Being a mum of boys. Not sure how I feel.

[ZeloAzaban]

And no it's not because I like frilly dresses.

Have a little boy already and planning a second child once covid has calmed down. Yes you'll all berate me, but I really want this one to be a girl. Love him to bits, but also hate hate how boys are still the preferred sex worldwide. It breaks my heart. So I've always wanted to raise a daughter. Give him a sister.

I hate how women are treated and every disadvantaged and sexist thing I saw growing up is still with me today. I've done a lot work with vulnerable women previously so probably seen a lot of negative.

But even my MIL now makes comments like "oh I always secretly wanted boys which I had, now you have one too!" She thinks I'll feel the same as I now have a son. She also assumes the rest will be boys as dh is one of 4 boys so more likely genetically. Even dh who said he didn't care either way and claims to be a feminist, now he said he'd quite like the second to be a boy too. This really grated on me! He didn't quite get why. He just said he loved having brothers, he knows raising boys now and loved the idea of a mini football team (this annoyed me the most).

My son is so gentle and sweet and takes after my side of the family and I'm very close to him, but I would still like a daughter! It annoys me as even though I am a mum of boys, I don't want to be in this 'mum of boys' club. I suppose I also find it offensive as I am clearly a woman.

I have this probably horribly warped view that if we have another boy I'll be forgotten and left out (also a SAHM as never really managed my career, which can make me sad anyway).

Anyone else had this before? I probably just sound like a nutter. If you have, did you get over never having a girl?

@Helmlover1 what you usually happens when people don’t get what they want they are usually pleased as they are non the wiser anyway or what either sex would be like.

If that’s your reason for not having kids as you would rather not have a boy I think your right you should NOT have children. It’s an extreme thing to say it’s really not that big of a deal tbh! I can understand if you have 2 boys already or more and then you want a girl it’s totally natural.

Can’t understand these threads honestly. I’ve had 3 boys and wish I’d had another child (either boy or girl wouldn’t have cared). Every child is a gift, and on the whole you get back what you put in. Just enjoy being a parent and be grateful.

@UsedUpUsername what an absolute load of shit.

Honestly some of the comments on this thread. I have 3 boys, all different personalities and all make me proud every day. I've never thought, oh if only one them had been a girl.

I just can't imagine ever being disappointed with what sex your baby was. Surely you are lucky to be able to have children unlike a lot of women.

Please don't have any more just in case 😩

In the UK girls are definitely the preferred sex IME.

I have both but I've seen families with all girls/all boys and think how great they are too. My neighbour has 3 girls and when they announced girl 3 I was apparently one of the few who didn't ask if they were hoping for a boy. I think that there's definitely pros to having all the same sex. I'm not saying that I don't like having both because once they are here, you obviously don't wish for them to be anybody else but before they were born I honestly imagined how both a girl and boy would fit into the equation.

The sex of your child won't guarantee their future relationship with you. My dd is very different to me and favoured her Dad for the first 10 years of her life while my sons are teens and have always preferred me. My DD's experience of growing up is very different to mine and I don't really have pearls of wisdom to share with her unlike her older brother who is like me and appreciates my advice more.

UsedUp I suspect this is your weird way of consoling yourself for not producing a son.

OP, I cannot relate at all to your feelings. They are peculiar and unusual. I'd worry about having another baby if I were you. You need to sort your feelings out because honestly, you can't raise healthy human beings with such a warped attitude towards boys and girls. Get some therapy for this. Get to the root of your feelings.

UsedUp I suspect this is your weird way of consoling yourself for not producing a son

Yep! That was my immediate thought too which is why I didn't comment on it. Its very obvious what that comment is really about.

I don’t understand why people keep seeing in the UK girls are preferred. Maybe as babies but in wider society are you seriously saying women are treated equally to men? Come on. Men have the advantage in most of the world when it comes to opportunity and power.

I really understand what you mean OP, in a sense it is something I felt but never managed to word. The need to «pass on» feminism and my experience of being a woman to a girl.
Also, and it can be true for mums of boys but also dads of girls, the fact that you are in the minority in your family unit. Not necessarily an issue, but also not necessarily always nice.

I would say most women in the UK want a girl to dress up and go shopping with.
What a pathetic reason to want a girl. Also I would say most men want a boy. UK born or not. Most countries around the world have a preference for boys. Be happy with whatever u. I u have a STRONG preference for a specific sex then do not have children

I have two boys and they are totally different. I also have a daughter and although she is a baby I can see that she will also be her own person, not just what I think a girl should be like.

What I would say though, is that if I had been given the choice I would have chosen a third boy (personal reasons related to abuse by my mother). I'm currently holding my sleeping daughter and feel ridiculous that I felt that way, she is my baby and she is perfection, I couldn't love her more if I tried. I certainly wouldn't love her more had she been a boy.

I don't think these feelings of having a preference are unusual but I do think they are silly and not based in reality. They also go away almost immediately when you meet your baby, so don't dwell on them.

be happy with whatever you have. If you have a STRONG preference for a specific sex then do not have children.

Wow... honestly don't get how anyone has any kind of preference. I'm lucky to have two healthy, happy kids. One happens to be a boy, the other a girl. They are the best people I know. They can also be annoying little shitebags. None if it is to do with what sex they are. Be grateful for what you have

I wanted girls because at tbe time I knew nothing about babies and I thought well at least I know something about girls!
I got boys. At first, I'm not going to lie, my heart sank.
However within hours, both times I was ecstatic! I would not have it any other way. In fact when I was pregnant with DS2 I hoped it would be another boy and I got the ' oh what a shame, another boy 'comments! How rude!!!

I am the only female in the house and I am most certainly not left out. It is up to your partner to show the children how to treat you, to teach them that you are important and to be respected and that your opinions count, even if others have a different opinion.
Your children need to see your partner take care of you when you are Ill or tired. The kids need to see him ask how your day was and make you a brew when you come home.
Your kids need to learn it's not mums job to certain things but its everyones. Everyone pick up, everyone is involved with tidying
My husband always bade sure that I kept my friends and went out or had them round at ours.
My career went without saying. We both support each other work, downtime, hobbies etc.
My kids are older now and my son said something last summer. I cant remember what started the conversation but he said ' mum. You have no idea how much power you have and how much me and DS2 respect you for it.

In a nutshell what I'm saying is it's up to your partner to make sure you are held in the highest esteem in front if your kids. If he doesnt do that he needs bloody well telling what you expectation of him is.
I don't want to be in this 'mum of boys' club. I suppose I also find it offensive as I am clearly a woman eh? I didnt know there was such a club. You are talking rot! One if my friends had 4 boys, another has 3 girls. Another has a mixture. We didnt rejoice or commiserate. We were happy we had babies!!!

The best thing you can do for girls is to raise sons who aren’t misogynistic dickheads. Your mythical girl will just have to deal with the shit; with boys, you can change it.

Comments are really awful here.....OP, I suggest you don’t have another for fear of disappointment that it’s a boy, not nice for a child to grow up in those circumstances.
Surely the joy of creating another life, another person and another character trumps pink or blue?

@UsedUpUsername, you sound hard work.

@MoltoAgitato, another one who sounds hard work.

Honestly, what stone do some of crawl out from?

With regards to not liking "mum of boys", I hate to break this to you but you'll be known as X's mum rather than your real name for a long time. My children's friends have known my actual name for years but they call me X's mum. I understand that when we first met they might go for Mrs MySurname but first name will do fine

Being a mum of boys is as amazing opportunity to help mould and shape your son into a future husband or partner. You have that chance to influence him and be that amazing role model.

I have two boys who are great and whilst one is daddy's boy, one is definitely my baby. I was so happy just to be pregnant that at the time I couldn't care what I had and then I fell pregnant with number 3 (a very good accident) and it was a girl.

In our home the children have us as role models and see my DH who works part time, does the school run and cleans etc. I work full time and just about manage to cook dinners. I hope they see both parents work hard in partnership to raise them and look after the house. I hope they see we prioritise family time and holidays together. My eldest boy is great and helping me look after my daughter during lock down. Including brushing her hair, making her breakfast when I'm working. Doing her homework. I think rather than be a mum of boys you need to focus on being a great mum raising amazing little people regardless of what sex they are

I have 2 girls.

I understand what you are saying about disadvantages females face. But you could disappear down multiple rabbit holes analysing this.

Just love the children you are lucky enough to have, and raise them to contribute positively to society. Don't overthink it.

What is the mum of boys club anyway? How is a mum of boys different from a mum of girls, aside from the sex of her children? If you have children of both sexes, can you pick and choose which club you're in or is there a both club?

I suppose it's those I've had around me. I don't know anyone who'd prefer a girl. If the people around me didn't go on about prefering boys then maybe it wouldn't eat at me so much. I would never change my current child to anything different. I hope more than anything that he becomes a decent man as he's so lovely now (as a child).

I probably am overthinking things in lockdown and making me feel alone as a woman, which hopefully won't actually be the case when my son grows up.

@ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal.

Maybe things are changing then. I hope so.