Would you be a SAHM?

[bob1985]

Just gone back to work after maternity leave and pondering this in general.

Not an option for me, but I think I would consider it if I could. Was wondering how many others feel the same? I'm actually quite surprised I be happy staying at home, I've always thought of myself as quite career focused. I don't dislike my job, good company, good colleagues etc. But I miss my DD and the time with her.

(Ps working mums, stay at home mums, we are all awesome and you make the choice that's best for you)

Yes I’d love to. I love being at home, cooking, playing with DD and going to baby groups. Work, the nursery run etc. makes me stressed. Doing 3 days a week I thought I had the best of both but honestly if I could work less I would.

If I had another child (unlikely), I’d hope to be a SAHM. I just couldn’t be bothered with juggling two kids/ nursery runs as well as school, sickness etc. life is too short. I probably have another 40 years of work ahead of me so I don’t think taking a few years out would be a big deal.

No I love my job too much

Yes I was for 6 years. It was the right decision for us.

Well I am currently to twin toddlers and it wasn’t really by choice... if I’d had the choice I’d probably have continued to work. I love being with my DC and due to their health circumstances and development delays it’s been said by their Paediatrician that having a SAHP has been very beneficial for them, but if DH offered to swap roles and I get myself a FT job and he stays to look after them I’d bite his hand off

God no, I hated maternity leave, found it very isolating. Was so much happier when I returned to work. If I'd been of the generation where women were expected to give up work after marriage I'd probably never have married.

Today I'd say yes tomorrow might be a different story 🤷🏾‍♀️ I still work simply because staying out of work can leave you financially vulnerable and would hate to try and re enter working life after several years off

No I enjoy working too much. I found Mat leave really isolating.
No judgement for those that do though.....just make sure you're protected financially.

Thanks for the replies all. Such a mix of replies!

I think what saddens me is that the choice is taken away from so many parents (no harm in a stay at home dad) due to financial pressures.

On the flip side childcare is so expensive too.....

No. I'd absolutely work fewer days though - ideally 3- to keep my financial independence but also to have a decent amount of time with the children.

I wouldn’t have wanted to when my kids were very small actually... I loved being with them but I valued the break working 2 days a week. My youngest is starting school in September and I am planning to stop working then! The wrong way round rather but it’s just become too much of a juggle now and DH is now working in a role which means to make the most of it he can’t be around as much for childcare stuff. I plan to keep up my professional registration so I can always go back.

I can’t wait to be honest!!

There are very, very few SAHDs. Men almost all want and get to be parents and retain or improve their position at work.

I think I would very much enjoy not doing paid work, but wouldn’t want to be financially dependent on a man, or to do things (beyond having DC and working PT for several years) to further reduce my earnings, medium and long term.

If money wasn't an issue then yes, certainly at least until they went to school and then I would work part time school hours so I could do drop off and pick up, attend plays etc.
Alas, it is just not possible in my circumstances so I am going to make the most of my maternity leave and will then just have to get on with working full time to fund living.

I almost am - I wfh on a self-employed basis around DD for a few hours a day. Factors that make it work for me:

1. Having another source of income (that's the biggie)
2. Being able to keep my hand in with work, for my self-esteem mainly
3. Supportive DH who has a lot of time with DD too
4. Good network of friends working 3/4 days who I can meet up with
5. Some amount of childcare available so I can have a break too.

If any of these weren't available I doubt I'd cope - I start to go funny during half-term etc.

That’s the plan. It’s what I’ve always wanted, and I’m lucky in that we are in a situation where it’s possible (DH and I own a business in agriculture). It might be that we get there and I hate it and go back to work, but it’s nice to have the option.

I have been one for almost 14 years. It has been really wonderful but I'm not enjoying it so much now the DC are both at secondary school. It's a big change once they leave primary - I feel much less involved in the community now. This is the first time I've felt a bit trapped by the decision I made all those years ago.

I'd love a job just so I can feel useful again - I've done volunteering but it's not what I want to do now. It's hard to find anything that suits the hours I'm available to work and won't require me to work at weekends.

I worked for 20 years before becoming a SAHM so I've kind of had the best of both worlds I suppose and it has been lovely being there for every moment of my DC's childhoods.

God no! I work 2.5 days (although it ends up being more in terms of hours as I'm a teacher) and it's really great. I am very very lucky to be able to work part time.

Yes, really loved it too. I've only very recently returned to work after 6 years as a SAHM (my youngest has gone to school)and I'm a bit gutted it's over!

I really don't know what to do. We're planning on TTC early next year and my husband is being lovely and saying it's up to me if I want to go back to work as financially it won't really make a difference but I just really don't know what to do! I think I'll go mad if I'm at home all day but in my work- NHS the policy is PT a min of 3 days. That just seems too much to me!

I'm a sahm to my 2yo dd. I do some creative work alongside, though, which is sometimes paid, sometimes not. But that does give me an outlet and it's related to my field. There are good days and bad days, as with anything, but it's the right decision for us as a family at the moment. I'm also made a big effort to make mum friends and so we have nice, busy days out and about.

I should add that my dh and I have a joint account. There have been times in our 10 years together that he's earnt more, times I've earnt more. I couldn't imagine any other set up. And he really values my role. I think that makes a big difference.

“ my husband is being lovely and saying it's up to me if I want to go back to work as financially it won't really make a difference”

It could make a massive, massive difference to your personal financial future. Take into account the medium and long term too.

3 days a week working is fine IME!

Also, husbands are less “lovely” post break-up. Half of relationships end. The Hs are not the ones taking personal work and financial risks by SAH.

I certainly couldn’t have done it before DS went to school. Maybe now. I’m not loving my job at the moment. But DH isn’t loving his job either, so it wouldn’t be fair for me to quit and put even more pressure on him. Plus I’m not sure how wise it would be - I’m not worried about DH leaving me, and the house and everything else is in joint names, but who know what the future might hold?

I was for 7 years. I loved it and am glad 8 had that time with my kids although sometimes it was really exhauating. Once they were both at school I was bored and lonely. Love working part time now.

I hated it. Went back to work when DD1 was 4 months.
Just as well, as I was widowed before DD2’s first birthday, and needed to rapidly increase my hours to full time to support us all financially. As a hospital doctor, I’d have been too long out of practice to do that easily if I’d spent years being a SAHM- I’d have needed retraining and refresher courses.