Is this neglect?

[Lovepeaceandcoffee]

Hi, I left my other half at 1130am to help out my mother (I'm her carer) with full instructions on putting 19 month old to nap and what to give them for lunch etc. When I got home at 12.45 baby was sleeping. Great! However DP did not change baby's nappy. It hasn't been changed since first thing this morn. I'm really upset about it. But he doesn't get it. Would you say this is neglect?

I e done all that because that's the way it worked out today. I actually had some energy this morning.

And DP is 'working' from home.

You need to get DP to start doing a bit more to help you out especially as you are looking after your mum too.

And otherwise occupied.(I should have added)

Why did he need detailed instructions? Is he not allowed to just do things his way?

DP doesn't do anything in the kitchen so yes needs detailed instructions. Re nap time - they woke up on time this morning (they've been going to bed later and waking later for the past couple of weeks) and as they woke up earlier today I took it as a perfect opportunity to get them back into their normal routine. So yes DP also needs instructions on time to put them to nap otherwise he'll put them to nap a bit later and then they'll sleep much later at bedtime. Hope that makes sense.

It’s best practice by any means, but saying it’s neglect is ridiculous - I hope you didn’t actually say this to your DH, that would be incredibly inappropriate considering what ‘neglect’ actually entails. It’s a one off and you can leave a nappy on for up to 12 hours over night. Having said that I would usually have changed my DC’s nappy again before half eleven, so before you left on your high parenting horse.

Also if you really need to leave detailed instructions because you’re leaving the house for an hour and 15 mins you’ve got bigger issues - either your husband is a complete imbecile or you are massively overbearing.

You know that you can change nappies while they’re sleeping. If you’re quick about it they’re unlikely to wake up.

See above you judgemental so and so. I would have changed their nappy but I was running late for my mum. God forbid. And they usually poop after eating. So after lunch and before nap is better.

You leave a nappy on all night?

His nappy was only on for 1.15? Or did I miss something?

Please don’t go round saying words like neglect. Till you’re sure.

No it’s not neglect. I think he did rather well to feed and managed to get both in bed sleeping in that time. My DH as fab as he is would still be feeding! Try and relax.

If the nappy was wet before he went down for a nap it should have been changed but it’s not a big issue. Your DP knows now to change before naps.

Also. After now reading the replies. Just explain next time to change the nappy. Leave a note if you feel you need too. But no. It’s nowhere near neglect.

The only time I change a disposable nappy is if it's pooed in or very full and about to leak. It wouldn't occur to me to do it sooner. Disposable nappies are made pretty well to avoid babies not feeling wet imo.

I wouldn’t call that neglectful unless it was a dirty nappy.

Did your kid wake up with a sore bottom? If not it's a non issue and I wouldn't call it neglect either.
Twins must be more stressful though, so maybe after giving them food etc he just forgot to change their nappy, or maybe he checked it and it wasn't that wet at the time etc.

Just breathe. They're alive, it's sunny outside (in the UK anyway) and enjoy your day x

The only time I change a disposable nappy is if it's pooed in or very full and about to leak. It wouldn't occur to me to do it sooner. Disposable nappies are made pretty well to avoid babies not feeling wet imo.

Please change them more often! That’s really uncomfortable for babies having a big bulky sodden nappy on. Would you like it?

Thanks to those who understood I was asking for advice and to those who gave good unjudgemental advice.

My partner would only change a nappy if it had a poo. Didn't think a wee justified changing it. Drove me crazy when I left him in charge for for any real length of time😥

We have 3dc so no bloody excuse for it.

It sounds like there is more to it, did he help this morning with any of the stuff you listed? If he wasn't pulling his weight that'd be a bigger issue for me than the nappy.

I think it's really important to let partners parent in their own way. If you control everything then he won't step up, particularly if you start bandying about words like 'neglect' every time he does something slightly different from you. Stop 'giving instructions' and start having discussions about parenting decisions.
"I think we should start getting x and y back into their routines. Shall we put them down for their nap a bit earlier today?"
Also, chill out.

Missing the point but I didn't think we should be taking our children to the swings.
Definitely not neglect though.

Unless your child is always in a dirty nappy then no it's not neglect. He's probably just forgotten. It happens, no one is perfect.

You weren’t asking for advice, you were accusing the other parent of neglect! That’s a bloody serious allegation.

I don't think it's neglect but I do think that it's a bit 'neglectful' to put a baby down for a nap without changing the nappy first, so that they're settling down with a fresh, clean bottom & nappy. That just seems to me to be the natural thing to do if you are being considerate of your babies comfort whilst looking after them.

So I can understand your frustration OP, but wouldn't call it neglect.