MIL wants me to potty train at 8 months

[Hwipriv]

Okay. I'll be honest. My boyfriends mother. I can't stand her. She's deathly traditional.

She thinks I am a bad mother for not potty training my 8 month old.

She claims to have done it with all her children from 4 months old.. this consists of putting them on the toilet then waiting until they pee then praising them profusely. What the actual hell.

My partner is siding with her because 'earlier is better'?! And if she managed it why can't I?!

Has anyone actually done this? This is crazy to me. I had no plans to do so until my girl is at least 18 months onwards. Help me before I go insane. Or at least, what do I say to her?! Because I am not doing it. But they said 'I'm slowing down her milestones??' As you can see I am typing this with anger lmao.

Show her this:

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/potty-training_b_1424826/amp

I actually think it would be quite traumatic for the baby?! Putting this pressure on an 8 month old. My DD was 3 for days and 4 to be dry at night. We waited till she was ready and she had only a couple of accidents ever. You will know when they are ready.

Your mil can want as much as she wants. Your dd is not her dd. Tell your dp to grow up or move back to his mummy’s house

@Wetcappuccino Do you have evidence for that?

It’s bonkers but not harmful. My mother used to swear blind we were all trained by nine months but drilling down helps one understand fully trained meant lots of accidents, lots of laundry and a summer without much clothing so you could go anywhere without fuss.

Just accept it’s a different tradition and say times have changed.

I actually think it would be quite traumatic for the baby?! Putting this pressure on an 8 month old.

There's no pressure or trauma! - you just sit them down (or if a baby, hold them over the toilet) and wait a bit. If they wee, you make the sound, and hopefully over the course of a few weeks they learn to wee when you make that sound. It is a commitment though - because at least at first, you're pretty much timetabling their wees (and hoping to notice the signs of a poo coming to catch that) - rather than waiting until they're older and they can easily tell you/know for themselves.

A baby won't be potty trained at 8 months, a fully potty trained child recognises the urge to "go" and can undo their trousers etc. My MIL tried the same with me claiming her children were trained at 14 months, but when I dug deeper she just sat them on the potty and hoped for the best. My DC were fully ready at 3 and it was a breeze, no "training" needed. My MIL spent loads of time chasing after her kids with a potty! I don't get the rush either, let them be babies because let's face it they're not babies for very long.

Who gives a fuck what your mother in law wants. Sorry for my language, I didn't even read it, I just think it's a non issue, her opinion is irrelevant

I can see why it would be particularly popular when the alternative was washing put lots of cloth nappies.
What's wrong is her insisting that her way is better than the way of the baby's actual mother (I would be very surprised if the father has given this more thought than "my mother is right", but if he has he can crack on with the trainin)

Stupid woman. Ignore her. Hers were training at 4 months? Hogwash.

You are definitely not a bad mother. To potty train so young would be stressful for you and your baby. I honestly believe they will show signs to let you know when they are ready.

Sadly though it sounds like you have bigger problems as your mil is clearly mental and you boyfriend is either a) also mental b) totally spineless or c) a misogynist who think potty training (and childcare in general) is your job. If I were placing bets, I'd say that all 3 are true.

Exactly, @ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings!

You have a h problem. He needs to tell his mum to back off. It's your baby and you will PT when she's ready. MIL has brought up her own baby and this is none of her business.

SIL did this with her dcs from 6 weeks. Apparently it can lead to irritable bladder and constipation which is anecdotally true in all her dc and her. One of her dc has been in hospital with constipation and they all have issues around it. Her eldest dd has had quite a few UTIs and SIL herself can only go about 90 min without a wee and plans journeys etc around it. We’ve never talked about it but afaik she doesn’t think there is a connection and maybe there isn’t but I would be be doing it and not just because it seemed like a massive pita

Ignore her, shes not the one potty training your daughter so she gets no say. I started trying to potty train my daughter at 18 months, before she was ready and it caused sooo many issues, in the end she wasnt potty trained until just before her 4th birthday! (Not through want of trying, we tried on numerous occasions, got the HV involved and she just couldn't get it!) When she was ready to be toilet trained it took 2 days and caused a lot less stress/upset for everyone involved. Obviously almost 4 is very late most children will manage this much earlier but the best advice I can give is wait until your daughter is ready.

@TheSkyWasDark Evidence for.... relating my personal experience?.... Yes - I was there.

SIL did this with her dcs from 6 weeks.”

Pardon my language, but how TF can you potty train a baby who can’t sit up?

Pardon my language, but how TF can you potty train a baby who can’t sit up?

You hold them over a potty until they pee. You do it a lot and I think eventually you learn if there is a pattern you can latch onto and you can encourage them with sounds like you might do housetraining a dog and you want them to pee in the garden before bed. I remember my eldest niece being nappy free before she was even pulling herself up on furniture. It seems a bit pointless if they can’t actually do it themselves. More understandable if it’s saving you hand washing and drying nappies I guess (sil is English, has plenty of money and used disposables and not generally environmentally aware so not really a consideration)

Agree with him. Agree you could not possibly achieve the status of his dm in her potty training capacity.. He MUST continue her skill himself.
And let him crack on..

It's a thing called elimination communication. It's absolutely ridiculous, pointless extra labour for mothers that has no probable benefits to the child whatsoever.

Why is your husband such a spineless twat?

No it's absolute bollocks. Wait until they are at least 2 and if you want it to be over quickly wait until closer to 3rd birthday if you don't want to spend weeks/months cleaning up accidents. I waited til closer to 3 can't remember exactly how old they were but they were ready and dry day and night in a week.

Tell them both to fuck off.

My MIL tried something similar with me buying a potty for her house and doing it without my permission. DS1 found it very confusing and I knew he wasn't ready plus it wasn't her job to interfere with parenting responsibilities. I told her to put the potty away and not mention it again and if DS told me that she was still trying to get him to use it I would not allow him to go there unsupervised.

She should mind her own business. 18 months is also very young. I would wait until at least 2 and only then if she is showing signs of being aware when she is wet or dirty.
She is your child and it's your decision. Don't be bullied into anything

Just enjoy your baby and don’t worry about shit like that, deluded women.

So if you saw some old photos of your DH, he wouldn't be in a nappy from 4 months old?! Yeah right!

Just tell her thanks for the input but you won't be doing that and every time she pushes it, have (sensible!) links to articles about potty training ready to send to her - and your DH!