MIL wants me to potty train at 8 months

[Hwipriv]

Okay. I'll be honest. My boyfriends mother. I can't stand her. She's deathly traditional.

She thinks I am a bad mother for not potty training my 8 month old.

She claims to have done it with all her children from 4 months old.. this consists of putting them on the toilet then waiting until they pee then praising them profusely. What the actual hell.

My partner is siding with her because 'earlier is better'?! And if she managed it why can't I?!

Has anyone actually done this? This is crazy to me. I had no plans to do so until my girl is at least 18 months onwards. Help me before I go insane. Or at least, what do I say to her?! Because I am not doing it. But they said 'I'm slowing down her milestones??' As you can see I am typing this with anger lmao.

She's not stupid, deluded, or bonkers. Different people, cultures and traditions do things differently.

"Potty trained" means different things to different people.

I doubt many children without medical problems remained in nappies until age 4 when everyone washed nappies.

It's not "damaging" to parent differently (obviously outwith abuse), but you parent how you choose. Some parents choose to get their kids out of nappies early, some late, and as long as it's not part of abuse etc, it's absolutely fine.

Which culture/tradition has a baby trained by 4 months?! That's 16 weeks where they're surprised by their own hands and feet nevermind controlling their sphincters 🤣🤣🤣

🤣 She’s mad. As is your partner. Ignore them.

She’s not stupid, deluded, or bonkers. Different people, cultures and traditions do things differently

But she’s not the parent here? That’s the problem.

It may be old fashioned but it can work. No, they are not "properly" trained, in that they don't "know" when they are going, but it becomes a habit, and it saves on nappies. TBH I think we have become very lax because we are able to just buy nappies and chuck them away without a thought.

I did start to "train" at about one year, and both DD's were dry within a couple of months during the day. It was not difficult, and not too soon, and didn't cause them any harm. It just requires a bit of effort to take them to the loo at set times during the day. I also never used a potty. Neither were dry during the night, but that didn't bother me. They both "asked" to go to the loo by 18 months.

I am 55 years old though, so times have changed.

I’m all for training earlier than seems the norm now. Towelling nappies does that.
But 4 months is nonsense. You might get lucky and catch a couple of wees but I wouldn’t call that potty trained.

Which culture/tradition has a baby trained by 4 months?! That's 16 weeks where they're surprised by their own hands and feet nevermind controlling their sphincters

Kenya / Uganda, all countries in South Asia, even the poorer sections of UK society...basically anywhere where disposable nappies are either inaccessible or only used outside. My Kenyan-Indian relatives use the first month confinement period to identify the babies’ expressions before a pee / poo and start trying to do this by week 4-5. When you carry a baby all day and don’t use disposable nappies much It’s in your interest to predict wees / poos.

StampMc

Ok, if you thing that’s “potty trained”, fair enough.
I’d call it holding a baby over a potty and sometimes getting lucky.
Each to their own.

StampMx

Brew, hiw does that work with a boy? It can project a very long way. Does one of you hold him while someone else dances around with the potty, like a goalkeeper?
Just wondering.

Never potty trained my child, had all the options around the house available and they just went when it was the right time for them and their body.

Don't waste your time or energy stressing over this.
It's completely ridiculous to hold a Baby over toilet/potty.
It's your child and you absolutely know best, don't be made to feel like you're not doing things right.

Are you sure she doesn't mean getting a potty and popping your baby on it as part of a bedtime/bathtime routine? Such that when you DO decode to potty train at whatever age baby has at least SOME idea of what a potty is for and doesn't have an aversion to sitting on it. Always much easier if you introduce one into the routine before the age of 1.
This is how PT was started when my eldest was small, at a time of very low birth rate = low nappy sales. This was before Pampers brought out pull-ups and re-wrote how to potty train in adverts as 'leave your baby till he/she is ready' Well they would say that wouldn't they!

My Kenyan-Indian relatives use the first month confinement period to identify the babies’ expressions before a pee / poo and start trying to do this by week 4-5. When you carry a baby all day and don’t use disposable nappies much It’s in your interest to predict wees / poos.

That's called training the parent to predict when the baby might wee/poo.

It's not potty training the child to do it independently. Two very different things being conflated!

It depends if you're using"potty trained" to mean totally independent toileting (up to 8 years old where bum wiping is totally independent, or even older if they don't need reminding that tummy ache might mean trying for a poo is a good idea), or "out of nappies", or something in between. Many potty trained children need reminders. Hell, my sister in her 30s needs reminding to go before a long journey. The fact is, toilet your child how you like, but your mil may well not be lying, and aggression towards her won't help your relationship. You're stuck with her forever now, so maybe try and be less nasty?

100% agree. Tell her to FUCK off. Also, she needs to know her place. You are the mother here, not her. My ex MIL was an undermining shit stirring nutcase. And my ex always took her side against me. Note the 'ex' in my post and set firm boundaries!

its possible to work out when you child is going to do a wee or poo and put them on a potty. But this wont work if you are going back to work/ ever going to leave you child with anybody or if the baby is not going to be the centre of your world. you wont be able to ever relax and take your eyes off the,

How old is she? Tell her you had all your other in-laws put in dementia homes at x (minus two years). Stupid git. Your baby. You do it when you’re ready. 8 months only know food, cuddles and certain people.

Mayam Bialik from Big Bang Theory did this. Sorry totally not point of thread.

"Tell her you had all your other in-laws put in dementia homes"

God what a cruel thing to say