If you could afford to would you put your DC into childcare so you could have a break? (SAHP)

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I'm currently a SAHM on maternity leave, I'm planning on going back to work but not sure when. It will be within the next year. DD is one and we don't have family support nearby.

DH is a fairly high earner and thinks we should put DD into nursery three days a week to give me a break. I would quite like to do so but feel guilty about it too. I'd use the time she was at nursery to do housework, exercise and generally recharge my batteries. If you were in a situation to do so would you?

We could have afforded care. We personally weren’t comfortable with group
Child care before age 3. We thought about a regular sitter more on par with a nanny, but vetting and supervising would have been yet another thing added to my chore list and I just couldn’t face it. If we had known someone appropriate to hire via friends or family instead of random search, I would have absolutely done it.

God yes. Maybe 2 days?

definitely, well i already do. even more do now my DS is two and half and does not let up with demands and questions from the moment he wakes up. he does 9-3 three days a week. also it's good for him, he's going to have to go to school after all, and honestly - my sanity!

I have started putting my 15 month old in nursery 2 afternoons a week (2-6pm). I find it’s plenty of a break for me and doesn’t cost the earth - it’s a good balance. I was losing my mind a bit and it’s really helped me! I generally go to the gym, wash my hair, do some batch cooking, a bit of housework, half an hour of tv on sofa then I go and pick her up - it really recharges me!

I work 3 days a week and my daughter does 2 days in preschool. One of the days is a day I work and the other is a day I have at home. I honestly appreciate the time that I have with her more for having a day to myself. I go to the gym, do housework, or in the case of today do absolutely nothing.
I honestly think it makes me a better mum for having that time.

I gave up work when my 2nd was 2, I kept him in nursery for 3 days a week from 9-3, it was literally a Godsend, he absolutely thrives,m and is the most sociable happy child I've ever known. I also got some mind needed time to myself to recover after a tough few years. Go for it!

Yes 5 days a week from when they open to when they close! Only joking, but i have moments this seems like a reasonable suggestion.

I would for part time hours.

3 mornings, yes. Not 3 full days. A break to me, is 3 or 4 hours to myself once a week - which I get and love. But three full days, to 4.30 even... that's more time to yourself than time with her during the week. I personally wouldn't feel ok about that for such a young child. Obvs many people don't have a choice, but if you do, then I think it's selfish putting an under-1 year old in nursery for that much time tbh.

No I wouldn’t. We only ever used childcare to work, other than that they were with one or both of us.

I think it could quickly lead to resentment. It’s hard enough being the sole earner without paying for childcare that’s not needed for half the week. Would he get three days with no work all to himself?

I wouldn’t. Not for three days. There are no social benefits at that age and the point of being a SAHP is you’re at home with your child. No judgement from me as I went back to work after 4 months to get mental stimulation and a break (ie get away from the relentlessness of parenting). I’d get a babysitter for one long morning a week (say 9-1) and go to the gym or coffee etc but not clean or do the shopping. But that’s just me. Do whatever works for you.

No I wouldn't, not at that age, they still need their primary carer. Once they are more around 3 years old then yes.

My initial reaction was 'of course it's fine! You do you!' but then I thought about how I'd react if DH, who is home on his own with DS (19 months) every school holiday wanted to keep him in nursery three days a week during that time (he's on a term-time only contract) and the honest truth is that I'd be quite cross that he was spending 60% of the week having 'me time' while I was at work when that's time he could be spending with DS. We could afford it but I would really resent that money.

@LisaSimpsonsbff

I think a man posting this would have been torn apart as a cocklodger!

I don't have any issues with a good nursery as childcare but when you're having more break than time with your child during the week, it doesn't seem sensible to be a SAHM.

I'm not a SAHP but if I was, if I could afford it I would definitely put DD in nursery for a bit. I would probably only want 1 full day or maybe two afternoons. I know most nurseries have a minimum booking pattern of 2 days a week though (ours does). I would probs begrudgingly book her in for the two days a week but I wouldnt keep her there the full 8-6 on the days like. I think three days a week is too many personally, if you don't need it. I would probably use one day to do housework and errands, and then one day to enjoy myself and do things like appointments, haircuts, gym etc. Ahhhh I feel jealous just thinking about it!

I think 2 half days a week would be enough. Maybe 8 hours to get some errands done and relax.

Honestly, I’d feel embarrassed if I didn’t work and put DD in nursery 3 full days. I’d feel more unemployed than a SAHM and I think my marriage would feel off balance.

I’d absolutely love to not have to work and spend time with DD. I can’t imagine putting her in nursery all that time if I didn’t need to. I’d be sat at home feeling incredibly guilty. I feel guilty when at work but at least I have no other choice!

I would use childcare but not for that many hours, as my kids were clingy (and one has now been diagnosed with anxiety issues). I used a childminder one morning a week from 1 and playgroup from aged 2 as a sahp. I personally love a break but feel that my children were better off with 2-3 hours away rather than any longer at that age. Also, they could come home and nap so your break kind of continues if they’re away for the morning. If bonding with the adult carer is important to you then you might be able to find a local childminder who would also take them to groups to socialise. As they get older you can try more hours and see how they cope.

Yep. Sahm just now bar a few hours of tutoring a week but 2 days a week in nursery for DS since he was 14mo. I do tend to get a hell of a lot of the house stuff done on those days, supermarket shop, admin etc

I currently only get 3 hours a week to myself and my child is a lot older than yours and more able to cope with being in childcare because of it. I even feel guilty about those hours.
I'm all for doing what works best for your mental health, I think it's incredibly important but I also think you need to weigh it up with what's best for your child too. With the age of your child, I would imagine they would benefit more from being with their primary caregiver as opposed to childcare. When they are older I do believe they definitely get more out of childcare in terms of the social aspect and preparation for school.
Perhaps putting them in for 1 or 2 days a week at the most might be best if you feel the need to get some space but I wouldn't do 3 if you didn't have to.
I have struggled at times with my son but they are little only once, you won't get this time back. I think if you put them in childcare unnecessarily for longer than you need to, you may regret it down the line.
I don't want my post to come across as preachy or anything. I genuinely beliebe having some time away from your child is a really positive thing and can help you recharge but 3 days seems quite a lot if its not strictly necessary x