks the pain suddenly became so so so much better, my nipples just seemed to toughen up! The cracks and soreness healed and I only had a few seconds of pain when latching. Then a couple of weeks later even the latch went from pain to more of an intense pulling feeling, which is where we are now. I still sometimes get anxiety over the confusing stuff like foremilk/hindmilk and supply, and I know my latch isn’t perfect because my nipples get a bit pinched in appearance, but it doesn’t seem to matter because baby is growing well and seems satisfied, and I am no longer even uncomfortable.

I am so rooting for you and I think you should be really proud of yourself!

Seen your update op - well done! I think @Fiddlesticks345 has some wise words. I struggled for ages but once it became easier / enjoyable everything changed. To this day I view my breastfeeding journey as my greatest achievement. Good luck to you and remember you don't need to have a specific problem to justify contacting the National breastfeeding helpline. The amount of times I rang just because I was generally finding things tough overall and needed to vent - and they never minded and said it's one of the things the line is for.

I’m so pleased for you

Please come back and let us know how you’re getting on and if there’s anything we can help with.

Take to your bed with high fat carby snacks - buy some flapjacks! - loads of easily accessible water, doze when you can and keep your baby just in a nappy on your chest/tummy. DD used to feed completely differently when we were skin to skin and she was mostly asleep, I remember it so fondly.