4 week old baby and wondering if I'm cut out for this

[brightside11]

I’m feeling low today. I keep second guessing my decision to stop breastfeeding, even though it wasn’t really my decision (we started on formula in hospital due to low supply and poor latch, and having a premature baby losing more than 10% of her body weight). Baby is feeding at least every two hours and struggling to settle afterwards due to digestive issues (colic possibly) so I’m very sleep deprived. I’m so behind with the housework and general life admin and I feel completely frazzled. I’m constantly rushing from one thing to the next during every waking moment, yet still not staying on top of anything. Friends and family want to see us and I feel so antisocial too, like I just want them to leave us alone. I feel insecure about how I look as my old jeans still feel too tight and there’s a weird bumpy bit on my stomach below my c-section scar. I’m also anxious and OTT about every little thing when it comes to the baby and it’s making me doubt myself as a mother and wonder if I’m cut out to be a parent. Is this normal and does it get easier?

It is normal and it does get easier!!! But please don't let anyone make you feel under pressure. Be honest with them and of they don't understand, stuff them. Your life has just changed, your body has changed and you need to be kind to yourself. If you continue to feel overwhelmed please talk to a health care worker, they are trained for this, xx

Oh goodness me it's completely normal and you're doing an amazing job.
My jeans still don't fit and DC3 is nearly 8 months old.. although I'm not sure they ever fit after DC1&2
I completely understand feeling anti social, you're still in the very early days of becoming a parent and it's very normal to want time to get the hang of things in your own company first.
I promise it gets better.

Hi OP, I think that it is really common to have these feelings so early on, I know I felt like this a lot at the start and wondered if I had made a mistake. It does get gradually easier over time. If you feel like your worries are taking over then you may want to talk to someone about possible PND (perhaps start with GP).

You are probably still recovering from birth, are sleep deprived, hormonal and are getting to grips with a big new responsibility - you need to take care of yourself and your baby first and foremost. If allowing visitors is too much, then don’t do it, or limit it. Do as little as possible with the housework, in a few months you’ll feel able to do more and you’ll catch up, or you’ll just decide to lower your standards like me! Don’t put pressure on yourself to bounce back, it’s fine to keep wearing comfy maternity clothes and to sit on the sofa watching Netflix, you can be social when you feel up to it.

And please don’t beat yourself up over not breastfeeding, I know it’s really disappointing when it doesn’t work out but you made a good choice for your baby in difficult circumstances.

Honestly it definitely gets easier!! You're doing amazing, take any help you can and remember that you are cut out for this!!!

Congratulations on your new baby brightside

Sorry you have felt so low today. What you are going through is normal. Your body and every aspect of your life is going through a huge upheaval.

It’s normal for the enormity of being a parent to sink in after a few weeks and to question whether we are up to the role.

Being shattered and sleep deprived while trying to get over major surgery is incredibly hard.

Try not to give yourself a hard time over stopping breast feeding. If your baby had even a week of colostrum that will have helped. Your little one will be absolutely ok on formula. There is massive pressure to breastfeed and for many of us we can’t or don’t want to or some other reasons prevents it. You are not a bad mother if you don’t or can’t breastfeed.

If the bathroom and kitchen are clean and everyone has clothes to wear then that’s enough right now. You need time to get over the op and to begin to get your head around your new normal. Do you have a partner/family who would be able/willing to look after baby for a bit so you can grab some rest? Do not be shy about asking for help.

Your body is going to take time to look more like the old you and that’s ok. Right now you need to eat enough to keep your energy up. Anyone who judges you for how you look after having a baby is frankly unreasonable and unrealistic.

The first few months are sort of like an exercise in survival. You need to do only what is essential. What sort of things are you experiencing anxiety around? Do you feel it’s at a level you might need to ask your HV for advice about? Keep an eye on it and if you find you’re feeling more anxious then definitely ask for some support. A certain level is normal though as you realise you are responsible for the well-being of this tiny, helpless being. It can feel overwhelming.

You aren’t on your own in feeling this way. If you don’t feel up to visits that’s ok. You shouldn’t feel obliged to be hosting anyone right now.

Have you got people who can support you? Partner/family/friends? Is there anyone you can talk to about how you feel. You are going to be fine and it will feel easier and more normal. Keep posting because there are going to be loads of us on here who will relate to just what you are describing and have either been through it or are going through it too.

Thank you for the replies, they've moved me to tears (in a good way). Also somehow reading the replies allowed me to reflect on how much I've been through this last 12 months, with my Dad dying suddenly and then the pregnancy and traumatic birth and this big life adjustment. I think I need to be kinder to myself.

Bright it sounds to me like you are doing amazingly given the year you’ve had!

A new baby is a massive, wonderful but though life changing event. You might want to buy ‘What mothers do...when it looks like nothing’ - this book reminded me that just being a new mum is a feat.

It is SO common to feel this way in the early days OP. My daughter was very much planned and wanted but I still had very similar thoughts when she was tiny. It was much harder than I anticipated and I also wondered if I’d made a mistake!

She’s now a year old and an absolute delight, and I love being a mum! It DOES get easier, but please don’t be afraid to reach out for help and support

It’s so normal! Your priority now is you and the baby. It’s fine to sit on the sofa all day in your pjs, it’s fine to eat ready meals or have a take away, it’s fine not to hoover, it’s fine to cry, it’s fine to ask for help. You will get through this, be kind to yourself.

4 weeks is a tough time... I found early weeks tricky...it was a good job he started smiling at 6wks as I half wanted to chuck him out the window... What you have said about how you feel, seems perfectly normal from mine and others experience - fecking unpleasant, but thankfully it does pass. Keep talking (or writing) about your feelings OP to those that you feel able too...it makes all the difference.

I remember those days, I think it definitely got easier at 8 weeks and by 5 months I loved her and our time together.

I personally would tell each visitor that they could hold the baby once they had done a household task

Also remember that it took 9 months for your body to adapt to carrying your baby, how is it reasonable to expect it to go back within 1 month?

NO ONE IS CUT OUT TO BE A PARENT 😂 you kind of muddle through, hoping for the best and waiting for them to talk and walk!

My jeans didn't fit for a year as I put on 4 stone

Lost it eventually, babies do wake up all nght at this age. Cut yourself some slack.

Congratulations OP Like others have said, this sounds completely normal. I would definitely lower all expectations of housework. This is one of the toughest times as it is all new and you are SO sleep deprived. If you both get dressed and out for a stroll then see that as a productive day. It's fine to pass up on visitors, you need to look after you. Ask husband to be in charge of dinner or just accept that it's going to be jacket potatoes or pasta for a while.
You really will be doing an excellent job

Regarding visitors, don't have them if you dont want them, but if you'd be up to it, with the family at least, do what we did - anyone wants to visit brings food. Or vacuums. Or folds some baby laundry. I was able to exploit my middle sister's desire for baby snuggles for vacuuming until he was about ten weeks!

Very normal; I have a 2 week old and feel very similar! My plan is to just take every day as it comes and at some point things will start coming together a bit more (probably when I get more sleep) and I will get back on top of things but until then just getting through each day is enough

It’s been 4 weeks op. Of course you’re exhausted and feeling like shit. And it’s likely to get worse before it gets better (I found 6-7 weeks the most overwhelming with all 3 of mine). Fuck the housework and fuck your guests (in the nicest possible way). Just do what you feel like and concentrate on the baby. Take any help you can get and don’t doubt yourself

My little girl is 8 months and no way would I fit into my old jeans!

My little girl is 34 and I still don’t fit into my jeans either .

Take it one day at a time. You have a very small baby.

When it comes to feeding. Fed is best. Let the guilt just drift away. Shes fed. Shes fine.

House work and life admin will all fall into place. Wash the dishes and brush the floor. Leave it at that for the moment. Do the urgent life admin stuff - I bought a diary. Or does help. Just deal with urgent things.

Be honest with visitors. Explain you are tired. But one he other hand if someone does call. Ask them to feed baby while you get a job done. Or Visa versa ask them do a small job while you feed baby.

The Jean's will fit again. Just not now. Your womb hasn't even gone down.

You're doing a super job. Congrats on your baby.

Baby steps and one day at a time xx

Op I have an 11 week old. I feel the same. Though it has gotten easier and he sleeps in bigger blocks now. It's still very overwhelming. The crazy thing is that I have a 13 year old - so I know it passes! I thought I'd be well prepared this time but I think a newborn is a shock no matter what.

And as adorable as he is and I don't like that I feel this way - I'm looking forward to him being a bit bigger. The sleep deprivation is very hard.

I keep saying to myself 'this too shall pass'. As for the jeans, I am still in my maternity jeans. I am wearing recovery shorts though which are very helpful.

Totally normal.

I was a nanny and had oodles of experience with babies before I had dd but it's very different with your own.

Especially after a traumatic birth and section.

It's major surgery remember. I delivered at term but also had a difficult pregnancy and traumatic Labour ending in emcs...

And my jeans from then wouldn't fit but it's only been 19 years

Sleep deprivation is a bastard and guaranteed to throw you.,as long as minimum to keep everyone alive and sane is being done you'll be fine.

I lived in pjs and dressing gown first few weeks and then husband was lucky if I made a cuppa once a day let alone much else!

Are you doing this alone or is there a partner/husband about?

OP, I've got a 4 week old too and am feeling overwhelmed like you. But she's my second child, so I know from experience that things will get better/easier and that's what's getting me through. I'm currently sitting in bed feeding her and feeling like I want to sleep for a week!

With my first, I remember things getting better around 6 weeks, so hang in there. As a PP has said, those little smiles make you feel like you're getting something back for all your hard work. By 12 weeks, we were really in the swing of things; both of us had just had more practice with each other.

My advice would be to feel free to say no to visitors (unless they're going to help) and lower your expectations around the house. My DH has gone back to work this week leaving me with a baby and toddler. I have told him to expect no more than everyone alive, fed and reasonably clean each day. Eat well and get some sleep whenever you can - you'll feel much better, and the housework can wait! Don't try to be superwoman and do it all.

As others say,it's very common to feel like this.
Do not prioritise housework. And try not to read things or see things other people are doing and think you should be doing them.

Congray! Just enjoy the time with the baby. I'm 6months down the line and I'm enjoying it much more

Do not feel you have to entertain!

Absolutely be kind to yourself. Put yourself first. Don’t beat yourself up about the breast feeding ( from someone who did and had health professionals begging me to relax and enjoy my baby)
Congratulations