MIL wants me to potty train at 8 months

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Okay. I'll be honest. My boyfriends mother. I can't stand her. She's deathly traditional.

She thinks I am a bad mother for not potty training my 8 month old.

She claims to have done it with all her children from 4 months old.. this consists of putting them on the toilet then waiting until they pee then praising them profusely. What the actual hell.

My partner is siding with her because 'earlier is better'?! And if she managed it why can't I?!

Has anyone actually done this? This is crazy to me. I had no plans to do so until my girl is at least 18 months onwards. Help me before I go insane. Or at least, what do I say to her?! Because I am not doing it. But they said 'I'm slowing down her milestones??' As you can see I am typing this with anger lmao.

To play a stuck/broken/hugely repeated record... you have a husband problem not a
MIL problem.

My mum claims that she did this with me. Started putting me on a potty as soon as I could sit. She would then proudly say I was dry by 18 months. So a whole year of training then My 2 year old has managed to get the hang of it in a week, her sister was more difficult and older. Every child is different but the chances of an 8 month old doing it are slim.

Apparently my uncle was potty trained by 10 months, using this method but it's not recommend by HV, at least not in the UK. I would just ignore your MIL as it's nothing to do with her. Tell your husband to do some reading about potty training and not to be so ridiculous.

Get some of the leaflets/small books from your health visitor on this to show her the recommended age to potty train.
Her memory of potty training at that age isn’t going to be accurate.

I really don't see the point of training so early. It's not a race. But if your dp is so keen then leave him to deal with it. My own dd would never go on a potty, and I ended up putting her in pull ups. She would just hold everything in all day otherwise until she got a nappy or pull up put on her at bedtime. I think she started using the toilet when she was about three and a half. I'm sure your mil would be horrified but it worked for us.

She obviously doesn’t know her human biology or developmental very well.

Very much depends on the kid.
My eldest seemed to avoid pooing in a wet nappy. I got fed up of doing 2 nappies in 10mins. So particularly in the mornings I'd take the nappy off, sit on potty, read book before putting clean nappy on.
If I caught a poo great, if I didn't oh well. I wouldn't really say it was potty training. More catching the poo to save my sanity. At least 4 mornings a week I'd catch that poo.

Perhaps she is losing her marbles?

Mine were gone 3 when potty trained. But they were ready and it was quick and simple without many accidents to speak of.
I think if you do try that early you're simply training yourself to recognise your child's patterns and to intervene before disaster strikes. It's not about them. (And I'd have better things to do than constantly hovering and worrying about it.)
I also would not want a whole series of puddles to constantly be clearing up when you inevitably get it wrong.

100% tell your boyfriend to crack on with potty training if he's so sure it can be done. Wish him the best and put your feet up. I give it 2 minutes. Sadly though it sounds like you have bigger problems as your mil is clearly mental and you boyfriend is either a) also mental b) totally spineless or c) a misogynist who think potty training (and childcare in general) is your job. If I were placing bets, I'd say that all 3 are true.

I would tell boyfriend you have looked into it and all nothing you have read supports potty training at 8 months. If he can find any information on how to potty train at 8 months online, from a reputable source and you can look at it and consider it together. But wont be based on any one persons personal experience, especially from a very long time ago.

Parent-led potting, or elimination communication is a real thing that can work well for a lot of families. But that's not your issue. It's none of her damn business how you manage your baby's toileting. If your partner wants to do parent-led potting and you don't, then I suggest you tell him to crack on but you'll be sticking with nappies for the moment.

Agree with telling your boyfriend to do it- and ring his mother for directions, then go out/ read a book/do something else. Theres no reason why his father csnt potty train. Apart from.them not wanting to do it!

I waited until all 3DDS had just turned 3, I know some people may think it's late but they had all cracked it within 24 hours

Ridiculous idea- I wouldn’t even bother sending her information or letting your partner have a try, otherwise there’s a risk you need to engage every stupid idea she may have. Just say thanks for your suggestion, we will wait until he’s older. Then ignore

There are plenty of batshit ‘mother in laws’ out there, but sadly you’ve got yourself a boyfriend problem. If he is agreeing with his mum over you, things are not good.

Smile and nod. Ignore. We potty trained at 2 years and 4 months. Tried at 2 years and it was a disaster. A week of puddles. The second attempt he pretty much trained himself.

I've heard of this before. Babies being taught to go on command to a whistle. Never seen it in practice, just older women saying that's how they taught their kids in the 50's/60's

My dhs nan bought us a potty for dc1 when we had him claiming she potty trained mil and her brothers by the time they were 3 months old 🙈 dhs mum said she's joking but she was deadly serious.
We started to potty train when he started to talk so about 15 months I think? That consisted of getting him out of his cot nappy off and on the potty first thing every morning. For a few weeks and then we tried pants. We kept him in pullups until after his 2nd birthday, but encouraged him to tell us if he needed to go, and it kind of clicked after a few months.

He's now almost 3 and the last accident was in January.

Please don't put any pressure on yourself, there is no need!!! Dc2 is 10 months and we have no intention of pity training yet.

Some children 'get' others don't, I remember my mum telling me DB didn't stop having accidents until he started preschool when I was getting stressed about an accident in Tesco 😂

Elimination Communication is a thing, but it's certainly not the only way, and it is a lot of effort.

I tried it with DS1, but it turns out he's dyspraxic, so it was never really going to work, and he finally potty trained well for wees when he was over 5 (not bad enough that he wore a nappy to school, but bad enough that he always had a change of clothes with him. He went at 4, there were other kids similar, the school was lovely and no big deal made)

DS2 day-trained himself at not even 2. Not an ounce of effort required on my part.

Years later, and it's all the same

If you don't want to do it, don't. As long as you're not actively forcing her into a nappy, she'll be ready to train at some point and you can do it with very little fuss then, instead of months of intently studying the child, and sitting them on the potty making noises at them, and mopping up accidents.

I remember my great-grandmother saying she potty trained all her children from 6 weeks! Mental. And, I assume, she was not recalling the events accurately! Anyway if your dh thinks it's such a grand idea tell him to crack on. I still can't get my nearly 3 year old to use the potty so good luck with an 8 month old!

My grandmother (over 100 now) had them potty trained by the age of one as she shahid your couldn’t afford to have two in nappies.

It was really common and she says all the waste from disposable nappies is just delaying the potty training.

I tend to believe her, however mine didn’t potty train till 2 1/2.

It’s possible and I believe it’s possible.

My partner is siding with her because 'earlier is better'?! And if she managed it why can't I?!

And I agree with PP - why can’t he? If it’s so important to him HE can do it.

The nursery potty trained ds in under a day, I still have the diary, he was 2 years 9 months at the time and ready, yes it could have been done earlier but not in a few hours

Let's not start calling it crazy and damaging and irrational and so on, it is the norm in many countries and unless you actually have evidence it is harmful, it's not a very pleasant thing to say.

OP, toilet train your child when you are ready. My MIL has plenty to say about how we raise our child and I just ignore her.