Is this neglect?

[Lovepeaceandcoffee]

Hi, I left my other half at 1130am to help out my mother (I'm her carer) with full instructions on putting 19 month old to nap and what to give them for lunch etc. When I got home at 12.45 baby was sleeping. Great! However DP did not change baby's nappy. It hasn't been changed since first thing this morn. I'm really upset about it. But he doesn't get it. Would you say this is neglect?

[45redballoon]

Its definitely not neglect which is a serious word you shouldnt fling about.... but if your husband isnt pulling his weight helping out then I can see why you are angry. It is a bit lazy not to change a nappy in the entire time hes looking after the baby. It's not that bog of a deal on it's own but if he isnt pulling his weight I can see you might be frustrated.

[Poetryinaction]

Not neglect.
To be honest one of mine was out of nappies at that age, so not having a nappy changed for a few hours doesn't seem a big deal.

[FizzingWhizzbee123]

Must just be me, but it’s just common sense to me to change a child’s nappy before nap so they’re feeling comfortable and clean. I’d just do it automatically. I’m surprised, 19 months in, that your DP doesn’t know to do this if it’s part of your normal routine. I wouldn’t call it neglect, but not ideal IMO.

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

I dont change my baby's nappy at night. He wakes and tells me when he's uncomfortable. His skin is fine and intact. No nappy rash. I think if your baby is fine, carry on doing what works for you.

[MrsOfBebbanburg]

Does your baby wet enough during the night that it’s sodden? If so they’ll probably wake anyway. But id be surprised if it’s that full by morning.

[ParadiseLaundry]

'The only time I change a disposable nappy is if it's pooed in or very full and about to leak. It wouldn't occur to me to do it sooner. Disposable nappies are made pretty well to avoid babies not feeling wet imo.'

Please change them more often! That’s really uncomfortable for babies having a big bulky sodden nappy on. Would you like it?

I actually use cloth nappies during the day (which have to be changed every 2-4 hours) and disposables at night. Do you think I should wake my baby at night to change a wet nappy? If he was so uncomfortable don't you think he would wake up?

[Sevo7]

Although it’s far from neglect I get it OP. My DP is the same,he’ll change a dirty nappy if I’m not there but I don’t think he’s ever thought to change a wet one unless it’s literally hanging round her knees. I also have to leave instructions if I leave him in charge of our 18 month old as despite being home every day for the last 2 months (furloughed) he seems to have absolutely no idea of our daughters routine

I came back from a rare day at the office last week to find that even though it’s was 6.30pm he still hadn’t given her tea or bathed despite that fact she’s had tea at 5pm and bath straight after for the last year! Apparently she was playing happily and didn’t seem hungry, I was fuming

[Caterina99]

Absolutely not neglect.

I’d be a bit annoyed if DH did that, as I always put a fresh nappy on for nap (unless obviously I just changed it recently), but I’d just remind him that was part of the routine and move on.

[mortforya]

Wow op, I really do feel sorry for your dh, if you have branded the word neglect around him. Fathers can be sensitive to things said as much as mothers, can you imagine if it was the other way around and your dh accused you of neglect, it's possibly the worst thing you could label a parent, neglectful. You must really live a sheltered life if you don't know the difference between an unchanged wet nappy and what a poor neglected child actually goes through😳

[JuneJuly]

I don't think it's neglect but I do think that it's a bit 'neglectful' to put a baby down for a nap without changing the nappy first, so that they're settling down with a fresh, clean bottom & nappy. That just seems to me to be the natural thing to do if you are being considerate of your babies comfort whilst looking after them.

So I can understand your frustration OP, but wouldn't call it neglect.

[OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe]

You weren’t asking for advice, you were accusing the other parent of neglect! That’s a bloody serious allegation.

[Crystal87]

Unless your child is always in a dirty nappy then no it's not neglect. He's probably just forgotten. It happens, no one is perfect.

[GoyourOwnWay1]

Missing the point but I didn't think we should be taking our children to the swings.
Definitely not neglect though.

[Reversiblesequinsforadults]

I think it's really important to let partners parent in their own way. If you control everything then he won't step up, particularly if you start bandying about words like 'neglect' every time he does something slightly different from you. Stop 'giving instructions' and start having discussions about parenting decisions.
"I think we should start getting x and y back into their routines. Shall we put them down for their nap a bit earlier today?"
Also, chill out.

[Pacmanitee]

It sounds like there is more to it, did he help this morning with any of the stuff you listed? If he wasn't pulling his weight that'd be a bigger issue for me than the nappy.

[AnotherBoredOne]

My partner would only change a nappy if it had a poo. Didn't think a wee justified changing it. Drove me crazy when I left him in charge for for any real length of time😥

We have 3dc so no bloody excuse for it.

[Lovepeaceandcoffee]

Thanks to those who understood I was asking for advice and to those who gave good unjudgemental advice.

[MrsOfBebbanburg]

The only time I change a disposable nappy is if it's pooed in or very full and about to leak. It wouldn't occur to me to do it sooner. Disposable nappies are made pretty well to avoid babies not feeling wet imo.

Please change them more often! That’s really uncomfortable for babies having a big bulky sodden nappy on. Would you like it?

[Elmo311]

Did your kid wake up with a sore bottom? If not it's a non issue and I wouldn't call it neglect either.
Twins must be more stressful though, so maybe after giving them food etc he just forgot to change their nappy, or maybe he checked it and it wasn't that wet at the time etc.

Just breathe. They're alive, it's sunny outside (in the UK anyway) and enjoy your day x

[MinorArcana]

I wouldn’t call that neglectful unless it was a dirty nappy.

[ParadiseLaundry]

The only time I change a disposable nappy is if it's pooed in or very full and about to leak. It wouldn't occur to me to do it sooner. Disposable nappies are made pretty well to avoid babies not feeling wet imo.

[Hoggleludo]

Also. After now reading the replies. Just explain next time to change the nappy. Leave a note if you feel you need too. But no. It’s nowhere near neglect.

[MrsOfBebbanburg]

If the nappy was wet before he went down for a nap it should have been changed but it’s not a big issue. Your DP knows now to change before naps.

[Highfivemum]

No it’s not neglect. I think he did rather well to feed and managed to get both in bed sleeping in that time. My DH as fab as he is would still be feeding! Try and relax.

[Hoggleludo]

You leave a nappy on all night?

His nappy was only on for 1.15? Or did I miss something?

Please don’t go round saying words like neglect. Till you’re sure.