Leaving my baby for the first time

[Heartburn888]

Me and dp are planning a much needed date night and his mum is going to have our son who will be 6/7 weeks old when we go out.

I currently co sleep with my baby and he is combination fed, my question is should I build up to this sleep over with grandma by leaving him with her for an hour or so every couple of days as he is quite attached to me or I fee like he is. My thought process is I don’t want to leave him alone with her overnight so suddenly as he might wonder where I’ve gone and scream the house down all night as he misses me. He does cry to be held sometimes and will cry for me even when he’s with his dad.

Also should I send him with breast milk instead of formula so it’s like my scent kind of thing just incase he does miss me and so he will feel safe and secure?

Might be over thinking this like but I don’t want my baby to be unnecessarily unsettled and if there is anything I can do to make the sleep over easier for both my son and grandma then I’m happy to do it

I just wanted to post this OP so shut down any stupid and uneducated responses stating that co sleeping is not safe when guidelines are followed. Really angers me when people don’t look at advice and facts properly.

It is not safe. Co sleeping babies have a 400% increased chance of SIDS even if the so-called safety guidelines (which were written by an anthropologist, not a doctor) are followed.

Cite your evidence for this, please. I’ll be waiting.

Sorry to be harsh, but you don’t need “me time” or drinking when your baby is so tiny still. To me that’s just downright bloody selfish!
I fail to see/ understand why you wouldn’t just have granny babysit at your home for a few hours or so and have a lovely meal out together?
But, hey ho, it’s your choice.

Your baby is 6 weeks old. You say you feel like he is quite attached to you. Well yes, that’s because he is 6 weeks old. He’s meant to be attached to you.

Don’t leave him overnight. Go out for an hour for a pizza if you must but don’t leave your 6 week old BF baby with someone else all night.

I don’t think it is selfish to be honest but your entitled to your opinion as am I.

No, it is not selfish at all Heartburn888, I think a lot of people either have very high needs babies, or are a bit martyrish, so they don’t realise it is both feasible and healthy to have a life beyond children.

Of course it’s feasible and healthy to have a life outside your children! But it’s possible to do that without leaving your 6 week old BF baby with someone else overnight...

@AppropriateAdult

I doubt you’ll get any evidence on the basis there isn’t any

It's about priorities.

If you need a night away from your baby that desperately, you need to just accept that he will be unnecessarily unsettled.

I would send BM if that's what he's used to. If you commonly mixed feed, it doesn't matter which you send.

Is your DM happy to manage a distressed baby overnight? I'm sure she's well aware that it's likely to happen.

I hoe he's fine and settled and you can make this a regular thing as it sounds like it's important to you.

But if that is what the OP wants to do, why are even weighing in PotteringAlong. She did not ask that in her OP, so maybe keep your unwanted opinion to yourself.

Oh Poppinjay, what unnecessary snidey digs. Just because your kids were difficult doesn’t mean the OPs will be.

I'm watching with interest to see what the consensus is here.

For what it's worth op, I don't think you're being selfish to want time out, but I do think building it up gradually might be better, for you as well as baby. Hopefully then when you do go overnight you can enjoy it a bit more, knowing baby will be more settled. Also can't work out why people are going on about not letting other people co sleep with your baby when you've clearly stated he'll be in his moses basket when being looked after!

My ds is only 3 weeks, but I'm starting to plan for our first night away when he'll be 12 weeks old, for dh's birthday. We combi feed now, started in hospital out of necessity so he does take both. He's slept in his moses from day 1 (usually falls asleep on us then we put him down) so it's just a matter of getting him used to being left for small periods of time and going from there... Not sure when I'll start though, maybe about 4 to 6 weeks??

Me and my partner started our date nights around 4 weeks, but my mum babysat at ours as easier (but i wasn't co-sleeping.)

I don't think you're selfish, its so important to look after your relationship when you have a baby. And better to do the first night away early, some of my friends still haven't left their child over night at 2 or 3 yo which i find odd,and now its much harder.

Mu dd has been having sleepovers with my mum since about 3 months old and she is so happy to be there for days/nights whatever.

Thank you to the people who have commented saying I’m not selfish and made me feel like I’m a bad mum for wanting some time out! Hate it when I ask for advice and the pitch folks come out - yes I post here for people’s opinions but to make someone feel like crap about wanting to have a night off from being a mum after being pregnant for 9 months is just cruel.

I think I’ll send him with both types of feed so he can have a bit of both but will defo build up to it so it’s not a shock for him.

It's not selfish OP. It's actually better to start now & get him used to the set up. I think you're lucky! You get lots on MN who complain their 3yo doesn't sleep through & that they haven't been out in years.

My LO is 7 weeks old and although I think it would be amazing to get that adult time, I couldn't possibly imagine leaving her especially overnight. Although I know she would be well looked after by people she knows I would constantly be worrying and checking in on her that it would drive everyone insane.

Just before Xmas I was invited to DPs works meal and although it was only for a couple of hours I just couldn't bring myself to go and to be honest I'm not sure when I will feel ready to leave her with other people. So far I have managed 2 hours with her dad.

So if you do feel ready for the sleep over then go ahead and do whatever preparations you feel would be best and if you don't think you are ready, then make date night shorter have a lovely meal, glass of wine and good adult conversation.

This is your parenting journey so enjoy it and do it the way that you want to. Do not let people make you feel bad for the decisions you are making. Yes by all means take on board the advice you are being offered but do not let people's opinion get in the way as you know your baby best.

Completely ok to want a break but to take time out to the extent of a full evening out plus overnight stay from a 6 week old EBF baby - wow.

@AcrobaticCardigan baby is combination fed and it's absolutely none of your business.

Everyone saying baby won't settle - my little girl stayed with her grandparents at 10 weeks old because we went to an adults-only wedding and stayed overnight. LO slept like a dream. Like OP, she had a combination of formula and expressed breast milk. She wasn't unsettled. I wasn't selfish. Everyone was fine.

@GiveHerHellFromUs
Spot on. Everyone, every child and every family is different.
God help us if we all start parenting the exact same way.

It’s actually easier to leave a younger baby before they get separation anxiety. It’s good for babies to bond with other adults. I don’t see any reason why OP shouldn’t leave her baby for one night?
People act like a baby will be traumatised or have problems bonding, if they aren’t permanently attached to the mother 24/7, which is so crazy and untrue.

It takes a village to raise a child so don’t feel guilty OP and don’t listen to the martyrs on here who will shame you for being ‘desperate’ to leave your baby.

I can’t offer advice on sending breast milk as my son is on formula but just wanted to say please ignore people who make you feel like a bad mum for needing time to yourself ! Leaving baby with a loving grandparent overnight is not a huge problem. As for the comment about putting baby first - it’s comments like these they make women feel like a failure when they do need a break.

I left my son for a few hours on a few evenings from 6 weeks. I haven’t left him overnight yet as I’m personally not ready (he is 5.5 months). But that’s because my baby had horrendous silent reflux and I felt I knew how to help him (I didn’t anymore than anyone else!). I did need those short breaks though because I was exhausted and very down.

I would say start off with an evening out with your other half and if that goes well build up to an overnight just to make it easier on you, gran and baby. But with that said if you desperately need that overnight break then arrange it, plan it out with gran and go for it.

One thing I’ve learnt in the last 6 months is to do what’s best for you and baby and not what other people think is best.

I wouldn't go out all night when your baby is this young.. Can you not have a couple drinks and dinner and be home like 10pm? I've struggled to leave my baby at 11m I think you're underestimating that you'll be able to just switch off and not worry.

I would build up more slowly by leaving for an hour or two gradually

Go out relax and enjoy. Your baby will be fine ...have yet to come across a human being mentally effected by Mum going out at 6 weeks old!!

Agree with bellanutell!

Fucking he’ll OP, I can’t believe the pellets you’ve got on here from all the perfect mums

At that age I would have found it quite distressing - a lot more so than my baby, who would have been fine. If you’re okay with it then it’s all good.

Don’t feel guilty about prioritising your relationship for one night. DH and I did not have a good time with a young baby and I wish I had spent more time taking care of us. It’s taken a long time to recover from that period. I’m sure it’ll also be good for you to have an evening spent in nice clothes and not covered in baby vomit.

I can pretty much guarantee you’ll spend a good chunk of the evening looking at photos of the baby though