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Original poster

Leaving my baby for the first time

71 replies

Heartburn888 · 01/01/2020 06:23

Me and dp are planning a much needed date night and his mum is going to have our son who will be 6/7 weeks old when we go out.

I currently co sleep with my baby and he is combination fed, my question is should I build up to this sleep over with grandma by leaving him with her for an hour or so every couple of days as he is quite attached to me or I fee like he is. My thought process is I don’t want to leave him alone with her overnight so suddenly as he might wonder where I’ve gone and scream the house down all night as he misses me. He does cry to be held sometimes and will cry for me even when he’s with his dad.

Also should I send him with breast milk instead of formula so it’s like my scent kind of thing just incase he does miss me and so he will feel safe and secure?

Might be over thinking this like but I don’t want my baby to be unnecessarily unsettled and if there is anything I can do to make the sleep over easier for both my son and grandma then I’m happy to do it

OP posts:

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doadeer · 01/01/2020 18:07

Those who left BF babies weren't your boobs exploding?! I would have been in pain at this stage after a couple of hours. Did you express in the toilet? When I went into the office for a morning when DS was 8 months I still had to express then

Lazypuppy · 01/01/2020 18:17

@07doadeer

Those who left BF babies weren't your boobs exploding?!

Yep just pump, i found i only had to pump for a few mins instead of the normal 10 to release the pressure.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 01/01/2020 18:18

Those who left BF babies weren't your boobs exploding?!

Yeah you just pump if possible or hand express if not.

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doadeer · 01/01/2020 18:30

But would you pump in a bar or restaurant toilet?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 01/01/2020 18:41

@doadeer I hand expressed into the toilet at the wedding I was at. Not ideal but 🤷‍♀️

Lazypuppy · 01/01/2020 18:41

@doadeer

But would you pump in a bar or restaurant toilet?

Yes why not? I've done both in fact. I've also pumped in the car in a multi story car park before going to watch a comedian when my dd was 3months old.

firstimemamma · 01/01/2020 18:46

I'd just leave baby for a couple of hours and pop out for the evening as opposed to leaving baby overnight at that age but each to their own.

Original poster

Heartburn888 · 01/01/2020 18:49

I’m trying to change from breast to bottle, my boobs just can’t take it and I feel I have tried my best with it so that’s why he is combi fed at the minute but I am wanting to get to the next baby cafe in my area for advice on this.

I have arranged with grandma for her to have him for a couple of hours a couple of times a week and this will also enable me to get some house work done and attend some appointments. I am also going to be starting a college course from 9-3 so she will be having him then for me too

OP posts:

RubyG3112 · 01/01/2020 19:02

Sorry, no practical advice but there's seems to be a lot of comments suggesting you're doing the wrong thing by leaving the baby or should feel guilty about spending time with your partner.

I have a nine week old baby and I've left him overnight with my parents twice, I did this in the knowledge he was completely safe, comfortable and happy - my parents absolutely adore him so they were delighted to coo over him all night!

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty 'wait another few months' is an awful long time when you've spent the best part of year sacrificing your body, career, hormones, social life etc for this amazing baby, who I'm sure you adore and likely devote every moment - day and night - to. If you need a night away, go for it and enjoy it, and you'll get back to your baby and carry on being a great mum.

ginyogarepeat · 01/01/2020 19:06

I agree that a night out is good for you, but I really can't get on board with how the norm now seems to be nights out=baby stays with someone else. They're this small and needy for such a short period, can't parents really just have a few hours out without it being the whole night away? Really don't get it.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 01/01/2020 19:11

@ginyogarepeat OP said she wants a couple of alcoholic drinks.

I think it's quite sensible not to look after a baby when you've been drinking, after not drinking for 10/11 months and having probably not had a decent nights sleep in 3 months.

ginyogarepeat · 01/01/2020 19:14

But why can't people have one or two and stay sensible enough to look after their EBF tiny baby? A few months out of a lifetime is truly nothing.

Each to their own, it's just a very alien concept to me, but one that seems increasingly common so I get that I'm probably in the minority!

CFlemingSmith · 01/01/2020 19:16

@doadeer

I've struggled to leave my baby at 11m I think you're underestimating that you'll be able to just switch off and not worry

I’ve left my baby for a weeks holiday at 11 months. They cope perfectly fine. Don’t be so judgemental

GiveHerHellFromUs · 01/01/2020 19:21

@ginyogarepeat oh I just meant after a couple of drinks she's likely to have a deep sleep if she hasn't been sleeping well for a while

Fivetillmidnight · 01/01/2020 21:08

Completely disagree with most advice on here not to leave baby.

Most relationships start to break apart when the focus as you two as a couple becomes overly concentrated on you and baby (due to bf) and will inevitably exclude partner.

Date night . AS SOON as you can manage it is a great plan.
We did it when DDI was 6 weeks, DS 1 7 weeks and DD2 8 weeks. Thanks to amazing GPs.
Got them used to GPS by leaving for a few hours every week .. and expressing .

Everyone of them was safe and happy. My mum, of course was an expert having already raised 4.

Go for it. The worst that will happen is that your mum will have a broken nights sleep.

Your baby however will be nine the wiser and you and your partner can have some much needed alone time. .. and yes, definitely overnight . You don't want a 'date night' with the prospect of getting up three times in the night. You won't be able to unwind and truly relax .

ginyogarepeat · 01/01/2020 21:50

If relationships fall apart because couples have to stay with their babies for a few months then I'd say there are wider issues there.

Original poster

Heartburn888 · 02/01/2020 01:06

My baby is not ebf he is combination fed. I’m not too keen on the idea of feeding him after drinking alcohol although I have been advised previously that it is safe to feed him milk ( expressed) after a night out.

I’m so glad other people have left their over night and as pp have said they are leaving their child with someone they trust and are happy that their baby will be looked after and COo’d over, I feel exactly the same about my partners mum and she’s got 6 grandchildren included my son so I know she’s got plenty of experience, relevant experience at that as my partners sister has a daughter who is about 4/5 months older than my boy.

OP posts:

Mixitupmonday · 02/01/2020 09:03

Ginyogarepeat No one is saying the relationship will fall apart . What I am saying from a point of the experience of children and a long marriage - is that it undoubtedly helps both parties for the primary career to take the focus off baby/mother role (if mother is the pc) and enjoy some adult /partner time with out the looming 'night shift' to spoil it.

It is a fact that the hardest part for a relationship is the early years child rearing.. and no matter how hands on and supportive a male partner can be, they cannot ebf.. and they will often not spend the exclusive 121 time with a young infant, creating a very strong bond between mother and baby . Which is of course as it should be.

The down side of this can be partner feeling excluded by the intensity of this relationship and /or the mother feeling guilty to take any adult time away from the infant.
The best upbringing for a child is to have a happy home with strong foundations where all partners feel loved and supported . Focus on this part of family life has as much benefit as any child focussed aspect of parenting.
Everyone of the handful of parents I know - who are still married now kids are into teenage years - are from families where the parents have always spent regular time away from the children especially when small.

Be that the luxury of adults only holidays for those with the means, to monthly date nights from money prioritised for a babysitter .. even if the 'date' was simply going for a walk together.

It's too easy to become consumed with new role of mother - and forget/feel guilt tripped into ignoring you are are also a partner.

Have a great 'date' OP.

Purplequalitystreet · 02/01/2020 18:36

Don't let anyone make you feel like a bad mum! You're absolutely not.

DS was about 7 weeks when we had our first date night. My mum came and stayed at ours so we could go out and have a couple of drinks knowing that there would still be a sober adult around. Would that be an option if you don't want to leave him overnight?

Will he not settle in his moses basket? Maybe try putting him down in that rather than co-sleeping for a few nights, so he gets used to it?

TeenyQueen · 03/01/2020 18:22

I have a 9 week old little girl, no way would I leave her overnight with anyone at this stage. I believe you can look after your relationship without being away from your baby overnight. DH and I have lots of cuddles on the sofa whilst watching films etc. We talk about adult stuff whilst going out for pram walks with the baby and our dog. We've also been out for lunch with the baby whilst she was sleeping in the pram. So to say that not wanting to be away from your young baby is bad for your relationship, absolute rubbish! If I need me time I take the dog out or pop to the shops whilst DH is at home. In terms of alcohol, yes it would be nice to have a drink, OP could easily have a drink and still be able to feed her baby later in the evening. Just my opinion.

Dandelion1993 · 03/01/2020 18:24

You'll be fine op.

I left dd1 in a similar situation when she was 4 weeks old. We'd already booked a night away for my birthday before discovering I was pregnant.

My mum was more the capable and we got some much needed rest.

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