Starting nursery, advice please.

[anxiousmama1]

Hi ladies, first time posting but very anxious about taking DD to nursery for the first time.

DD just turned 8 months old, and we're very lucky that she's only going to attend nursery 1 day a week (I'll be working 3 days and family will have her for 2) so she won't be there often, 1 day is all we can afford.

Dreading going back to work anyway as I can't bear my job and struggled with anxiety over it pre pregnancy, so as I'm sure you can imagine, the added stress over leaving DD to be there has kept me awake at night for months.

But more to the point, DD is very clingy, she had a handful of people she's okay with (me, DH & my DM) but will often cry if anyone else holds her. She looks to me for comfort constantly, which of course I expect but am wondering how she'll manage in nursery with people she doesn't know. She even gets upset if other babies come near her which really won't be ideal in nursery.

Taking her for a taster session this week where I will stay with her, then booking her in for a half day to see how we get on (I won't stay for that). Not sure who'll be more upset, me or DD! Any advice or anyone's who's got any similar experience?

If you read this whole thing then thank you! Sorry for rambling

I think it'll actually be harder just one day a week, not easier. It's harder to settle with people you see so infrequently.

Just a suggestion but maybe stop looking at nursery so negatively - I (and this is a personal choice) would choose nursery over family care every single time. The staff are fully trained, they have loads of resources that are all enriching, your DD will learn fantastic social skills and manners, her language will come on leaps and bounds. She will get exposed to different cultures, different people. Become more independent.

My DS is in nursery 4 days a week and has been since 9 months. He can use a knife, fork and spoon, and can request the appropriate one by name. He drinks from a normal cup. I'm not sure how many words (over 200) he has but he speaks in simple sentences. He has friends he can name and who he looks forward to seeing. He is only 22 months old, and I honestly have to credit nursery with the vast majority of his developmental skills.

Nursery isn't just baby jail while you go to work, choose the right one and it can be hugely beneficial for your child.

In terms of settling my nursery offered a structured programme of it that took approximately 6 weeks. From memory it was half an hour while I was there, then an hour while I watched on the CCTV from the parent room, then an hour, then 2 hours including a mealtime, then a half day, then 6 hours. All free.

Thank you for your response. Yes I see what you mean about one day a week possibly making it harder for her to settle. It's something that we did consider, but unfortunately we simply can't afford anything more. Placing her in nursery for one day wasn't based on not wanting her there but more so not being able to afford any more days. I don't view the nursery negatively at all, we've chosen a lovely nursery that I'm very happy with. I'm just struggling with the emotional side of leaving her for the day and how she'll handle it, I feel almost as bad about leaving her with my family, though to clarify, one of the 'family days' she'll be with DH. The other day she'll be with my DM whom she loves.

She’ll be OK I promise It will be an adjustment & hard for you both at first but she will settle & I bet after a month or so, she’ll be happy as larry.

Best thing you can do is prepare yourself. This has to happen & there will be tears. Brace yourself & stay strong. Don’t cry in front of your DD if you can manage! Give your DD a big cuddle, pass her to her key worker and leave. It’s genuinely the best thing to do, as hard as it seems. Cry in the car. Ask the nursery if you can phone in an hour or so to see how your DD is getting on. I promise no nursery will just leave a sobbing child who won’t settle. If in the unlikely event she won’t settle, they will call you to discuss the best course of action! But chances are, they’ll be able to distract her with all the new toys & activities. It’ll take a few weeks for her to adjust & feel comfortable, given she’s only going once a week but she will! My daughter only went once a week for the first year & she’s been fine! Admittedly, she’s not a clingy child but still, she was tearful & wary for the first few weeks. It’s normal!

Hopefully, you’ll find it’s a big positive for your daughter to realise it’s ok to be looked after by different people! And therefore be less clingy to you! I’m a big believer in children getting that different socialisation from an early-ish age. And not just be thoroughly attached to one parent. Other people I’m sure will take the opposite view but it’s worked for our family. My toddler is confident, sociable & so loving. She has learnt to share (within reason, she is two 😂), play kindly with other children, socialise confidently with a variety of adults, follow rules & routines (handy for school) .. and the best part, her running to me for a cuddle on pick up waving a painting she’s done

I hope all goes well for you both! 🧡

Be prepared for a long time setting in if only going one day a week. Most nurseries won’t take kids for just one day for this reason. Don’t prolong goodbyes, just a quick wave and smile and off you go. You can always ring them to check how she is once she’s left. And she might cry when you pick her up, totally normal.

Have you considered two half days instead? That's what I did and then DH had her in the afternoons. It means he isn't solely looking after her all day (she's pretty high maintenance and very boob orientated still) . It made me feel less guilty about going to work.
Shes now 15 months and goes to nursery more and loves it and they do all sorts of things there like finger painting and paddling and crafts that we don't get to do at home.
They really have no sense of time.
Oh and suddenly after having a baby work is a lot less stressful than before mat leave! It's just not that important!
I'm sorry I've forgotten your original post and I'm probably rambling lol

Everyone told me DS would struggle with one day, DH and I both work consolidated hours so have him for two days and grandparents have him for two days, he goes to nursery for one. I can't tell you how much he loves it, he is exhausted after so make sure three next day had plenty of time for naps or just quiet home play or local park etc rather than mad dashing around, especially at first. His verbal communication in particular is coming on leaps and bounds and he's not even 14 months, he's also running around like a little lunatic. We did what the nursery called a run up, before I went back we did an hour together on Monday two hours and I left after one on the Tuesday, Wednesday three hours and I left after about twenty minutes, Thursday full day. From then on he did a full day per week but while I was still off for the first few they were shorter than he does now and I liked being on hand should I need to get him. Not that I did. I quickly learned not to send him in his nicer clothes and to expect to have to thoroughly scrub him in the bath after and then early bed time