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Parenting

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Original poster

I messed up again......I hate being a mum sometimes

18 replies

Katymac · 14/09/2007 20:29

DD (9) lies about everything

Cleaning her teeth
having a bath
taking her medicine
Putting her shoes away
Making her bed

We had a big discussion about how much her dad & I hate it

then tonite she lies over & over again about taking her medicine - she has every opportunity to tell the truth - but it came down to me empting the bin to prove that she didn't take tonites medicine as the packet isn't in the bin before she admitted she hadn't taken it at all

So I confiscated her DS for the whole weekend - I said she can't have it until Monday

I was wrong wasn't I?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

totaleclipse · 14/09/2007 20:30

Not at all, she has to learn.

Charlie999 · 14/09/2007 20:31

That's not wrong at all - how else will she learn?

WorkersforfreEdam · 14/09/2007 20:32

Not sure you were, but obviously you need to find out why she is lying about so many things. Which I guess you are trying to do. Sympathy.

Have you asked your GP about a referral to a psychologist, for instance?

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Original poster

Katymac · 14/09/2007 20:35

I think it is sheer bloody mindedness combined with laziness

OP posts:

nell12 · 14/09/2007 20:35

Children lie

Its pants

We hate ourselves and blame ourselves

It is a stage... they are testing their boundaries, and us!!!

So you double check everything she does, watch over her when she takes her medicine and reward her when she tells the truth.

Just think, only a few years till she gets her period and you will be laughing about all this!!!!!!

SoMuchToBits · 14/09/2007 20:36

Agree she has to learn, but think maybe in future you could let her know beforehand what the punishment will be, so she knows what the consequences of her behaviour are (apart from annoying you and her dad.)

Also maybe you could find a way of rewarding her if, say, she doesn't lie for a week (or whatever time frameyou decide), as rewards can often be a better incentive.

Original poster

Katymac · 14/09/2007 20:37

No that happened at easter - & that's crap too

OP posts:

Scootergrrrl · 14/09/2007 20:39

Would she respond to being treated like a baby ie: if you don't take your medicine, we'll have to stand over you while you do like we would for a little child, not a grown-up girl like you etc etc...

princessmel · 14/09/2007 20:45

No, I dont think you were wrong at all.

Original poster

Katymac · 14/09/2007 20:46

I may go down the baby route - it's so frustrating

If she lied about stuff I couldn't prove it would be one thing but why lie about stuff that's bleeding obvious

OP posts:

Scootergrrrl · 14/09/2007 20:53

Because she can. And I don;t think you did the wrong thing either

Original poster

Katymac · 14/09/2007 20:58

I know

But we are going to a car boot tomorrow & it would have kept her busy - serves me right

OP posts:

edam · 14/09/2007 23:32

Ah, well that's the trick, isn't it, thinking up punishments that aren't actually worse for you than her.

Sounds as if you need some careful planning around this one - working out what consequences for lying will be before she actually gets to the point of telling a fib, spelling them out for her, and choosing your red lines. For instance, explaining that you have to be sure that she has taken her medicine, she has repeatedly fibbed about it, so you can't treat her like a big girl any more but will have to watch over her while she does it.

edam · 14/09/2007 23:34

Is this the dd who was being v. badly bullied at school for several years, btw, or am I confused? If I'm right, presumably that may have something to do with it. Could Kidscape help to give you some advice? Just for example, when I was bullied at school I learnt how to lie in a vain attempt to fit in. And I lied to my mother because I didn't want her to know. Once you are in the habit, it starts to spill over.

handlemecarefully · 14/09/2007 23:43

Oh no, I personally think you need to take a very firm line on telling lies and no messing - just like you did really.

MrsMarvel · 15/09/2007 00:07

She was pushing boundaries and you gave her one. Dr Tanya would be proud. Supernanny too. I'm surprised you feel guilty for it at all. I think that maybe she senses that guilt and that's why she pushes the boundaries in the first place?

Mumcentreplus · 15/09/2007 00:36

Lady why you feeling gulity?...you are her parent and you punished her for lying...something that is important! don't take no crap!...imo you did the right thing...I know you feel guilt but that's residual ..lol ((hug))

CristinaTheAstonishing · 15/09/2007 06:58

Some of the things you listed are easy enough to check so perhpas not even worth asking about in the first place, eg having a bath, putting her shoes away, making her bed. Why ask if you already know the answer, it just gives her an opportunity to lie and makes you both feel bad.

Or you could ask and then just say "oh, but the shoes still seem to be in the hall" or "you said you'd made the bed - that must have been yesterday because I can't see it done now". So allowing her to save some face.

Or "I tripped over your shoes, I didn't expect them to be there, I thought you'd said you'd put them away" to let her know consequences of lying.

Apart from taking her medicine I don't think the others are real biggies.

But then my nearly 8 year old is away for his first sleepover and I miss him so I'm probably being a bit over-indulgent. I'll come back to this later when he's home and has had time to annoy me a bit

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