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Original poster

I feel awful...

54 replies

whatahorriblemum · 05/10/2004 13:48

I'm such a bad mum, and so ashamed of my behaviour today that I've had to change my name. My ds aged 2 has been really playing me up today because he is tired - didn't go to sleep until 8pm and woke up at 6am - and this is just not enough sleep for him. So, I put him down for a nap after lunch, and have been into his room 9 times because he keeps getting out of it. The first couple of times I just picked him up and explained he needed to stay in bed and have a sleep. The rest of the times I smacked him .
He just keeps getting out, even after I made him cry because I threw him on the bed. What is wrong with me? I feel so horrible.

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Heathcliffscathy · 05/10/2004 13:58

you're just a human being. we all do things we wish we didn't with our kids when we're frustrated. try not to smack him again...

i can get myself into a total state about naps, in the end tho, it's always ok...either they're a bit tired or they catch up the next day???

try to relax a little bit about it, easier said than done i know...and stop beating yourself up, you will keep taking things out on him if you don't try to calm yourself and be kind to yourself.

hth a tiny bit

wild · 05/10/2004 14:00

You are not a bad mum or you would not be posting this. It is dreadful when they drive you to the limit and I am sorry you feel so bad. My ds is 2 as well and quite often trashes his bedroom instead of pm sleep, he goes to nursery in week tho where he is good as gold, they rub his stomach and he goes off to sleep, no chance of this at home. I disengage and let him get on with it I'm afraid, he just has some 'quiet' time for an hour or so.
I don't have any advice for you on what to do to get babies to sleep as it's beyond me, but I did want you to know you should not feel bad. You are a human being, no one is a textbook mum. YOu can make it up and give him lots of hugs bedtime tonight.

bonniej · 05/10/2004 14:01

If dd won't go to sleep at her nap times I just get her back up again after giving her a good half an hour. It gets too stressful otherwise. Like sophable said it's not so bad as he will catch up and tomorrow you might find he sleeps fine. Is there someone you trust that could just ring for a chat?

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Original poster

whatahorriblemum · 05/10/2004 14:02

yes that does help sophable - thankyou. I know that it is my anger coming out, I'm tired too so feel a bit out of control today .
Thing is, he's always 10 times naughtier when he's tired, and it just gets me down.
I was doing some housework upstairs this morning and came downstairs to find he'd emptied his entire beaker over the stereo speakers and cabinet .

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Original poster

whatahorriblemum · 05/10/2004 14:04

thankyou too wild & bonniej - yes I will call a friend I think, don't normally feel as bad as this, don't know where it's come from.

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Heathcliffscathy · 05/10/2004 14:04

it's hard. find a way to be nice to yourself. we're all driven up the wall by it sometimes...

bakedpotato · 05/10/2004 14:04

you sound knackered and in need of a break. is there anyone you could call to get some time off this afternoon? could your son go to a friend's? after his rest, that is...

i hope he gives in soon. nothing worse than an afternoon with a tired toddler. could you give him a book to look at in bed, would that work? if he was just quiet for half an hour, it might be as good as a sleep.

but try to steady yourself, don't do anything else that you will regret later

enid · 05/10/2004 14:04

He doesn't need a nap! Just let him get up and stop smacking him please. I should think he's in a right state now. At 2 one late night isn't going to hurt him - sounds more like you need some time away from him than he needs a nap.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but I found your post very upsetting.

poppyseed · 05/10/2004 14:05

Again - you're just being normal. At least you know that you have possibly overstepped it. So many people don't....
Take time out and give him a cuddle. Remember how little he is. He may be unwell? He may just not want a sleep today and so put him to bed earlier tonight? Does it really matter if he doesn't sleep today?
You're not a horrible mum you're normal, and quite possibly tired and frustrated which isn't the same.

Original poster

whatahorriblemum · 05/10/2004 14:06

thanks enid for making me feel totally better

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Heathcliffscathy · 05/10/2004 14:06

enid, i don't think that's altogether constructive...wahm obviously feels awful about smacking him and it's done now...your post can only have been intended as a reprimand...we all behave imperfectly sometimes, most of us don't have the guts to admit it.

misdee · 05/10/2004 14:08

i understand that u wasnt him to have anap as your tired too. but if he isnt tired, then keep him awake till his usual bedtime and carry on from there. try to pop out for a walk this afternoon, he might drift off in the buggy.

Heathcliffscathy · 05/10/2004 14:09

crossed posts wahm. enid obviously has some issues that have made her feel very anxious at reading your post... you're not a bad mother, you're just having a particularly tired day... you don't sound like you're into smacking, you've just lost it a bit (and lets face it two year olds are good at inspiring a bit of a melt down in their parents). try to remember he's not doing this to get at you, however it may seem like it...he's just being two, and you're just being a frazzled mum, one who cares how she treats her son and acknowledges when she doesn't do it how she would want to...it's ok.

enid · 05/10/2004 14:12

Honestly, in my completely considered opinion, if I was in 'whatahorriblemum's situation, I would want someone to get me to stop, not to make me feel better about it.

There's nothing wrong in feeling crap about something you have done IF that then stops you doing it again.

I understand from wahm's post that she smacked her son several times and threw him on the bed. In Enid's world that is Bad. Sorry.

MeanBean · 05/10/2004 14:12

Whatahorr...etc, he's probably absolutely exhausted by now and does need a nap. Just because children don't know they're tired and need a nap, doesn't mean they don't. We all have days / evenings like these when we end up shouting or smacking, but when this happens with me and my DD, I usually get her and hug her, because she needs reassurance, and tell her she's my sweet little girl, and tuck her up in bed, and ask her if she wants her dolly/ teddy/ lala (whatever she's into at the time) and she then accepts that she needs a nap because she's happy again and we've made up. Could you maybe try this with him? He may then drop off.

Original poster

whatahorriblemum · 05/10/2004 14:12

thanks again sophable. Thing is, posts like enids are exactly the thing that make users shy away - I'm not saying what I did was right, I know it's not, but she has just made me feel a hundred times worse. why do some people have to take out their issues on other posters? I'm all for constructive criticism as you say, but sometimes people just haven't got a clue. No wonder some MN's post once and never come back again

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Original poster

whatahorriblemum · 05/10/2004 14:14

and Enid, if you read my post correctly, I didn't say I wanted to feel better about the incident, as it's happend. I wanted to feel better about myself i.e. focus on all the good things about me so that I can stop it happening again.

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enid · 05/10/2004 14:16

I don't have that many issues, honest. But I felt sorry for your son.

If you want unbridled support and back up for your actions, ring a friend. If you want to hear opposing views, post on a public internet forum.

Sorry if you are having a terrible day wahm, but I hate to say that you cannot always expect to hear what you want to hear.

Actually I am surprised at the level of unquestioning support you have got. And I don't think what I wrote was particularly nasty, just a heartfelt post from someone who is very anti-smacking.

poppyseed · 05/10/2004 14:19

oh god not an other thread getting out of control?

Original poster

whatahorriblemum · 05/10/2004 14:19

Oh get off your high horse. I never asked for 'unbridled support', just some understanding 'ears'. You are obviously so in control of your life that you feel able to preach to other users. Unfortunately some of us are not perfect.

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Heathcliffscathy · 05/10/2004 14:19

enid, if you think that making someone who feels bad about themselves feel worse about themselves will make them treat their child better, you have something to learn about self-esteem and it's importance in terms of parenting. think about it.

MeanBean · 05/10/2004 14:20

Well what do you want us to do Enid? Get on to Mumsnet and say WAHM, you're a bitch? People post on here because they want constructive advice and/ or support, and nobody has come on and said, WAHM, you're not hitting him hard enough, have they? Nobody has said she's going in the right direction, we've all just said these things happen, nobody likes them, but beating yourself up about it doesn't do you or your child any good. What's wrong with that?

MeanBean · 05/10/2004 14:22

Oh God, Poppyseed, maybe you're right!

lou33 · 05/10/2004 14:22

I don't think anyone is saying wahm was right to react the way she did, and smack, but what they are saying is that they can see she knew she was wrong, and is asking for ways to stop this happening again. She is asking for help, which I think is admirable tbh.

bonniej · 05/10/2004 14:22

wahm wasn't asking for 'back up for her actions'. She obviously agrees smacking is wrong or wouldn't have posted in the first place.

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