Toddler behind on verbal skills but he won't sit or focus enough for us to try to develop them

[mamma536]

DS is 2.5. His gross motor skills are brilliant fine motor skills are ok. Communication wise I think he has actually regressed. He used to try to repeat words when we asked, but doesn't anymore. He's stopped using words he used to know. His spoken vocab is probably down to milk, please, no and asking for screens (we are limiting).

We know he understands more (he'll carry out a few instructions and will occasionally fetch something for us) but he won't focus on us to even listen much less carry out any instruction. We try to praise as much as possible, but he doesn't seem to have any interest in pleasing us, which I thought most kids would have, just himself.

We try endlessly with animals, colours, instructions, books, but he has no interest. He almost never sits down for a book. I took him to a playgroup once and tried to sit down to read with him. He ran off as usual, but a little group of other kids had also sat down with me to listen to the whole story - I've never experienced that before and it makes me want to cry.

He adores pouring water and beads, and loves trains. We indulge him with a homemade pouring station and try to encourage him with trains, but it's a bit hit and miss.

We had his 2yo assessment already and were given some games and exercises to try with him to encourage his communication skills. But he has no interest, just wants to run and jump around.

It bothers me that he won't look at me much of the time and I can't get his attention, mainly because he's zeroed in on something else. That said he does look at me when he wants to and have cuddles.

I'm just frustrated that we can't do all the things your supposed to do to help them develop. We can't read with him and end up reading at him which can't be much good. So we're left with lots of physical activities which are exhausting.

Do we need to worry and look for more help? Or should just keep trying and see how it goes? His dad didn't talk until 3yo and his aunt (DH's sister) was also hyper at his age and they're obviously fine now. I thought there would be this massive leap in communication between 2-2.5 that I was really looking forward to, but he seems to be going backwards in some ways.

I'm sorry, Op. it's a very hard thing to come to terms with. It does change your whole life. I found the first few years quite tough. Try to find ways to be as kind to yourself as possible.

Thanks AgnusandMagnus. We're coping for now. I'm trying not to look too far at the future. I'm scared at how hard it might be.

I totally understand this feeling having been through it. He is still your beautiful boy and none of this will change that

I found it helps to focus on the little joyful moments where they are really happy, whenever that’s possible (at points I found this really hard but time to digest everything helped).

I also tried to focus on any tiny improvements in speech / acquisition of skills as they happen and not to look too far ahead. I spoke to an amazing lady at a small ASD charity who told me no one has a chrystal ball and that early intervention had really helped her child. That gave me courage to keep going with my efforts.

Sorry if this isn’t helpful - just wanted to reply with a message to say there is hope

I know a child who is almost 3 who does everything you describe with water and milk - pours it, spits it everywhere - and is who might be politely described as 'strong willed' and 'spirited' as far as general behaviour goes.

There's a big difference between a defiant child and child who doesn't notice you or even respond to his name. This doesn't sound remotely like defiance....

ah OP, I can relate to some of this, though it was many years ago I was in your situation.I arranged for a private speech therapist too. I think she agreed to meet us for a free before committing to an assessment, but she was a very nice lady, so I don't know if this is standard. My personal preferences for private care are 1)someone who also still works in the state system as well, so has a boss/professional supervision/colleagues to bounce ideas off in part of their professional life 2)someone who deals with kids with similar issues day in/day out.

With my DC, their understanding of language was very delayed (18-24 month level at 36 months), and getting that assessed was crucial to me helping my DC, as I could then adapt my communication to his level.

I have no idea whether your child has autism or not - whether he does or doesn't hopefully as his language/communication improves, his attention span will, and you will be able to enjoy books etc with him.

My DS was very similar to your DS at that age. He was diagnosed with autism just after his 3rd birthday. He is 6 tomorrow and has come so far since then. At one point I thought he would never be able to tell me how he feels, what he thinks, what goes on in his little head. Now he does, although he speech is still quite delayed (he sounds like a 3 year old), and he is such a funny little character. He is a lot more socially engaged now, but still never ever sits still and has the attention span of a gnat! The single thing that has helped DS the most has been the right nursery and school (we went speicalist).

Don't have any more advice than others and not sure if already mentioned but ASD and ADHD can run alongside each other (inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity are assessed for ADHD). And reading up on sensory processing/sensory diet might be helpful.

Thanks all.

I have some private speech therapists booked for visits this week before we commit to an assessment with one.

I'm going to start looking at occupational therapy too - I'm just starting to get my head around it.

ADHD has definitely occurred to me as a possibility. Does OT address it?

I shared my concerns with s couple of friends today. One was incredibly sympathetic and supportive. The other, who I really respect, gave me some recommendations, but also suggested that DS is too young for an ASD diagnosis, that a hearing test is probably enough and that we could support him ourselves at home without the need for therapists, that this was probably a phase, especially as DH was also a late talker.

I'm suddenly filled with doubt. I'm making lists of words DS is saying everyday along with instructions he is listening to, and it's not as bad as it has been, about 5 or so words everyday, very varied. We're making a conscious effort to be clearer in how we speak to him, repeating and giving him time to say it back, and I think it's helping a bit.

I'm just worrying now I'm making too much of it all. That I'm explaining to my employers (who are very understanding), taking leave, booking my week up with visits, upsetting DH because of my pessimism, preparing to spend hundreds of pounds on therapists, and I could be wrong and he could just grow out of it. I'd still prefer to push ahead and pay rather than miss the window when he could improve. But I just feel more conflicted now.

Look if you get extra input now and in 6 months he no longer needs it then fantastic no harm done.

If you wait and in 6 months he still delayed you would wish you hadn't waited . You may have increased frustration and created more problems...

Your friends are not qualified to assess. Let professionals do that

For every myChildTalkedLateAndnowhasaPhd
There are many who really really need the input. As soon as you can.

Talking to people always makes you doubt yourself, doesn’t it? I’ve been there, over and over and over. Of course you’d rather this was just you being paranoid.

I’ve been there. I delayed seeking help for my son because well-intentioned people kept reassuring me that one day he would wake up and his speech will have exploded. It didn’t. I feel guilty that I wasted time because I was scared to admit that he needed help. It’s all fine now, he’s fine (but autistic) but I do kick myself for ignoring my instincts and being too willing to listen to the opinions of others.

Your son isn’t too young for a diagnosis. But don’t even think about a diagnosis right now. Think about the immediate issue - his speech - because that is step one.

Thanks for your reassurance. I've spent the last few minutes rereading every response on this thread to remind myself why I sought help in the first place and and ask the fantastic advice I've had.

So many well intentioned people can derail you. People will tell you not to label him. You're not. He either has a medical diagnosis or not. And if he does then he needs help. Early intervention is key in shaping the outcomes of ASD children and it's not a DIY job by any means.

Op as others have said, believe in your instinct

I listened to false reassurance and wish I’d got help earlier. My younger dd who got help at an earlier Age is doing better now. So please keep doing what you are doing as you are right!

My nt younger child had some just in case early intervention and it has really helped them and actually helped them with lots of nt skills as well, so no early intervention is ever wasted!

So we've spoken to a few therapists today:

1. ST - telephone, home visit tmw
2. ST - office visit
3. OT - telephone, will try to visit on Friday
4. OT - telephone, visit on Friday
5. ST and OT from same centre

1), 2) and 3) were very generous with providing information and advice given that we have not yet had a formal assessment. They agreed there were things to be concerned about and early intervention was crucial. They suggested sensory issues ( 1) noticed DS tip toeing, sucking his hands, the way he was constantly looking for sensory input) were the more pressing matter and that it was worth prioritising this before beginning ST.

The OT from 5) I actually found a bit off putting. She didn't want to go into any specifics or offer advice because, as she kept saying, she couldn't without an assessment. I really just wanted a few examples of activities she did with kids to get an idea of what OTs do but she wouldn't "without an assessment". Disappointing as the centre is highly recommended (by parents and by 1) ) and it would have been nice to do both ST/OT on the same place, plus they offer a preschool setup. Am I being a bit harsh to rule 5) out?

It s great if you can see both at same site..and saying she needed to assess is good as a full sensory assessment is important. Youneed to sed child to know are they hypo or hyper sensitive etc Go meet them.

www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/sensory-world.aspx

...so for some it s getting them sensitized to use a swing..for others it s something different

Thanks so much for the link, I'll look it over.

I think I felt my questions were a bit brushed over a bit with 5). If we choose to go there I would want a different ST and OT. But then it would mean making another visit to meet different ones.

I started googling sensory issues. And somehow I landed on possible rish factors for autism which includes pre-term and post-term babies.

The thing is, I had a post-term baby. I delayed induction because I didn't want to have one, I wanted to have my baby naturally. And now I feel like I caused this. I know the evidence does not show cause and effect. But I feel like this is my fault anyway, that I talked my DH into a decision to wait, and because of a few extra days (I had an induction and emergency cesarean anyway) I may have damaged DS. I was thinking of myself and what I wanted. It wasn't until a doctor explained to me the morbidity risks that I changed my mind. But I had no idea of the possible increase risk of autism.

I wouldn't rule out 5. They sound like a comprehensive centre and that would make your life A LOT easier. They have a way of doing things and it doesn't sound bad. If anything I'd be more attracted to 5. Can they do the assessment?

You didn't cause this. Correlation is not causation. No one knows what causes it and it's likely to be multifactorial. If there's a genetic mutation in the baby that might be why those mother's don't naturally go into labour rather than the delayed labour being the cause. It very well could be a symptom. Don't torture yourself.

There is nothing you did or didn't do.
Most likely it s in his genetic make up since sperm and egg collided.
Move on and get the therapists involved...find one you like. See a few. Can take time to get a good fit