Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Child maintenance- he's gone to CMA.

87 replies

TwoStepsAhead34 · 14/04/2020 17:08

Soo, he paid for the children in the end of March.
We had a private agreement how much he would pay and it has been fine for the past 4-5 years.
He has been furlough due to CV. I spoke to him in the beginning of April and he said he can't pay nothing this month. I asked what about the furlough pay and he also applied for UC. He was a bit shady as he normally is when we talk about money. I told him once he's back at work, he will need to pay me back the money he's missed now as "I am not going to subsidize your child maintenance, it needs to be paid back as I rely on it" - these were my exact words. He said yes yeah,I know. I will let you know about how much I'm getting.
Last Friday he didn't pay me anything. So I asked him if he has heard from furlough payment or UC? He got VERY angry as I expected. He told me I'm not getting nothing from him. I told him debt is a debt.
Today I received a phone call from Child Maintenance asking to talk to me regarding a current claim. I was like what, I don't have any claims with you. He went to CM saying that he wants CM to figure out how much he has to pay (a lot lot less that we had agreed, that's why I never went to CM to begin with). Guy told me that if he's not earning, I will get nil and if he receives benefits, he will pay £7 pw!!! I was like "He is doing this to fuck his ker." The guy over the phone was less than helpful. So I rang my kids dad - he said he will be giving CM nil income bank account details and "Enjoy your fuck all!"
I don't know what I want from this post. Just a rant more than anything. He's such a fucking asshole.

OP posts:
LittleLittleLittle · 14/04/2020 17:53

Your language in your posts displays your attitude which is why he went to the CMS.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 14/04/2020 17:53

But something is a miss then - can you be furlough with 80% and still claim UC?

Yes- if the furlough wage brings his income low enough he can be eligible for UC.

Also- UC is taking an absolute age to process because so many people are applying. And then it’s a 5 week wait before you get any money.

Original poster
TwoStepsAhead34 · 14/04/2020 17:53

Universal Credit, not University

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Benefits Families General parenting
Original poster
TwoStepsAhead34 · 14/04/2020 17:55

@LittleLittleLittle my emotions are running very high right now, so please do carry on judging me. Makes me feel so much better. Thank you for your input though.

OP posts:
Original poster
TwoStepsAhead34 · 14/04/2020 17:57

@ChandlerIsTheBestFriend ahh, makes sense then. I don't know how much he gets. Talking about money with him has always been difficult. He just doesn't want to know.

OP posts:
Amotherof6 · 14/04/2020 18:00

Wow! Are you always this agressive?

If he isn't earning then he can't pay. When he earns again he can pay again. If on UC then there is a set amount he will pay.

He won't build up a debt (whilst not earning) and you cannot actually demand he pays what YOU think he should if he isn't earning - it doesn't actually work like that. CM will probably be the best way for him since you are so aggressive and seem to dictate to him what you think he should do.

LittleLittleLittle · 14/04/2020 18:01

OP at least if he has gone to CMS you can work out his earnings - unless he's self employed - plus how many other children he has.

Original poster
TwoStepsAhead34 · 14/04/2020 18:02

Anyway. Thanks everyone for your inputs. It is what it is I suppose. :)

OP posts:
Original poster
TwoStepsAhead34 · 14/04/2020 18:05

@LittleLittleLittle I don't know how it works. I don't know if he is self employed. I don't think he is- he said he has been working for a company since last August, but I don't know if he is there as an employee or on self employed basis. :/

OP posts:
cheeseismydownfall · 14/04/2020 18:07

I think you are getting a hard time here, OP. I completely understand why you are angry. For the posters saying "he can't pay if he hasn't got the money" - what the hell are the parents who are then left with sole responsibility for children supposed to do if they loose their income, exactly? "Sorry kids, you can't eat, because we haven't got the money"? No, obviously not. They have to do whatever it fucking takes to get food on he table and keep a roof over their children's heads. It is just to bloody easy for dickhead fathers to wash their hands of their responsibilities in situations like this.

cstaff · 14/04/2020 18:08

If he is receiving 80% furlough there is no reason why you shouldn't be paid 80% of whatever he was giving you. That is just common sense. To not pay anything for his own kids is an absolute disgrace but some men don't see it that way. They see it as handing over money to their ex which they do very begrudgingly.

EvilPea · 14/04/2020 18:08

The furlough payments aren’t in to the companies yet. If people have been paid it’s come out of the companies bank.
The self employed payments are due in June.

M0mmyneedswine · 14/04/2020 18:10

No furlough payments have been done yet unless the employer is paying and claiming it back

ALovelyBitOfSquirrel · 14/04/2020 18:12

We had a private agreement how much he would pay and it has been fine for the past 4-5 years

But his financial situation has changed and so yours will have to.

He went to CM saying that he wants CM to figure out how much he has to pay (a lot lot less that we had agreed, that's why I never went to CM to begin with)

So for years he has been paying you more money than you were entitled to and you knew that! Hmm

No wonder he went to the CM. I agree with previous posters that you sound incredibly aggressive and difficult to deal with. What money do you bring in yourself OP?

You're using the children as pawns by the sound of it.

Original poster
TwoStepsAhead34 · 14/04/2020 18:13

@cheeseismydownfall and @cstaff - thank you. I'm just, I don't know. Defeated as I'm still working, extra hours etc, he doesn't even want to look after them although he's at home! Ugh. Never mind. :)

OP posts:
ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 14/04/2020 18:14

what the hell are the parents who are then left with sole responsibility for children supposed to do if they loose their income, exactly?

Glad you asked. I can answer as this is me. I applied for universal credit and am patiently twiddling my thumbs until the payment arrives. Until then I have switched the heating off, turned off all the electrics that don’t need to be on unless used. Reduced the water heater timer down to half an hour. Meal planned, told the DC they can’t take snacks or food without asking and why, and I’ve gone through the entire house sorting out everything i can sell once the lockdown is lifted.

MrBrightside1980 · 14/04/2020 18:14

@cheeseismydownfall @cstaff here here.
Hang in there OP, hopefully he will have a moral or better yet a fatherly awakening

rwalker · 14/04/2020 18:14

Sorry but furlough payment won't be through and not a chance on UC being paid yet.
He's paid for 4/5 years and you said no problem the problem is now he doesn't have money coming in .
Sorry but think you have handled it wrong CM you will now get bare minimum

bluebluezoo · 14/04/2020 18:16

He lives at home with his parents- he has no rent, bills or food to worry about, he's parents are taking care all of this

You say that like it’s a good thing? It can be really shitty when you split up from a partner and have to move back in with parents.

How do you know his parents don’t ask for contributions?

Have you thought he’s done that as he can’t afford rent/bills etc and your CM?

I agree with pp, if he’s been overpaying so far you’ve been a bit shitty with him and CMS is probably the fairest way to deal with it.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 14/04/2020 18:16

So for years he has been paying you more money than you were entitled to and you knew that!

No- more than the legal minimum he has to pay. Not more than the OP is entitled to.

Original poster
TwoStepsAhead34 · 14/04/2020 18:17

I'm working full time in property management.

OP posts:
Littleelffriend · 14/04/2020 18:19

Furlough isn’t 80% of your wages, it depends how much you earn. There’s a limit of £2500 minus tax

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 14/04/2020 18:21

The problem is that OP expected his furlough and UC to be paid immediately and has had a strop because it wasn’t. Tbh he probably assumed it would be immediate too if he’s never claimed UC before and didn’t know about the 5 week delay. And obviously no-one has had the furlough payments before so no one really knew how that would work.

So Op: if he is getting furlough and UC then CMS will make your Child support calculation based on those things and you will receive the correct amount. However- they can’t give you that money until he actually receives those payments so you will have to wait. He has no money in the meantime to pay you anything.

Micah · 14/04/2020 18:21

^"he can't pay if he hasn't got the money" - what the hell are the parents who are then left with sole responsibility for children supposed to do if they loose their income, exactly?*

There are a lot of families currently without any income, whether there’s two resident parents or not. Currently we have nothing coming in, not eligible for UC, no furlough pay.

Whether dh was here or we had divorced, there’d still be no money to magic up.

Gizmo79 · 14/04/2020 18:23

I get where you are coming from, but personally I would be happy if my ex paid anything at all for his child. He refuses to work or even claim benefits just so he doesn’t have to give me any money....
He instead scrounges off his mother (pensioner) and aunt (also pensioner) and lives with them.
All so he doesn’t have to pay a penny in child support....