Would you be a SAHM?

[bob1985]

Just gone back to work after maternity leave and pondering this in general.

Not an option for me, but I think I would consider it if I could. Was wondering how many others feel the same? I'm actually quite surprised I be happy staying at home, I've always thought of myself as quite career focused. I don't dislike my job, good company, good colleagues etc. But I miss my DD and the time with her.

(Ps working mums, stay at home mums, we are all awesome and you make the choice that's best for you)

Well, I was a SAHM for 9 years and loved it. I didn't go back until my third child started school, and that was part time. I went back full time when he was 13. It was a decision taken jointly with DH and it was the right one for our family.

No, I personally couldn't do it. My job, my work was a big part of me and I couldn't stay at home and not work.
I'm not a natural SAHP, I got bored during mat leave (worked through with KIT days and started back when DD was 6 months.
Each to their own though, it really wasn't about money for me though, it was my sanity and my own sense of myself.

Oh and DD's dad changed his hours so we shared the time with her and work, it's a balance but we both needed to work (for £ as well as ourselves) but also wanted to have the time with DD.

God I don't think so, no. I like working

No.

I've recently finished my maternity leave and decided as soon as I found out I was pregnant that I wouldn't be returning to work.
People who know me were surprised to find out that not only was I pregnant but I was not returning to work! Everyone believed that I wasn't the maternal type and I'd be bored.
Turns out I'm very maternal and I've never been happier or more fulfilled in my life!
There are many pros and cons to staying at home for but I have found that the pros far outweigh the cons for me.
I'm very lucky to be in a position where I'm able to choose whether or not I work or stay at home.

I would have been happy to do it for a short while, I liked not having commitments every day, doing things when I and the baby felt like it, slept when we wanted, got dressed when we wanted, didn't have to see people, etc. It wasn't real life though, I was a lot better when I went back to work. I daresay I'd have ended up a hermit if I hadn't and a poor hermit at that.

I like my career and would be reluctant to give it up. I'd also be unhappy placing the financial responsibility of the household on my husband because I think it's a lot of pressure for one person.

I could do it if the circumstances were right but I would want it to be reviewed regularly and I would expect DH to be willing to do the same/drop to part time if required. I'd be annoyed if the situation was I become a SAHM because (give reasons), but then if I wanted to work DH decided the reasons I should be a SAHM didn't apply if it meant him changing his life.

After I had DC1 I was a SAHM for a bit - at the time it was the right decision for our family as returning to my old job would have been very long hours with a commute that made pick up/drop offs very stressful. But I found it tough mentally, the days seemed very long. I then found a part time job locally, which was fantastic- I felt more like myself again, but also got to spend time with DD. I'm now on mat leave with DC2 but I'm looking forward to returning part time again, I like having something for me.

No. I'd lose my mind being a SAHP.

I'm very glad my company is ahead of lots in terms of flexible working so I can do 4 days and wfh at least once a week to maximise my time with the children, but equally glad my salary is high enough it makes returning to work financially very worth it.

I'm also very keen for DC to see both parents contribute to the household in as equal a way as possible, splitting work/childcare/household tasks as equally as we can.

No

Not in a million years. I want my son and daughter to have an energetic, non depressed, happy mother who feels a strong sense of identity purpose and self. That comes from my career.

I'm a SAHM at the moment. Moving back to the UK mid 2021 and will be going back to work (as many hours as I can manage!). Before I had children i always thought i would want to stay at home with them and there are so many benefits and it is a privilege but I cannot wait to be back to work.

I was a SAHM for 5.5yrs after dc2 was born. I wouldn't say I absolutely loved it... It was like any other job I'd had; good days and bad (though the good definitely outweighed the bad).

I'd only ever had admin jobs tho, never a career. I don't regret a thing.

I did lots of volunteering whilst being a SAHM tho which gave me a break sometimes and helped keep my confidence up (and ultimately helped me into the p:t job I'm in now. Went back to work when youngest had just started Yr1).

Good luck making the right choice for your family

I think when they are under 2 or even 3 its lovely being at home with them if you have a good support network, your mental health is good and you can financially be comfortable doing so. Yes its harder to get back to work but if you have a decent qualification already and keep your network connections it should be ok goinf back in a couple of years. If you have no qualifications or career then be prepared to graft and train/study for a while to get back up with the younger starters.

I've been a sahm for five years. I planned to go back to work after two years, but things happened which meant I could not. Now I'm looking for a job and I do hope to start work soon.

I was happy having the time with her that I did have, and she slept so little I'm not sure I'd have coped with work back then, but once she was in full time education I started to feel pretty useless and bored. If I could redo it, I think I'd be a sahm for three years and then I'd have worked harder at looking for a job I coul feasibly do with the restrictions I now have (disability) right away, instead of doing what I did - falling into a self-pitying slump for about two years.

I am at the moment. We have two children under 3 and my eldest is going through an ASD diagnosis so we have a lot going on. I intended to go back butit just isn't feasible at the moment.

No, I need something else to focus on. I actually am technically a SAHP during the day as I work from home in the evenings and when she is napping, but working gives me a sense of self-worth that I think I might lack otherwise. I've always worked, and I like earning money! Once she's in nursery when she gets to 3, I'll be able to work more during the day and get my evenings back!

I was a SAHM for over 20 years. I mostly felt it was the right thing for me but there is no doubt it can be lonely and you do feel out of synch with the rest of society, which I personally feel is a shame. It ought to be a more valued and a more financially possible option for people, especially when children are under 5.

That said, there were times when I wanted to go back to work and financially it wouldn't have been worthwhile. I was a bit too short sighted to do it anyway, and didn't see that, even if all my pay was going to go into childcare, I would still be re-asserting myself in the job market and maintaining my position on the career ladder. As a consequence, I was out of my career for too long to feel I could return to it and now have a drastically reduced earning potential.

Everything considered, I would still absolutely be a SAHM for the early years, but I would return to work earlier than I did. I would also recommend young mothers try to work part time so they have a foot in both camps.

Yes if money were no object. I wouldn't do it if it meant crimping and saving every penny, but if we still had a decent amount left over I'd love to be a SAHM.

We are definitely not in that position though so not something I need to worry about

I have been on and off and always glad I had the option to stay at home or work if I felt like it.

I would if I could due back in april dreading it.

Yes! I was a SAHM after giving my career up for my dds. I felt really bitter and fed up. So I went back, stuck dd2 in all day child care. And I absolutely hated it. Stress from work, then getting in at 6:30 with both kids and having to start doing all the chores I’d done during the day previously. Every thing went to shit.

So I decided to stay at home with my youngest and enjoy her before she starts school. Life is so much more easier!

I'm not financially in a position to be able to but I think even if I were, I wouldn't have been a stay at home parent.

It's always been very important to me to be able to support myself and the DC singlehandedly. I wouldn't want to risk becoming deskilled to the point that I was unable to find a role or reduced my earning power too significantly. I do work part time though (as does DH) to maximise time with the DC.

It's very much dependent on an individual's circumstances and feelings though. I don't think there is a right answer.

Yes, I am. I had a successful career (for my age, I was only 31 when I stopped working, but was at department head level of seniority in financial services) and made the decision to give it up to raise my family full time. I didn't go back after my first maternity leave.

It's the right decision, for me and my family. I have two under four, one with additional needs. I will return to paid work one day, but probably not until they are senior school age. I don't have any illusions about being able to pick up where I left off though. We also still contribute to a pension for me and though we do have to budget on one income we are comfortable enough to still go on holiday once a year.

It's the same for me as work in the fact that I have some days that I love and others that make me want to bash my head against the wall! But I wouldn't change it. Pros are that I get to be totally hands on with my children full time (which may be a con for other people), we don't have to worry about childcare or covering absences from the inevitable childhood illnesses and that I'm available always when things crop up (like DD1 has lots of medical appointments).

Cons are sometimes it can be a bit lonely, and the judgement that you receive from some people is astonishing. I truly do not judge working mothers - whatever works for you. But I have been on the end of some really shitty comments that to be honest usually seem borne out of either jealousy or insecurity at the decisions that they have made of have had to make, for their own families. I am not an idiot. I'm married, own half of the house, have a pension pot that is paid into each month and shared access to all of our money and my own bank account (as does DH). So the perception that I'm a fool who is risking it all by giving up work, or that I must be a bit thick and just had a crappy dead end job to have wanted to give it up, or that I'm lazy and sit around drinking tea all day whilst my children play quietly at my feet, irks me.

Still, we're happy, it works for us and that's all that matters!