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Original poster

If you could afford to would you put your DC into childcare so you could have a break? (SAHP)

93 replies

PointOfTipping · 13/02/2020 16:12

I'm currently a SAHM on maternity leave, I'm planning on going back to work but not sure when. It will be within the next year. DD is one and we don't have family support nearby.

DH is a fairly high earner and thinks we should put DD into nursery three days a week to give me a break. I would quite like to do so but feel guilty about it too. I'd use the time she was at nursery to do housework, exercise and generally recharge my batteries. If you were in a situation to do so would you?

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FickleTickle · 14/02/2020 07:15

I would work at least one of those days though.

I was a sahm and honestly would advise my daughter's to stay working to some extent. Its been very hard to get back after a long absence and my children have coped fine but have been so used to me being there all the time. Again not really a regret, what I didn't realise was how much I love going out the door to work. Being a sahm has huge value to your children but to No one else so you are see as a lady of leisure, being needed and wanted and being you outside of the home has huge value to you (or me, in hindsight).

I did everything for my dc but I wish I'd done that for myself.

Settlersofcatan · 14/02/2020 07:15

I would hate to be a SAHM so this isn't meant to be a guilt trip but I don't understand why you would do 3 full days at nursery when not working. It seems a bit self indulgent.

If you don't want to be a SAHM, why not just go back to work 3 days?

BikeRunSki · 14/02/2020 07:16

Yes!

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Trahira · 14/02/2020 07:21

When I was a SAHM I didn't do this (until I got the free 15 hours) BUT I did have a mum who came to visit once a week and gave me a break that way.

I agree with others that 3 full days maybe feels a bit on the long side, but it's completely your choice!

Marinetta · 14/02/2020 07:25

I'm a stay at home parent and my son goes to nursery in the mornings. I was against it at first but my partner insisted it would be good for me and for our son and I definitely agree now. I got time to nap, relax, do housework etc and our son loves nursery. There aren't many activities for babies in our area so before nursery he was just with me all day everyday but nursery gave him the opportunity to be around other children and also get used to not always being with mammy. We have no family in the area so it was just the two of us constantly together so I think nursery was a good decision for us both.

HelgaHere1 · 14/02/2020 07:25

Days are a bit long imv.
Start short days, forfeiting the money, increase time later.

8by8 · 14/02/2020 07:27

I’d enrol for 3 days then maybe just use the mornings at first and build up gradually.

But yes definitely, it’s normal to need a break.

OhTheRoses · 14/02/2020 07:27

A couple of mornings yes, three full days no. If I needed a break I had friends with nannies who with notice would have ds for a morning or afternoon. With two tinies we had an au-pair but that wasn't really for sole childcare.

I'd pay a cleaner to clean and take my tot out.

I'd do it for two or three mornings or afternoons but not for whole days. Mine went to nursery at 2-1/2 for 4 mornings.

Toomboom · 14/02/2020 07:41

I did it when my child was about a year old. My child just didn't sleep and I was exhausted. A couple of days a week childcare really helped. Gave me some time on my own and also some time to be able to catch up on much needed sleep.

fortyfifty · 14/02/2020 08:03

Mine had a bit of childcare when I wasn't working s I was studying. DD2 went to a fabulous childminder and although DD1s nursery was great, preferred the childminder set up for a just turned one-year old. If your return to work is soon, within the next year, then it seems more sensible for you to use the nursery you want to use. 3 full days does seem a lot when you don't need it. DD1 was tired when she was at nursery all day. You might negate your relaxing day by bringing home a cranky baby. You could start out picking her up much earlier than 4.30.

PlantShelfie · 14/02/2020 08:07

I'm struggling to understand why you need three full days to unwind and do housework? We all need a bit of a break every now and again, but surely a couple of morning sessions would suffice?

I'm a SAHM to 3 DC's 3 and under and when I think back to when I only had one child, I'd have been absolutely LOST having three full days to myself. How much housework and relaxing do you need to do without a one year old in tow?

Sipperskipper · 14/02/2020 08:08

I started sending DD to preschool 2 mornings a week when she turned 2. She loves it and I love the time to myself to get on top of bits at home / do something for myself.

Fundays12 · 14/02/2020 08:14

Notacool dad that’s the same as ds2. He had an established group of friends before he started nursery and it just expanded so he is constantly going to parties, play dates etc and settled so well in nursery despite being the youngest they had in the pre school.

My eldest didn’t have a established group of friends until 7. I also see another family member whose child had spent a lot of time with adults and very little with other kids struggle socially.

I really wish I had put ds1 into childcare sooner and when I went back to work. He was with family member who didn’t take him to any groups or classes so he never got the opportunity to socialise and it showed.

Omashu · 14/02/2020 08:24

Yes but I’d only need like 1.5 days. Honestly I’d be happy with just half a day but we can’t even afford that right now 😭😭😭

EssentialHummus · 14/02/2020 08:24

I do this with my 2yo but have opted for mornings only (which you say aren't available to you OP, I know). I felt like full days were too long, and that she'd nap better at home. I really recommend it.

happytoday73 · 14/02/2020 08:25

Don't know what I'd do with 3 days.... I'd explain your situation to nursery... Most have quieter days even if full.. Monday and Friday near us... So they might let you do 2 days if they can pick days... Just an idea

I think some free time it's a great idea if can afford it... Food shop, cleaning, exercise and a day's down time would really free up time in evenings and weekends

Caterina99 · 14/02/2020 13:36

Sahm here and yes mine both go to nursery. DS started when he was 18m for 2 days a week (granted I was working those 2 days on a project, but we kept him in 2 mornings a week once I stopped and DD arrived). DD went 1 morning a week from 15m and she’s 2 now and usually does 2 mornings a week while DS is every morning

That break saves my sanity! 3 whole days a week, while it would be bliss, I think it would personally be too much if I wasn’t working at all. Depends on the money though! If you can afford it and you’re happy then go for it

Dozer · 14/02/2020 13:44

marinetta you say partner not DH: unless you’re personally wealthy, being a SAHM is inadviseable if you’re not married.

By “insisting” on that much childcare your DP could also be seeking to reduce the chance of you getting most of the custody in the event of a breakup. It’s a cynical thought, but does happen.

Mumdiva99 · 14/02/2020 13:45

Sorry I'm going to be a lone voice - no I wouldn't. No I didn't. Aren't you staying home to spend time with your child? So why get rid of them for 3 days a week?

thetoddleratemyhomework · 14/02/2020 14:48

For me, I would say:

At this stage, your child is young and needs more of you ideally if you don't have to work.

Much cheaper to get a mother's help for a few hours a week - they can either babysit or do a bit of housekeeping, as you prefer.

Cheaper than nursery if you have to do full sessions.

Then look for a pre school for mornings from 2-3ish when they really benefit from that environment.

HerRoyalNotness · 14/02/2020 14:52

Yes I would. We have Mother’s Day out (MDO) programs here in the states. You can do 2 days at 2 and 3 days at 3. I would have done it this year so I could crack on and finish my degree but we couldn’t afford it. Plus I find at that age they need some social time with other kids and caregivers

Bipbipbipbip · 14/02/2020 15:45

Not for three days a week - I'd be bored! I reckon I could eke out enough things to occupy me for a day or so but I think I'd be struggling by day 3. I'd feel I was being unfair to my DH who already works a lot - having multiple days off wouldn't sit right with me personally.

DS is 2 and hope to pop him in childcare for 1-2 days in the next few months as we're TTC #2 and I like him settled before we hopefully have another baby.

ThatsSooooGerard · 14/02/2020 15:49

Your baby your rules...at 1 year I'd probably use a childminder though.

ThursdayLastWeek · 14/02/2020 15:53

I would and did. Only for a day a week because that’s all we could stretch to financially.

My other children don’t have additional needs, I don’t have underlying health issues, I didn’t choose to work.

I just needed 8 hrs a week guaranteed where I didn’t have a kid with me. It was great.

3timeslucky · 14/02/2020 15:58

3 days no, 2 (or 3) mornings yes.

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