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Original poster

If you could afford to would you put your DC into childcare so you could have a break? (SAHP)

93 replies

PointOfTipping · 13/02/2020 16:12

I'm currently a SAHM on maternity leave, I'm planning on going back to work but not sure when. It will be within the next year. DD is one and we don't have family support nearby.

DH is a fairly high earner and thinks we should put DD into nursery three days a week to give me a break. I would quite like to do so but feel guilty about it too. I'd use the time she was at nursery to do housework, exercise and generally recharge my batteries. If you were in a situation to do so would you?

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123Dancewithme · 13/02/2020 22:16

I do this! My son goes two half days a week.

Blackdog19 · 13/02/2020 22:21

I’d find it strange to put my child into nursery for most of the day, 3 days a week, when I didn’t need the childcare. A few mornings though ...

unmumsymumof2 · 13/02/2020 22:30

I think school hours (9-3) maybe two days a week would be a nice compromise... you still have the majority of time at home but gives you two days to do 'stuff' you need to do

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Fundays12 · 13/02/2020 22:34

Yep I do it. I work sats and hubby works during the week so it’s non stop. My eldest has a lot of additional needs, my 3 year old goes to pre school nursery 3 days a week and 6 month old baby goes to the childminder a couple of mornings a month. It’s not much but I rarely don’t have one child with me at least so I feel much better after the break. The childminder cared for my 3 year since he was a baby so I totally trust her. I see her most weeks at toddlers plus she is a neighbor so my baby is used to her and happy to go. I would need to put him in a minimum of a day a week if it was anyone else but because my baby knows her he is happy to go here and there. I personally wouldn’t put a young child in to nursery 3 days a week unless I was working but it’s not to say it’s wrong to do so. I just feel they grow so fast and I wouldn’t want to miss that much as I am always doing activities with my kids. I have chosen to keep my 3 year old on 16 hours nursery instead of the 30 hours free for the same reason. You need to do what works for you and your family though.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 13/02/2020 22:37

No, I would see it as a complete wast of money, and really, who needs 3 full days alone. Housework with one child around isn't that difficult.

Dangermouse80 · 13/02/2020 22:39

Definitely, good for children and you. The transition back to work will be a lot easier too.

notacooldad · 13/02/2020 22:41

I don't get the guilt to be honest. You are talking about a few hours of time to recharge not abandoning them.

SEE123 · 13/02/2020 22:46

Yes! ABSOLUTELY. I'm currently on maternity leave and would have loved to do this. Most places near me have a minimum time commitment - so that may determine how long you'd like to put your DC in for. If you can afford it - definitely go for it!

Fundays12 · 13/02/2020 22:46

On another note my older child didn’t go to nursery until much older and struggled much more socially long term. I can now see he spent too much time with adults and not enough with other kids when he was very young.

My 3 year old is very sociable as he was used to going to his childminder from a young age, playing with other kids plus I took him to lots of groups and classes.

My baby already adores other kids as he has been around them so much.

I think going the childminder from a young age has helped my younger kids be much more sociable.

notacooldad · 13/02/2020 22:51

I agree with you Fundays
Ds1 didn't have any cousins around until he was a bit older. He really took to nursery and it was really nice seeing him play with friends that he made. He had a nice little social circle that he wouldn't have if he hadn't gone to nursery as he got invited to parties and to their house to play at weekends ( with me of course!) Many of the same children started reception at the same time so he had familiar faces around.

Sleepysnoozysnooze · 13/02/2020 22:52

I'm so happy to see this thread! I have 3 children and am a SAHM. My eldest 2 are in school and last Sept I put my toddler into nursery 2 mornings a week (9-2). Man the guilt I felt! But I have fibromyalgia, very low energy levels and my toddler is full of beans! so by the time I put her into nursery I was on the verge of a physical and emotional breakdown! I use the time she's in nursery to rest mainly and I do feel guilty about not being productive around the house when I am child free, but feck it! You gotta do what's best for you!

Peacenquiet2 · 13/02/2020 22:52

Yep I did it with all 3 dc

Lipperfromchipper · 13/02/2020 22:53

Yes!! I did, I put my dd In 2 mornings a week even when I was a sahm. I needed me time... it was lovely! And she enjoyed nursery too so it was win, win!!

Sleepysnoozysnooze · 13/02/2020 22:54

Ps she absolutely loves going there so it's been a win for both of us. Obviously if she hated it I wouldn't have made her go there! 😂

minipie · 13/02/2020 22:58

Yes, absolutely.

Not for 3 full days, but I can see that in your position if you are going back to work fairly soon, it makes sense to do the 3 days to secure the place.

The only problem is you may get so used to 3 days to yourself that it will be a shock when you do go back to work.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 13/02/2020 23:01

DD1 went two mornings a week from 16 months (9-12). DD2 started at 22 months (after being on the waiting list for 8 months!) With DD1 it was a bit of quiet time for me (DH worked away, it was my only off duty time), and gave me a chance to attend midwives appointments unheeded. With DD2 it was 1-1 time with DD1, and 3hrs with no children once a week in her other slot when DH went away again.

I actually think those few hours of a break made me a better mother. Everyone needs a little downtime. I'm not sure I would have liked whole days though, the 3hr sessions were perfect for me.

MarshaBradyo · 13/02/2020 23:02

I wouldn’t do that long no, but dd is doing a couple of mornings at 2 and a bit so I can get stuff done. Not to clean though.

DreamingofSunshine · 13/02/2020 23:05

Very similar to you OP- DH is a high earner and worked very long hours and we had no family nearby so DS did three half days a week.

Like @Sleepysnoozysnooze I've got fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid Arthritis as well as a heart condition, so we've upped the hours. DS is happy and does fun things, and I get a chance to rest, or go to the doctor/hospital without DS (I have at least one appointment a week).

1300cakes · 14/02/2020 00:34

Why not! I'm on mat leave at the moment with a new baby and I'm keeping my toddler in nursery (for two days). Remember that you can sign her up for three days, but it's not like you have to send her all those days full time. You can pick her up early, or not send her at all one day if you decide to do something else with her. It's not losing money as you are paying to have the option. Plus there will be plenty of sick days unfortunately that she won't be able attend, so it will be handy on those days that you aren't back at work yet.

RhymingRabbit3 · 14/02/2020 06:53

I definitely wouldn't. I became a SAHP to spend more time with my kids when they're young so sending them to nursery would be pointless. At the age of 1 they're better off at home with an engaged parent. And nobody needs 3 whole days for housework and "me" time - when does your husband get time off to exercise and relaxation?
I would rather spend the money on a cleaner for a few hours a week. Or if you must have time to yourself I'd get a childminder for a few mornings a week, not 3 full days of nursery.

Dozer · 14/02/2020 06:58

A break is good and using childcare fine, but three full days a week is too much IMO, unless you’re ill, eg depression.

Wouldn’t be using “break” time for cleaning when you can easily afford a cleaner.

Given your plan to SAH the money would also be better used paying into a pension for you.

olivehater · 14/02/2020 06:58

3 days a week is a lot when you aren’t working. That’s almost half the week.
It is very unusual for a nursery to have three days as the minimum. Two short days is what I used to do with my older child when on mat leave with my second.
I work now so they do two long days and I love when I have annual leave and they are in nursery and I can get my hair done, go shopping in peace etc.
I would look fo a different nursery or try and negotiate with them. You will regret giving up that much time with them that you didn’t need to in the future when they are grown up.

Soontobe60 · 14/02/2020 06:59

It's a yes from me. Children can get so much out of good quality childcare. If you have to do 3 days, I'd go for Mon, Wed, Fri rather than 3 days together. Make the most of your time when she's there!

Dozer · 14/02/2020 07:03

Disagree that a one year old who is well looked after by parents can “get a lot” from paid childcare. (I WoH and used childcare from when my DC were one, and in most cases it was good quality). The childcare can be fine for the DC, but the benefits when DC are that age are enabling the parent to work (or rest/have a break).

cocomelon23 · 14/02/2020 07:10

Not for 3 days no. Maybe a couple of mornings a week but 3 days when you're at home feels too much to me.

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