Being a mum of boys. Not sure how I feel.

[ZeloAzaban]

And no it's not because I like frilly dresses.

Have a little boy already and planning a second child once covid has calmed down. Yes you'll all berate me, but I really want this one to be a girl. Love him to bits, but also hate hate how boys are still the preferred sex worldwide. It breaks my heart. So I've always wanted to raise a daughter. Give him a sister.

I hate how women are treated and every disadvantaged and sexist thing I saw growing up is still with me today. I've done a lot work with vulnerable women previously so probably seen a lot of negative.

But even my MIL now makes comments like "oh I always secretly wanted boys which I had, now you have one too!" She thinks I'll feel the same as I now have a son. She also assumes the rest will be boys as dh is one of 4 boys so more likely genetically. Even dh who said he didn't care either way and claims to be a feminist, now he said he'd quite like the second to be a boy too. This really grated on me! He didn't quite get why. He just said he loved having brothers, he knows raising boys now and loved the idea of a mini football team (this annoyed me the most).

My son is so gentle and sweet and takes after my side of the family and I'm very close to him, but I would still like a daughter! It annoys me as even though I am a mum of boys, I don't want to be in this 'mum of boys' club. I suppose I also find it offensive as I am clearly a woman.

I have this probably horribly warped view that if we have another boy I'll be forgotten and left out (also a SAHM as never really managed my career, which can make me sad anyway).

Anyone else had this before? I probably just sound like a nutter. If you have, did you get over never having a girl?

@jassyradlett

So well said. Very much agree.

Also agree, and it's also about being a woman who is strong and equal so they don't see women as objects.

This post is silly and should be deleted. I think most mother may have a split thought of wanting an opposite sex child to what they already have. It’s taking it too far to create a post about it, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s in insensitive to people who can’t have children or would like more and can’t

Why the hell should it be deleted just because YOU don't think it's important? I will never get over how bloody arrogant the people on here are about who does and doesn't deserve to seek advice.

And I will never understand why this is the one subject where people think it is acceptable to shame others for their feelings because other people have it worse. If posting about your weight troubles is not considered insensitive to people who can't afford food, then no, talking about your personal struggles around having children is not insensitive to people who can't have children, for God's sake. Or every post on here with even the slightest complaint about child rearing should be taken down.

The irony

@Greenlorry

The irony of what?

I have three boys and a girl on the way. I can't lie I wanted a daughter after my second son and wanted my third to be a girl I feel terrible in saying this but yes I cried as I had made up my mind this was my last child it wasn't so much having boys but the thought of not having a daughter that upset me.
I got pregnant completely on accident my youngest is nearly 8 now and I knew this one was my girl I just had a feeling and she is and I can't say I'm not over the moon but I think I would of been fine with another son as I am used to them.
My oldest son is very quiet and loving he's nearly 14 and he teaches me so much with how he thinks I feel like he is on my wave length and we see the world in the same way as each other he gives me advice and we're really close. My second son is literally the perfect child and I don't say this lightly he really is an angel he helps me around the house all the time he's very practical loves cleaning he's only 11. My youngest has ADHD so he is hard work at times but a little calmer then he was he's funny and says what everyone else is thinking but won't say I admire his balls in life and I hope he never changes.
I guess what I'm trying to say is it's down to personality rather then the gender stereotype of boys have less emotions or aren't as good to be around or raise and I think that's a myth. As soon as my third son was born I made peace with it and got over it fast and everyone just knows me as the one with the boys I don't think people feel sorry for me I've never felt like it and I'm not bothered anyway if they did or didn't as I'm happy with my boys. I can't wait to have a daughter but she may not be girly we might clash you just don't know how life will turn out with the kids but I wouldn't swap my sons for anything I really feel you need to see them as people not gender. My partner has a girl that looks and acts like a boy she's a teenager now and she gets on so well with my sons because she acts like a boy sometimes life doesn't give us what we want but what we need please don't feel sad if you have another son as your boys will be best friends mine are.

Thanks for the comparison between autism and criminals too

It wasn’t considered a crime. It was a terrible tragedy. I have no idea if autism is linked to crime, btw, nor did I say it. What I said is that boys are much higher risk for things like autism and aggressive behaviours. It’s very hard on families.

I don't believe this is the reason. If you google "woman kills mother" you can also find multiple cases of girls murdering their own mothers

It wasn’t a murder.

Posters are clutching their pearls at the mere suggestion that boys are more prone to SEN and behavioural problems. Yet you can’t deny the stats on this, can you?

I’m sure your boys are lovely, etc etc. But other parents are not as lucky as you.

And I know some girls have behavioural problems, but as I said, it’s just less likely.

You say it’s genetically more likely because he is one of 4 boys? Is that correct does anyone know?

Anecdotal evidence... my dad had 3 brothers. I’m female, I have a sister and three female cousins on my dads side. 2 male cousins. So I’m gonna say no. @Tryingtoslim

It’s also true that boys are more likely to have behavioural problems.

Far, far more likely to be due to harmful gender stereotypes than it is to be due to boys being born inherently bad.

It's best not to have another child with such a strong preference. It's incredibly unfair on the child that they could be 'wrong' before they are even born.

Yet you can’t deny the stats on this, can you

I'm not denying any stats. I am saying its a ridiculous notion to suggest that because you know of ONE anecdote, that means all boys carry a risk of killing their parents. Actually, if you look at the statistics, FAR more parents kill their own children than the other way around so that kind of makes your argument void. Children are far more at risk of coming to harm from their own parents than parents are at risk of being harmed by their kids.

I stand by what I suggested. The fact you are going to such ludicrous and extreme lengths to attempt to tarnish people's happiness at having a baby boy suggests to me there are other psychological mechanisms at play here. I think the previous poster is correct- its a case of sour grapes.

I cried when I found out my 3rd was a boy, but after I hades myself a grip I soon got over it and have 3 intelligent, healthy and happy boys (oh and none with SEN or criminal links yet 🙄)

*handed

Reading this thread theres a lot of people with young children, detailing how their children dont fulfill gender stereotypes, and that's great.
What's missing is the input from those with adult children. I look around at those I know with adult children, and without fail the girls are more in contact with parents, more conscientious about phoning or visiting. The boys are off doing their own thing (I'm talking about "children" in their late teens, 20s and 30s for reference). So it seems it's easier to have children that defy stereotypes when they are younger, but not as much as they get older.

Actually, if you look at the statistics, FAR more parents kill their own children than the other way around so that kind of makes your argument void

I know that and no, it doesn’t.

A higher risk is just that. A higher risk. It doesn’t mean that all boys are bad (as a previous poster said).

But you notice this at a population-wide scale. Who is in jail? Who is more likely to be homeless? Who is getting stabbed in the streets or doing the stabbing? Who is sexually harassing and assaulting others.

You’ll find that girls do not typically engage in these antisocial behaviours. Most boys don’t either but more than enough do ....

@UsedUpUsername are you for real? You can't tar all males as 'high risk' because some have acted badly. Equality goes both ways.

More men commit suicide as well as everything else.

Something isn't working.

Nobel prize winners, inventers, famous artists majority of which are male. Some users of mumsnet think men as the devil's work. Get a fucking grip. Trust me I have had some shit experiences with men, in particular my own father, but I will not tarnish all men with the same brush. And yes I am proud to say I'm a mum to two lovely boys.

@UsedUpUsername my female friend is definitely doing time in prison... soooo...

Op I think you should just be grateful for the baby you have already, I have 2 boys and couldn't see my life any other way they're my flesh & blood and I love them unconditionally, I struggled with infertility for years and years, I actually got told by a specialist I had less than 1% of conceiving naturally, I couldn't care if my boys came out green with pink spots, so their gender/sex didn't even bother me, I just knew I'd love them forever

Are there any (scientific, properly verified) stats on more boys having SEN? I have never read anything except that more boys have an ASD diagnosis, which doesn't prove anything because there is reason to suspect that many more girls are just undiagnosed.

Also, boys with ASD and other disabilities do, ya know, have people who love them just as much as they would if they weren't male and disabled. Those parents don't think "Bummer, a boy AND disabled." They mostly think "Wow, this wonderful, funny, off the wall child is mine to love and look after".
I do anyway.