I massively lost my shit with ds

[NastyOldBag]

And now I feel awful.

He’s 7yo and it’s the first time I’ve ever been absolutely furious with him. I’ve just split up from Dh and with that and the stress of trying to keep my elderly parents safe and well I’m just done in and exhausted emotionally and physically.

I was doing a little experiment thing with him and ds2 where you put pepper in water and show how soap moves it (trying to encourage hand washing). I was in the middle of chatting to dc’s about it and ds1 just decided to leave the room. I said
‘Ds can you come back?’ and he just ignored me and went and sat in the sitting room. I sat next to him and told him that he can’t just walk out, if he’s not interested in something, I don’t mind if he doesn’t want to do it but he needs to just say so before he walks out of the room. He continues to ignore me and picks up his Yugioh cards. I said ‘ds, I’m talking to you, can you at least respond to acknowledge you can hear me’. He says ‘whatever’ and points to the door signalling me to go, something Dh did and which I used to absolutely hate. I told him that was really rude and that he needed to apologise immediately or he’d be in big trouble. He rolls his eyes and says ‘whatever, just go and play with your pepper’. At this point I just lost it and grabbed his cards out of his hand and threw them out of the window.

Ds is now finally asleep having sobbed about his cards for a good 40 minutes. They immediately blew all over the garden, it’s absolutely pouring down outside and I refused to let him out to get them. He gets £4 a week pocket money which is enough to buy a pack of 5 cards. I threw about 50 out of the window, he’s been collecting them for months.

I now feel absolutely horrible. He’s due to see his dad tomorrow and I know he’s going to complain about me to him. He goes to a yugioh club after school once a week and now won’t be able to go as he has no cards. His parents are splitting up and I’ve just thrown his favourite thing in the world out of the window.

Should I go and see if any are salvageable?

No I wouldn't. He needs to learn from now to respect you. Mirroring his dad's disrespectful behaviour is beyond the limits of whats acceptable.

Your reaction wasn't perfect but he caused it and now he knows his actions have consequences.

I completely agree. If my 7 year old said "whatever" and pointed to the door I can't even imagine what my response would be. I wouldn't salvage a single card.

@partofthepeanutgallery i totally agree..Yes it was wrong to throw away what the little boy has worked for, probably could have just seized them...but that was tooo rude of a 7 yr old...

What would he be doing when hes older? Hitting his mum??

OMG reading the responses to this I am not surprised in the slightest that we have such an epidemic of rude, entitled young people. 7 years old and speaking like that to his mother!!

I completely agree. I'm pretty gobsmacked to be honest.

@fungster im totally more gobsmacked reading some of these responses

Apologise to him so he can think its ok to be that rude and get worse?

Of course he will get his cards back because it was unfair to throw them out but hes def going to get punished some other way..

Whatever the situation is .as a child you need to be bloody respectful to older people including your mother

He was very rude to you op. I'm surprised anyone thinks he wasn't. I have a 7 year old and I know how maddening that kind of thing can be. It was an overreaction to throw his cards out the window but you already know that. Buy him some more, have a chat with him about how it all happened when you're both calmer. And remember kids only do that to the people they feel safest with , and he's prob feeling a bit insecure since you and his dad have split up.
Don't beat yourself up, no one is perfect and we all over react sometimes.

I can't believe so many people think OP was in the wrong. Yes, she reacted in anger but her DS has had to learn the hard way that actions have consequences. I would not allow a child, mine or anyone else's, to disrespect me in that way. No, don't go to get the cards and don't apologise. That would only teach him that it's ok to speak to his mother this way. Does he normally behave like this?

You know you overreacted and your DS knows he was rude. You know that stress caused you to overreact. It’s understandable. Your DS might just have had an out of character moment but it’s worth asking him if there’s anything that’s worrying him as sometimes bad behaviour is children’s way of communicating that they’re upset .

With your recent split from his dad, visitation with his dad tomorrow and the health scare that’s being talked about in schools (I’m sure he’s had the hand washing talk there too) that’s making lots of adults very stressed and upset I’d be surprised if there wasn’t something on his mind. That doesn’t mean it’s ok for him to be rude but it might explain why he was rude.

OP I say this genuinely and not as a dig, but do you think you might need someone to talk things through with re: your marriage? I agree with you that you massively over-reacted to your son. He was not behaving well but he's a small and probably quite confused boy. I think you actually reacted to your OH whose behaviour was mirrored by your son. I think it may actually be some difficult left-over feelings spilling out. You obviously care for your son deeply so when you calmed down enough to think you could then connect with what you'd actually done to him and that's when you realised how awful it was. The danger is that if the traumatic feelings don't get processed more, your son's copying of his dad's rudeness could push your buttons like this again - causing damage to both you and your son. There is no shame in needing help and support and divorce is a big thing to go through for most people.

Op i think that poor child has 2 abusive parents.

Are you fucking kidding me? Op overreacts one time to her child's very rude behaviour, feels terrible about it , and you come on the internet and tell her she's an abusive parent? Have you never got mad with your children? Ever shouted? Ever said the wrong thing? I guess you must be perfect and everyone who has ever blown up at their children now and again is abusive. I suspect ops little boy is very loved or she wouldn't even be feeling bad. I also suspect that op is having a shitty time having just split up from her husband and is under mental pressure to be a good parent and the main care giver. You need to think really carefully about what you say on the internet to people you don't know. If someone called me an abusive parent online, knowing nothing about me, it would have a profound effect on my mental well being.

Holy shit there are some paragons of perfect parenthood on here! Please ignore! Parenthood is hard enough even without plague hysteria, elderly parents, recent separation from abusive partners, etc....
If throwing his cards out the window is the worst thing you can do, I think your kid will survive, OP.
Your ex didn’t treat you like a human being and your DS needs to learn that your time and feelings are as valuable as his as soon as possible. If he doesn’t learn now, he will never develop into an empathetic adult. You have apologized and rectified this situation. Forgive yourself ASAP.

@justilou1 People are crazy. My mum threw my stuff in the bin in anger more than once and now it's just a funny story.

Apologising is fine but some on here are acting like she should be begging for forgiveness on hands and knees. No wonder there are so many selfish, rude arsehole kids around if this is the sort of parenting they get.

OP you are under a lot of pressure right now, your kids are probably going through the mill as well. I hope today is a better day for you all.

So much parenting advice on here is pick your battles

7 yo isn't inspired by watching soap and water and pepper in a demonstration and he just walks away. That's all.

He doesn't spit in his mums face, he doesn't tell her it's fucking boring or that he doesn't want to watch it, he just leaves the room.

How many times a day do kids lose interest in something and walk away?!

I just would have said please don't walk away when I'm showing you something, it is rude.

The OP sees red charges after him, lays into him about not wanting to watch soap and pepper, escalates the situation and then throws his cards out the window.

Pick your battles ffs

Then the calls that he is a disgraceful ride child and he behaves as the op wants in her home.

Two things about that he is 7 and not 17. It is his home too and that sort of talk will make him want to go.to his dad.

maomi that isn’t what happened at all . I’ve explained several times that I wasn’t angry with him at all for leaving the room. Maybe actually read the thread before suggesting my son will want to go and live with his dad.

*leave the room. I said
‘Ds can you come back?’ and he just ignored me and went and sat in the sitting room. I sat next to him and told him that he can’t just walk out, if he’s not interested in something, I don’t mind if he doesn’t want to do it but he needs to just say so before he walks out of the room. He continues to ignore me and picks up his Yugioh cards. I said ‘ds, I’m talking to you, can you at least respond to acknowledge you can hear me’. *

That's what you did.

Laid into him about watching water and soap and pepper.

And you wouldn't let it drop. You badgers him until you got a reaction

As i said just leave it and pick your battles

As far as bad behaviour goes leaving the room and not saying anything is hardly the worst and if he is good kid most of the time what did it matter.

You’ve literally just quoted me saying I don’t mind if he’s not interested . I’ve then clarified in about 3 other posts that I didn’t mind. I got angry about his rudeness, not the bloody pepper.

It's tough. You sound like you need counselling. Apologise to your little boy. Also explain that rudeness upsets you.

The trouble with these threads, OP, is that a lot of people want to have their say and don't really care if it's already been said. It feels like a conversation and it really isn't: nobody stops to think, well, you've probably got the point by now. I think you should ignore those posters who aren't being helpful to your situation, because they don't understand or are seeing it through the lens of their own unhappy childhood. Choosing who you interact with is a good exercise in having boundaries, which are often eroded in an abusive relationship.

Things will be better today. Make sure you give yourself some space, and some sort of treat for yourself Most importantly, forgive yourself and work out what you can say and do next time he presses your buttons so that this doesn't happen again.

Wow how spiteful of you. Well done he's going to remember this for life

What irony....

OP, I’ve had parenting fails. They happen. And sometimes I think children need to see that their parents are people who can get upset.

But ignoring that, I’d like to thank you for posting. I teach infants. We’re nagging them non stop about hand washing, but it’s a bit ‘in one ear and out the other’. Assuming schools are still open come Monday, I’ll be getting my class to do this experiment. Ignore the posters saying it’s a bit boring. Having seen YouTube clips, I know my class of 6 and 7 year olds will be fascinated.

Your parents need to source/pay for help elsewhere if all your commitments are tipping you overnight the edge. It's not your job to keep them safe and well. Your relationship with your DS is your priority, more so now, even your parents must agree with that and if they're decent they'll stop relying on you to the detriment of your own well being.

for you, OP. We all lose it sometimes. You are still a good mum.

Dont take to heart what many idiot parents on here said who let their kids do whatever. No wonder we see many rude kids about.

Love, kids need boundaries, you gave him some. Ignore the sainted parents on here whose kids must be entitled little kings and queens.

@NastyOldBag

You slightly overreacted, you're human, it's okay. You know your son, you're remorseful, you'll know how to sort things.

Just order some off ebay if you can - here are 60 new ones for £2.99 - good reviews

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/YUGIOH-60-CARD-BUNDLES-10-RARE-CARDS-INCLUDED-TRADING-CARD-JOBLOT-NEW-CARDS/254410113172?hash=item3b3c064094:m:mjcj0L5Tlqks2p-pYqf49Hg&var=554019113669

I wouldn't give them all to him at once though.

Also - I know it's not about the pepper - but for those saying it is boring - it's not! It's a great experiment.