Really don't want.my child any more

[Knocksomesense]

I'm desperately trying to parent the child i have and not the child I want but I'm just not strong enough.

He's an absolute toad. I've posted many many threads about him. There's nothing I'm enjoying at the moment.

I need help or something but no one is listening. He's been in time out twice today and urinated purposefully both times.

I'm failing this child and just can't work out what to do with him

I’m wondering if OP is in a country where all children receive their primary care from a paid rather a GP.

Paed. Obvs.

No I'm in the uk. We paid using our credit card for some private blood tests and to see a paediatrician when he was around 20 months because we were so convinced there was something wrong. It showed all sorts of levels were off kilter. We used this ammunition to get an NHS paediatrician referral. His latest bloods are much better aside from low iron and high b12. He is now gluten free, very low dairy and low soya. They suspect he has coeliacs disease but we had already removed gluten.

CP does sound like it would fit, to be honest. Really interesting. I did once wonder if there was a birth injury somewhere. Midwives said the pushing phase was beginning to last too long. Luckily he came before they had to intervene.

School have just emailed and said they will refer us to a parenting course (at my request) called family nurture. They have spoken to the inclusion officer and have said physically he doesnt meet the threshold for referral to them and emotionally unless he behaves this way in school then they also can't do anything. I believe the course is through social services though so that's really positive.

I'm feeling positive today though. He's had a really good day with only two incidents of purposeful urination. He has been gentle with his brother and mostly listened to instructions. It's been lovely because his agitation levels have been lower today. I can't pinpoint why.

He likes his sleep but we are in a really bad phase of sleep refusal and night wakings. He wakes up very loudly and very distressed when he wakes.

No advice OP than to take each day as it comes and don’t expect too much.

Just because you’ve had a rough hour, doesn’t mean the next hour will be bad. Sometimes it’s very easy to get stuck in a mindset
“Put your socks on”
“No”
And this just turns into a battle when really, does it matter if they have socks on or not?

Glad you’ve had a better day OP.

I think what you really need is a referral to your local Child Development Centre (run by neurodevelopment paediatricians) for an assessment. They will consider other possibilities as well as CP. Ask your HV - I think HVs can refer to them - but if not then ask your GP and/or your existing paed. Make a list of all his physical issues and behavioural and set them all out when asking for the referral. There may be a wait so get the request in as soon as you can. Best of luck

Glad to see you are still posting and there is great advice and personal experience on here.
Please don't forget that schools budget for supporting children with SEN is diminishing all the time.
Your best bet is pursuing through medical as posters have described. Don't worry about school entry, any reports from medical can be shared with school and school will do their best to support appropriately.

I have an ASD diagnosed 5yo DS who school were very surprised about when he got his diagnosis. In fact, the school questionnaire didn’t contain any really useful diagnostic information. The diagnosis was made based on observations from a speech therapist, paediatrician, and me. It’s totally possible for kids to hold it together within the structure and routine of school and still have a genuine problem

Autism in schools cost money. LEA's do not want to provide for it.

My history is that I had a DS who would not sleep unless I was next to his bed, holding his hand and THEN he would go to sleep. We tried the "leave him for a minute" routine. It did not work. It got worse. I could go on and on and on about HIS sleep deprivation and MINE!!!

Anyway, my point is, my DS has Aspergers. It took him trying to hang himself (yes I know...), CAMHS, private diagnosis, private educational psychologists etc before the LEA accepted his diagnosis.

I fought tooth and nail and eventually he was accepted into a specialist school aged 12 years old and he never looked back since.

OP I really do feel your pain.

I really appreciate all of the advice. It's been so useful. Interestingly we had a great afternoon yesterday. Such a relief.

I have a meeting at school in ten minutes. They've offered to fill in the forms with me to refer on to the parenting course.

I’m sure you know this already but if your child does have underlying neurological issues of whatever sort, then a lot of the regular parenting advice isn’t going to work for him. Worth going anyway though in case there are some bits that might work, and to help avoid any suggestions it’s your parenting...

1, 2, 3 Magic is often recommended for non NT kids.

to help avoid any suggestions it’s your parenting

When someone only has one child, I can see this is a hurdle that needs to be overcome, even when the suspicion is entirely wrong.

When someone has two children and parents them both the same, yet one is ordinary and the other explosive, how can professionals think that it's the parenting techniques at fault?

Even more so the more children there are in the family, yet without fail, it's the parenting that's held up to scrutiny every time as the "obvious" cause of the child's behaviour without even entertaining the fact that the child could have AN.

You’d think that’s the case wouldn’t you BlankTimes?

Apparently referrals for further support such as CAHMS require first for parents to attend a parenting course. I'm happy to jump through the hoops and may pick up some tips.

I've been told it's because I haven't put in boundaries and that I can't be afraid to say no. Today i was told to stop using time out. I cant win

Incidentally I already have attended a parenting puzzle course (I think it's now called triple p) but to learn to be the facilitator rather than the parent. This was several years ago though.

I've changed strategy a little this last couple of days and this afternoon again was good. Unfortunately I haven't managed to avoid sitting with him for sleep but never mind.

Funnily enough my two year old has been a little bugger at going to bed this evening. So even though I consider him "normal" we obviously go through the usual parenting challenges. School seem to think I'm saying he's perfect and my eldest is.awful.

My two year old has usual two year old challenges. My three year old has three year old challenges and additional challenges

minipie Sadly, I've seen it too many times, it defies all logic, it's as though you can't even hint that a child may have AN without being scrutinised yourself as it's assumed their behaviour is somehow your fault.

My dd's adult now, there weren't parenting courses offered when I kept drawing HV's then primary school and GP's attention to her differences, but I was fobbed off for years and told it was my own fault. It's just so sad that there has been absolutely no progress made in recognising childrens' needs all that time.

Then and now, child presents with very obvious differences = the mother is a crap parent.

Yet the information about that being such an outdated concept is out there and so easily accessible to anyone with basic computing skills,
but nothing changes. frustrating doesn't begin to describe it.

If it's any consolation, in DD2's preschool, I was told that her rigidities were 'schemas of learning'. Then, when they noticed things, that she was copying her older sister, who has SN.

In DD2's first school, when she became physically unwell due to the stress1 of changing from Yr R to Yr1, I was accused of Fabricated and Induced Illness (what used to be Munchausens By Proxy).

In her 2nd school, despite having clear Speech and Language difficulties, the SALT decided to discharge because it wasn't impacting her life

In her 3rd school, they talked about DD2 'liking clear expectations' until she fell apart after changing from year 4 to year 5, then they said 'we have a problem....' and we referred to Camhs.

I've started my ABC diary on my phone this past couple of days.

Funnily enough he's been an absolute angel this last few days apart from a few incidents. I do wonder whether it's because he's been out of preschool