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Original poster

Leaving my baby for the first time

71 replies

Heartburn888 · 01/01/2020 06:23

Me and dp are planning a much needed date night and his mum is going to have our son who will be 6/7 weeks old when we go out.

I currently co sleep with my baby and he is combination fed, my question is should I build up to this sleep over with grandma by leaving him with her for an hour or so every couple of days as he is quite attached to me or I fee like he is. My thought process is I don’t want to leave him alone with her overnight so suddenly as he might wonder where I’ve gone and scream the house down all night as he misses me. He does cry to be held sometimes and will cry for me even when he’s with his dad.

Also should I send him with breast milk instead of formula so it’s like my scent kind of thing just incase he does miss me and so he will feel safe and secure?

Might be over thinking this like but I don’t want my baby to be unnecessarily unsettled and if there is anything I can do to make the sleep over easier for both my son and grandma then I’m happy to do it

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GiveHerHellFromUs · 01/01/2020 06:27

Send a blanket with your smell and some expressed breast milk.

We left our LO when she was about 10 weeks and she was fine. It's easier when they're young because they're still in the eat, shit, sleep phase.

Selfsettling3 · 01/01/2020 08:14

Hmm I’m not sure. While is is safe for a breast feeding Mum to safely cosleep with baby it’s not safe for anyone else to so you need to think about how she is going to manage.

It’s also a good idea to get up over night and pump.

It all sounds very difficult, does the baby have to stay over at your Mums?

Namechanger23455 · 01/01/2020 08:17

Have you ever left him alone for any period of time? A few hours with anyone? That’s your starting point really. I’d go out for the afternoon with DH and see how he gets on. Your mum needs to be able to settle him etc.

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MeanMrMustardSeed · 01/01/2020 08:18

Do you really need a date night out at 6/7 weeks? Plan a nice evening in (takeaway / M&S food and film) and look after your very young baby. You can go out in a few months time when it’ll be logistically easier and far less stressful for your baby.

WatchingTheMoon · 01/01/2020 08:28

"While is is safe for a breast feeding Mum to safely cosleep with baby"

It is not safe. Co sleeping babies have a 400% increased chance of SIDS even if the so-called safety guidelines (which were written by an anthropologist, not a doctor) are followed.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 01/01/2020 08:29

Oh I missed the bit about cosleeping.
Don't let anyone else cosleep with your baby Confused how do they nap in the day?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/01/2020 08:33

I'd just have her mind him at your home for the evening and then do your usual overnight routine.

Never left yet to an overnight is quite a big jump so I'd build up to it.

Ullupullu · 01/01/2020 08:36

Far too young! Why not just have an evening out at most? 6-7 weeks is tiny.

jeremypaxo · 01/01/2020 08:42

Honestly, I don't think it's fair to your baby or your mum to leave them alone overnight at just a few weeks old. You can have a date night without needing a sleepover.

goingtoneedabiggercar · 01/01/2020 09:15

I'd want to build up to it so you're all confident that it'll go well. Have an afternoon away from her and see how it goes. DS is 6 weeks just now and I'm pretty sure he'd be fine with my mum if I could prise myself away from him.

turnthebiglightoff · 01/01/2020 09:19

Date night is fine but I think you'll find when you come to it that you do t want to leave him overnight. It's a huge tug leaving them for an hour at that age. Definitely no co sleeping with anyone else but that's very young for an overnight.

MrsIH · 01/01/2020 09:22

If you want to be 100% certain that your baby feels safe and secure and would not be unsettled that don’t leave him overnight at 6 weeks old.

Original poster
Heartburn888 · 01/01/2020 09:22

No I don’t mean she would be co sleeping with him I’d be sending the Moses basket for him to sleep.

Watching the moon I have spoken with my health visitor about safe co sleeping and she referred me to the lullaby trust for guidance and has assured me it is safe to cosleep as long as he isn’t in the middle of the bed between me and his dad and other obvious risks such as going to bed intoxicated and having him in bed with me. She said once upon a time it was advised that mothers do not co sleep but guidance has changed and she said about babies were once placed on their front to sleep but again the guidance has changed and should always be placed on their back

OP posts:
Bipbipbipbip · 01/01/2020 09:30

Does baby bf in the night? I think it's an awful lot to expect of a tiny baby to be ok without you if you've coslept from the earliest stage. I wouldn't trust anyone else to sleep in my with baby though. My DS was a little horror in the evenings so no way I would have left him at that stage.

giggleshizz · 01/01/2020 09:38

Firstly congratulations on your baby.

Secondly, and this is only my opinion, once you have a new life to take care of you need to put them first, they are only this little for such a short time. They need you, your smell, your warmth. Read up on the fourth trimester. I think date night may need to wait a couple of months.

Sounds like you've been given good advice on cosleeping. I xo slept from day 1, EBF and come from a culture where co sleeping is the norm so never questioned it

MiniGuinness · 01/01/2020 09:45

Co sleeping babies have a 400% increased chance of SIDS Can you explain and reference this please WatchingTheMoon

GiveHerHellFromUs · 01/01/2020 09:47

OP my advice would be to do what you need to do for you as a couple. The advice on this differs day to day on MN.

Some people will tell you the baby needs you and only you. Some people will say you need to make time for your relationship too.
Some people will say you're too controlling by not letting baby stay with anyone else.

If you want a date night, have a date night. Don't let other people's ideas on how you should parent your baby affect that.

Ullupullu · 01/01/2020 09:57

But since when is a "date night" a full overnight stay away from a newborn that is feeding on demand? A date night for us a few years back was literally two hours away at the local pizza cafe (between feeds!). It might feel like ages OP but 7 weeks is tiny, leave it until a few months at least not days!

converseandjeans · 01/01/2020 10:00

I think that if you want more freedom to go out & have time away from the baby then try to get them sleeping independently & get them used to a bottle. I agree also with the idea of building up to the overnight.

I think co sleeping & exclusively BF do not give you that freedom.

I put mine to sleep in own cot from day 1 & BF for short time. I knew I was back at work at 4 months & also didn't want to be completely tied down. Some people would say that is selfish.

Mine were always great with DH & would happily go to grandparents but don't recall anyone else having them overnight until maybe 1yo? However it wasn't offered. I think if you know you will want to go out and leave them overnight then it's easy enough to prepare them/train them up. So you may need to change the co sleeping arrangement. Pretty sure a co sleeping fan will disagree with me!

I personally don't think co sleeping is safe - but realise that's not what you're asking.

coragreta · 01/01/2020 10:07

I sort of agree with what PP have said. I had first date night when my daughter was 4weeks (it was my birthday) but I went out and then picked up later. Is that not an option? Even if you pick up at 12/1am?

LuckyKitty13 · 01/01/2020 10:11

Too young, you will need to be pumping milk to keep your supply up. Maybe do a couple of hours if you have to. I would never have left my baby at that age whilst being fed on demand and establishing milk supply. We also co sleep and have from birth. If you follow safety guidance and breastfed it actually reduces the risk of SIDS, it is the natural state for a breastfeeding infant and mother, makes night feeds so much easier (feeding laying down), reduces risk of PND, regulates babys temperature and reduces stress for baby, among lots of other benefits! SIDS is much lower in Japan where it is the societal normal to co sleep.

lljkk · 01/01/2020 10:13

I don't think you'll enjoy a whole night out without your baby, OP. Plan it for a shorter period, just 3-4 hours.

CFlemingSmith · 01/01/2020 10:14

@WatchingTheMoon
Don’t spout crap. Please.
Facts like that scare new mums when actually co sleeping is safe. The countries with the lowest rate of SIDS co sleep. It is safe when done properly.

Original poster
Heartburn888 · 01/01/2020 10:14

Yeah I have read the fourth trimester and I love for sleeping with him.

Someone said that I might not want to leave him for overnight and I do kind of feel like that already but in the same breath I do want some me time where if I have a few drinks I don’t have to worry about getting up with him in the night

OP posts:
Figgygal · 01/01/2020 10:17

Does it have to be overnight straight away?

You have the rest of your life for date nights if you are bf and co-sleeping That’s a big jump for first time away from you without any “practice”