Toddler behind on verbal skills but he won't sit or focus enough for us to try to develop them

[mamma536]

DS is 2.5. His gross motor skills are brilliant fine motor skills are ok. Communication wise I think he has actually regressed. He used to try to repeat words when we asked, but doesn't anymore. He's stopped using words he used to know. His spoken vocab is probably down to milk, please, no and asking for screens (we are limiting).

We know he understands more (he'll carry out a few instructions and will occasionally fetch something for us) but he won't focus on us to even listen much less carry out any instruction. We try to praise as much as possible, but he doesn't seem to have any interest in pleasing us, which I thought most kids would have, just himself.

We try endlessly with animals, colours, instructions, books, but he has no interest. He almost never sits down for a book. I took him to a playgroup once and tried to sit down to read with him. He ran off as usual, but a little group of other kids had also sat down with me to listen to the whole story - I've never experienced that before and it makes me want to cry.

He adores pouring water and beads, and loves trains. We indulge him with a homemade pouring station and try to encourage him with trains, but it's a bit hit and miss.

We had his 2yo assessment already and were given some games and exercises to try with him to encourage his communication skills. But he has no interest, just wants to run and jump around.

It bothers me that he won't look at me much of the time and I can't get his attention, mainly because he's zeroed in on something else. That said he does look at me when he wants to and have cuddles.

I'm just frustrated that we can't do all the things your supposed to do to help them develop. We can't read with him and end up reading at him which can't be much good. So we're left with lots of physical activities which are exhausting.

Do we need to worry and look for more help? Or should just keep trying and see how it goes? His dad didn't talk until 3yo and his aunt (DH's sister) was also hyper at his age and they're obviously fine now. I thought there would be this massive leap in communication between 2-2.5 that I was really looking forward to, but he seems to be going backwards in some ways.

Then you for the resources, I am going to check them out.

The concept of starting where he is is a good one.
So he likes milk. He pulls you to it. Give him a mouthful in his cup, and wait poised with the bottle. As he passes the cup back, say “more” or “milk” (I’d skip ‘please’ at the moment- it isn’t functional, focus on the important words). Give him another mouthful in his cup, as soon as he passes it back for more, model again. The next occasion, leave a little gap before modelling. Leave a bigger pause. By just giving him a little bit, and leaving him wanting more, you can increase the opportunities to practice. Ditto a packet crisps/ sweets/ cereal- whatever motivates him. Give him one, model when he indicates for more, then introduce a pause.

This can work for the things he likes to play with. Perhaps put the things he wants in a see through box, just out of reach. So the materials for his pouring station are visible but inaccessible- he needs you to get it.

PECS is such a good tool for developing language, investing in attending a day course can pay dividends as you can implement the strategies everywhere, rather than just as speech therapist suggests.

My DS was under a speech therapist at age 2 as he has very limited words and had regressed. We had to film ourselves playing with him; it was enlightening...i never stopped talking at DS in an effort to give him words so he never had a chance to speak! We used the VERVE techniques with him and the changes were amazing...eighteen months on and lots of people comment on how great his speech is. The techniques were really easy to follow and it was DH and I that had to make the changes. May be worth a try

Don’t stop the signing - it supports their understanding of language as a concept. Just be sure to always use the word with the sign.

Does he do any signs himself? We focussed on just one for DT1 since he doesn’t mimic at all so signing is not for him. But every time he wanted more of something we would hold his hands and make the sign for more, say the word and then give him more. Now he does it whenever he wants anything so it’s not perfect, but it’s completely eradicated the frustrated crying. He now understands that the sign gets him what he wants, which means he understands that his actions cause an effect, which is the basis of language in the first place so it’s all valuable.

He sounds very similar to DT1 - we had his hearing checked too as he didn’t respond to anything, and only makes a gaga sound. His hearing is fine.

Objects of reference are also really useful - so holding up a nappy while saying “nappy change”, car keys for a trip in the car etc. Hold them by your face while you speak to encourage them to look.

Choosing cards have also been useful - laminated photos of their favourite snacks for example with the word underneath. So we’d hold them up and say “breadsticks or rice cakes? Choose” to get them to indicate (they either tap the card or push one away usually).

At this point try not to focus on speech - keep your language simple and clear, a couple of words rather than a sentence. Use what he likes to engage him - with mine it’s food so giving them a little bit and then either gesture, signing or PECS to get them to ask for more.

I read recently that 90% of toddlers with autism will learn to talk and it’s made me feel much more hopeful but in the meantime we are focusing on what they can do and ways they can communicate. All communication is a step forwards even if it seems small.

But definitely get More Than Words - it guides you to assess the stage they’re at and then gives exercises to progress to the next stage. It’s so useful.

If you do want to make choosing or PECS cards the app visuals 2 go has made it super easy to make the cards, I use it all the time

Is it unusual that a toddler won't look at strangers in the eye? It's something my parents noticed, that he was avoiding their gaze (he doesn't know them). Whereas in my very biased and personal experience I'm sure I'm catching the gaze and attention of other people's kids.

It is unusual. I really noticed when the twins started going to nursery. Every time a new adult came in the kids were all fascinated by them - coming over, watching them, eye contact and trying to get their attention and interact. Our two never pay that much attention to us, let alone anyone else.

Thank you for the tips, I'll make the most of them. Yes DS did used to sign please, milk and more.

I find with DT2 since his regression that he will learn to do something, do it for a while and then stop completely and do something else. But then a year later it crops up again so I don’t think he’s losing the skills completely. With all these strategies you just need to be consistent I find.

We find hand over hand helps massively. They lack the confidence to try things so if we are even just supporting their elbows lightly with our hands they can do so much more than they’d do independently (like they’d never do the actions to songs by themselves but if you gently support their elbows they’ll do loads of them, they know what they all are!). And when they want to do something but can’t, they’ll often reach for our hands to help them do it.

I made up a songs bag for DT1 recently - so when he wants a song he goes and gets the bag and brings it to me. Then I open it and he digs around for the object that represents the song he wants and he knows if he hands it to me he gets that song. They love songs so this has really helped ease frustration and let him communicate what he wants. You’ll find your own ways of motivating him to communicate, it’s so individual.

I would also say that mothers have a very good instinct about their child and if you have thought about ASD then you have reasons for that and should follow your instinct to at least explore that

OMG, this resonates with me so much.

I was concerned about my son before the age of two. And if I had a pound for every person who said I was paranoid, I worried too much, that one day he’d wake up and suddenly his speech would be in line with his peers... I’d have a lot of money.

I didn’t know for sure he was autistic until he was four. But he definitely is (still awaiting assessment).

Now I’m thinking that my DD(8) might be autistic too, and I’m ignoring everyone who tells me it’s all in my head this time.

I would definitely get a referral to see a paediatrician OP.

Sounds exactly like my DS at that age. He has a diagnosis of Autism.

With the speech/ asking for milk etc I wouldn't make him say them. I would just model the word you want and not put any pressure on him. It will come eventually.

Yes, definitely pursue an evaluation.

We had concerns at a similar age and did get one. Dd “passed” because her receptive language skills were so high. Then one day soon after she just started talking in full paragraphs and never stopped. At 10yo she was diagnosed as ASD (though at the far end of the spectrum)

I don’t recommend making using words a battle. If he can indicate to you what he need, he is communicating. You are his safe place. By making sure his needs are met with you, he can grow.

If they gave you games and exercises, adjust them a bit. Instead of looking at a book and pointing at colors or even playing a game with colors, shout out a color and have him run to find something in the house that is that color. For letters and word recognition, I put index cards on the floor around the room and dd would have to jump to the card. Basically, take those exercises they gave you and turn them into physical challenges.

Oh and never stop talking. Narrate everything. “You want juice?” “Yes mommy will get the juice out of the refrigerator”. Now I have to twist open the bottle. You want your blue cup. I’ll pour the juice in your blue cup. Now I twist back on the lid.

It sounds ridiculous, but it helps.

Echoing others to say the regression is what would concern me. DS sounds very similar at that age with his lack of focus and being far more interested in doing and exploring than sitting and reading, and he’s fine now (if still very much more interested in doing and investigating than in sitting and reading or writing!), so I don’t find any of that especially concerning, though I did at the time - but crucially his language development never went backwards. I’d definitely ask for a SALT referral at the very least, and if you can afford it I’d consider doing that privately if your area has long waiting lists.

Actually @Purpleartichoke that’s the opposite of how I was told to interact with my son as a toddler. Sometimes it’s better to resist the temptation to blabber on at them, especially if you’re unsure of how good their understanding is

I had to make a real effort to simplify my language and shorten my sentences.

DS was referred to SALT at my insistence - he was right on the borderline at his 2 year assessment (which did take place at 24 months exactly in our area) for speech and language but that was because his receptive language was so much better than his speech that it pulled his average up, so to speak. The HV Adair they don’t refer for borderline cases but I pushed very hard (nicely but insistently)until she agreed to do it. By the time we had our assessment, his speech had improved a bit and the SALT person said it was just within normal boundaries for his age. We saw her again just before her turned 3 and he’d come on in leaps and bounds and was right where he should have been for his age by then. So they didn’t DO anything but just being in the system was reassuring and helpful. Good luck, OP - if there is something wrong, early intervention can make a lot of difference so well done for being observant and make sure you continue to push.

Haworthia

I can only speak to my own experience. Dd is 10 years old and during the ASD diagnostic process was determined to have verbal, reading, spelling, and writing skills at the university level.

Perhaps it would be better to say, do what works for your child, despite what people say is the correct way to parent. We did what seemed to work for ours and she is thriving, but you are correct, that approach might not work for everyone.

Definitely get his hearing tested, just because he can recognise familiar music and a few words doesn't mean his hearing's ok. Hearing loss is a very complex thing - a deaf person can often still hear certain sounds, pitches and read lips and gestures so it can be difficult to spot and can happen at any age for various reasons.

I highly recommend checking out Laura Mize My toddler can talk videos on YouTube. This is what I used, she's great at explaining the different types of speech issues, and gives you lots of playful interactive methods.

• teach me to talk not my toddler can talk.

Definitely get his hearing tested, just because he can recognise familiar music and a few words doesn't mean his hearing's ok. Hearing loss is a very complex thing - a deaf person can often still hear certain sounds, pitches and read lips and gestures so it can be difficult to spot and can happen at any age for various reasons.

This was exactly what I thought about DT1 - I was convinced it was a hearing issue and he couldn’t differentiate sounds, speech etc. He just didn’t seem to hear things. I was absolutely gobsmacked when we went for the hearing test and he turned to look for every single pitch, I was so confused.

It was only when they started nursery and I saw lots of other kids in that setting and how they acted that I realised just how different he was socially to other kids. It wasn’t so obvious as toddler groups etc where they were all with their parents. The social differences OP mentions are what makes me think her DS is probably similar to mine rather than having a hearing issue but of course it should absolutely be checked.

DT2 also has a visual impairment as well as the ASD and without the communication skills it’s very difficult to establish what’s down to the ASD, what’s down to the vision or even how much / what he can see. So if course there can be multiple issues which makes things more complicated. For DT1, the apparent hearing issue was both due to his lack of understanding and his difficulty transitioning focus from one thing to another, plus people are apparently just not very interesting to him!

Thank you, it's hugely reassuring to hear everyone's accounts and similar experiences.

We are currently living abroad with plans to return to the UK in the next two years. The health care system where we live is really good but expensive for expats, no subsidies. A lot of locals still go private and even then there waiting lists. I just joined a local support group and initial quotes for speech therapists are something like £100 an hour. There are some support centres that offer 3-5 mornings a week.

Is that what I would expect in the UK? Do you send your toddlers to nursery/preschool as well (these are also very expensive here)? How long do you work with a speech therapist for?

We are a single income household (I wish, DH is a SAHD) so financially this will have a big impact on us here - not unaffordable think, just difficult and we wouldn't be able to enjoy the temporary experience of living abroad as much.

I am wondering whether it would be better to come back to the UK, and either stay public or go private. I'm going to find out what provision is like in the area we used to live in. Because of work I might have to wait 6 months to come back, though I think they would be sympathetic if we needed to come back sooner.

Would it be better to stick with a provider long-term? Or is it likely after a few months of speech therapy that we can handle his exercises on our own? I guess there's no good answer to this, it depends on the severity and how he responds...

What’s available here really varies by area.

My twins started a mainstream nursery the term after they turned 2. I applied for and got DLA for them which meant they were entitled to 15 hours a week nursery funding. We already had diagnosis for one when they started, and the other was diagnosed a month later.

After about six months of nursery I applied for EHCPs for them - we are just coming to the end of that process (it takes 20 weeks best case scenario, more if you have to appeal) and they’ve agreed the twins need specialist school places so we are waiting for the panel which will decide where and when (may not be any spaces until September).

SALT waiting lists are very long - we self referred in September 2018 when they turned 2, and since then they’ve each had one assesment and six sessions of therapy, so not much at all. Private SALT sessions are generally £75-£100 an hour so I’m doing as much as I can myself.

We’ve also had a year of portage visits for each twin, but those have now finished.

Sorry not fully read the thread so apologies if I’m suggesting something that’s already been mentioned! Has his hearing been checked?
My toddler has SEN and hearing loss, he isn’t talking yet so we use a lot of makaton signing with him and also objects of reference as recommended by SALT. He also loves the “tap tap box” and singing songs along with actions