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Parenting

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Original poster

Child maintenance- he's gone to CMA.

87 replies

TwoStepsAhead34 · 14/04/2020 17:08

Soo, he paid for the children in the end of March.
We had a private agreement how much he would pay and it has been fine for the past 4-5 years.
He has been furlough due to CV. I spoke to him in the beginning of April and he said he can't pay nothing this month. I asked what about the furlough pay and he also applied for UC. He was a bit shady as he normally is when we talk about money. I told him once he's back at work, he will need to pay me back the money he's missed now as "I am not going to subsidize your child maintenance, it needs to be paid back as I rely on it" - these were my exact words. He said yes yeah,I know. I will let you know about how much I'm getting.
Last Friday he didn't pay me anything. So I asked him if he has heard from furlough payment or UC? He got VERY angry as I expected. He told me I'm not getting nothing from him. I told him debt is a debt.
Today I received a phone call from Child Maintenance asking to talk to me regarding a current claim. I was like what, I don't have any claims with you. He went to CM saying that he wants CM to figure out how much he has to pay (a lot lot less that we had agreed, that's why I never went to CM to begin with). Guy told me that if he's not earning, I will get nil and if he receives benefits, he will pay £7 pw!!! I was like "He is doing this to fuck his ker." The guy over the phone was less than helpful. So I rang my kids dad - he said he will be giving CM nil income bank account details and "Enjoy your fuck all!"
I don't know what I want from this post. Just a rant more than anything. He's such a fucking asshole.

OP posts:

cstaff · 14/04/2020 18:24

If the kids were living with him and he was furloughed they still have to be fed, watered, housed, heated etc. The money would just have to be found. He is using this as an opportunity to, in his eyes fuck his ex over. What he is not getting is that these are his own kids that he is doing this to.

Original poster

TwoStepsAhead34 · 14/04/2020 18:26

@bluebluezoo he chose to move back in with his parents. He did have an option to go and live by himself. He wasn't in a "be homeless or live with parents" situation. He had a flat lined up near his parents and he was supposed to move in, with furniture waiting to be unpacked at his parents garage. I don't know why he chose parents bedroom. If I've ever brought it up in the past couple of times, he has very angrily said :" I didn't have a choice!" Another thing I don't know.

OP posts:

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 14/04/2020 18:27

If the kids were living with him and he was furloughed they still have to be fed, watered, housed, heated etc

If they were living with him he’d be in the same position as me. He’d have to do what I described above. Currently I have £34.40/ week child benefit coming in and that’s what I’m doing the grocery shopping with. My mum has also bought us some food too and paid for electric. As this guy lives with his parents I imagine they would help feed his children too.

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PinkCrayon · 14/04/2020 18:27

' So I rang my kids dad - he said he will be giving CM nil income bank account details and "Enjoy your fuck all!" '

Cannot believe the amount of people sticking up for an arsehole that says this^^
Instead blames op for being aggressive!!
Disgusting.
I get so sick of people who think that it's OK that men can fuck off and not bother.

No its not ok he is refusing to pay anything and its not OK he doesn't have regular contact OP.

Original poster

TwoStepsAhead34 · 14/04/2020 18:29

@cstaff this is exactly it. Sad really.

OP posts:

Original poster

TwoStepsAhead34 · 14/04/2020 18:32

@PinkCrayon thank you! 🙏

OP posts:

batvixen123 · 14/04/2020 18:42

Furlough hasn't been paid yet to anyone from the government. Some firm are paying out and then claiming it back, but they aren't obliged to. Furlough payment for the self employed won't be coming through until June at earliest AFAIK.

I also think it might be working out as less than people think. I seem to remember what DH has got told so far is he'll get paid 80% of what he was receiving post tax, and then being taxed on that sum, so he won't get 80% of his take home pay coming into his account. I might be misremembering though.

Universal Credit is still a 5 week wait, if not longer. It's a nightmare. So many people just have no money right now and are facing financial collapse, including lots of families where the parents are together. BiL is self employed but because his business is relatively new and he doesn't have the income from last year to prove how much he should be earning, he gets nothing. DSis has been furloughed and won't be paid until the government money comes in. It's really stressful. I can imagine the OP's ex reacting badly if he's in that situation and is being told to conjure up money out of thin air.

sweetkitty · 14/04/2020 18:49

I agree with @cstaff he sees the CM as money to the OP not for his kids

batvixen123 · 14/04/2020 18:53

If the kids were living with him and he was furloughed they still have to be fed, watered, housed, heated etc. The money would just have to be found.

God, I wish it was that simple. Lots and lots of families have their kids living with them and can't just magic up money from nowhere.

PinkCrayon · 14/04/2020 19:06

'Universal Credit is still a 5 week wait, if not longer. It's a nightmare. So many people just have no money right now and are facing financial collapse, including lots of families where the parents are together. BiL is self employed but because his business is relatively new and he doesn't have the income from last year to prove how much he should be earning, he gets nothing. DSis has been furloughed and won't be paid until the government money comes in. It's really stressful. I can imagine the OP's ex reacting badly if he's in that situation and is being told to conjure up money out of thin air.'
Universal credit isn't a 5 week wait I know of people who have been paid already.
This isn't relevant to OP's situation with her ex who lives with his parents he doesn't have normal bills like everyone else.
Infact he has it pretty cushty as it goes.
OP HAS HIS KIDS that need a roof over their head food in their belly and clothes on their back if you are a single parent having to do all of that on your own because your ex dumps his responsibility it's pretty daunting, if anyone is allowed to loose their shit here it's OP. And if there were anyone on your list of people that are struggling right now being a single parent having to do it all on their own is definitely at the top. If you have the emotional and financial support of another partner it's not comparable to a single parent.
So a little support wouldn't go a miss for OP who has found herself in the position in these extremly difficult times of having to do it all on her own instead of excuses made up for her 'poor ex' who may find it difficult he can't pay his mum and dad rent

Littleelffriend · 14/04/2020 19:10

How much extra has he been paying?

Original poster

TwoStepsAhead34 · 14/04/2020 19:27

He has been paying £56 pw for both.

He has been paying his ex £31pw through CMA - that figure was last September, he told me. Which now reminds me that end of March/early in April he complained that his ex has a letter from CMA saying he has underpaid it. He even sent me a photo of that letter where its written in bold :"According to our records Mr Ex has underpaid you by.." The amount wasn't photographed. He said that was the photo his ex sent him. I just told him to pay it as otherwise he would be chased by CMA. That was the last I heard of it.

OP posts:

cstaff · 14/04/2020 19:27

@batvixen123
You're right. They can't magic money out of nowhere but in those circumstances most people would sacrifice everything before allowing their kids to starve. Her husband's priorities are up his arse. It's all me me me and to hell with everyone else.

Original poster

TwoStepsAhead34 · 14/04/2020 19:35

@cstaff - this is exactly it : always me me me me and fuck everyone else!

OP posts:

batvixen123 · 14/04/2020 19:38

Universal credit isn't a 5 week wait I know of people who have been paid already.

And I know people who have been waiting for weeks. Do you mean you know people who have got the crisis loan in advance? Because that will be taken out of payments when they come through.

triedandtestedteacher · 14/04/2020 19:42

He sounds a bit of an arse but you went for the jugular too soon. My ex used to pay a bit more than he said the child maintenance would have calculated. Then he said he went through the calculator and it dropped by £50 a month. Not much you can do. I would have given him a chance to sort it before kicking off if you knew you were getting more than his other ex

PinkCrayon · 14/04/2020 19:43

'Do you mean you know people who have got the crisis loan in advance? Because that will be taken out of payments when they come through.'

Either way its money isn't it? Its an advance. More than getting nothing from a useless ex.

triedandtestedteacher · 14/04/2020 19:45

£56 per week x2 children? That's a lot of money per month. Ouch no wonder you're wounded.

sunshineandshowers21 · 14/04/2020 19:54

not related to the question, but no way should an 8 and 9 year old have unrestricted access to tik tok. your ex is a twat for putting up videos that his kids could possibly see but that whole issue could easily have been avoided.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 14/04/2020 19:59

Universal credit isn't a 5 week wait I know of people who have been paid already.

Well I applied on the 18th of March and have received nothing yet. I was told I will receive it on the 24th of April. And I applied before the massive surge of applications! So yeah- 5 week wait.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 14/04/2020 20:02

Probably he lives with his parents because he cannot afford a place for himself as he was paying well above the CMS requirements.

Probably he doesn’t spend much on them because he doesn’t have much left over after maintenance is paid.

I never understood why the CMS payments were so low until I met a guy who was left with £200 a month after paying rent and a privately agreed child maintenance 3 times the CMS calculations.

MasterCat · 14/04/2020 20:06

£56 per week = £224 total?

Or £56 pw per child = £448?

Do you know his salary? I'm guessing it's not particularly high if his ex is only getting £31 pw.

MasterCat · 14/04/2020 20:08

I would guess that if he's only paying ex £31 odd a week (calculated by CMS) for 1 child then his salary is pretty low, hence him not being able to really afford a place on his own.

MrBrightside1980 · 14/04/2020 20:43

@cstaff exactly what you've stated and then some. I go without, rent a crappy room in a house. I forgo any kind of luxury and keep the bare minimum to live off of so that I can provide as much financial support as I can for my children. That's what I feel should be the priority. Each to their own though I guess

Original poster

TwoStepsAhead34 · 14/04/2020 20:44

Yes, 56 pw for both. Not 112pw.

I know that he managed to get the CMA payment that low as his parents made a contract with him that he is paying £500 per month rent + gas/electric bill (they have a 4-bed house). He told me that he showed these to CMA and as these are his "living expenses" he can't pay more than £31 pw. He although has told me several times he only pays for his car - bought to him by his parents, but he pays monthly expenses like insurance, tax, Petrol etc plus his phone top up. He's very grafty with expenses etc and his parents will side with him no matter what and will help him to up the expenses, so he would have money to spend on himself. I mean - his mum makes him packed lunches for work everyday. 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

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