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Original poster

sibling rivalry: adorable babies

15 replies

puppydavies · 19/08/2007 17:00

dd2 (3mo) is (unbiased opinion ) an utterly adorable baby - pretty, alert, smiley, gurgly - and attracts attention wherever we go. in answer to the usual questions she is also a fantastic sleeper, generally laid back and as "good" as babies get without being a spud.

dd1 (4) is well old enough to notice and resent all this attention, and while she's mostly really good with the baby (veering towards over-attentive and smothery) it's clear that she's suffering from losing her limelight.

how do you deal with the attention e.g. from strangers? (family are pretty good about giving dd1 extra attention) and from you? i'm starting to feel unable to grin and coo at dd2 if dd1 is in the room - this is being silly, right? but how do i balance it out? give dd1 as much positive attention as possible but she drinks it up and still wants more...

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Original poster

puppydavies · 19/08/2007 21:40

no-one?

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oneplusone · 20/08/2007 11:14

We had the same 'problem', DS was and still is a gorgeous baby and now toddler and he still gets loads of attention wherever we go. When he was born I tried to make sure DD also got as much attention as possible from myself and DH (other people are much harder to control unfortunately!) but sometimes DD had to tell DH 'Look at me too!' as DH was besotted with DS and I felt heartbroken when that happened.

We are npw 15 months on as DS is now 15 months and all I can really say is that having no.2 is an adjustment process for all concerned, you, DH and DD and it does take some time to establish new routines so both kids get the attention they need. But, whilst I was worried about DD in the same way as you are, now I think she's fine and doesn't feel put out by the attention DS still gets. Hopefully this is because me and DH make sure she gets some one on one time with both of us and I give her as much attention as possible when it's just me her and DS.

All I can say to you is not to worry, kids are resilient and as long as DD1 knows you love her loads and loads she will be fine and in time will enjoy playing with her sibling as my two do.

Original poster

puppydavies · 21/08/2007 18:34

thanks for the reply 1+1, wasn't here yesterday, not ignoring!

i'm glad to hear you've got through this. i was just really thrown by how much more attention dd2 gets than dd1 did at that age. plus i've been super-attentive about fair shares of attention at home - actually favouring dd1 whenever poss - so i feel a bit affronted by all the fawning, let alone dd.

i did realise today though that it might not be entirely down to pure cuteness. i noticed that when i carry dd2 (in an unusual sling) facing outwards she gets 10x the attention she does when she's cwtshed in towards me - most people we pass smile at us and we get many more comments. so maybe it's mostly down to that (dd1 was usually screaming her head off at this age, and in a more 'normal' style carrier) and the attention might return to what i'd consider more normal when she's a bit older.

i did wonder about trying to help dd1 to feel proud that everyone thinks our baby is such a cutie but not quite sure how to go about it...

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notnowbernard · 21/08/2007 19:48

Compare the baby to dd1 when she was that age, i.e "Aah, look at her smiling, isn't she gorgeous, she looks just like you did when you were a baby" etc etc. That way you get to a) coo over baby ++ and b) fluff up dd1's feathers too

oneplusone · 21/08/2007 19:54

Hi, notnowbernard, that's a very good suggestion, i still do that with DD, tell her she did things just like DS when she was a baby, or even that she did things better (DS hasn't got a clue what I'm saying so he doesn't mind!)

bran · 21/08/2007 19:57

Your dd1 doesn't know that dd2 is getting more attention than she did at that age, tell her it's a baby thing and it was the same when she was little. You could use the example of puppies and dogs to explain why babies are more irresistible to strangers than older children. At least your family are being good about giving equal attention.

The bad news is that I am 5 years older than my db and was jealous of him until I was well into secondary school, which must have been a pain in the neck for my parents.

notnowbernard · 21/08/2007 20:04

I think doing that helped me and dd1. Because babies are gorgeous (I reckon, anyway ) and it is easy to slip into all that gooey gaa gaa nonsense with them! (Especially when you've got an older one that's turning you demented...

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puppydavies · 21/08/2007 20:05

we are doing the "just like you were at her age" thing and it helps that they look very similar, esp w/dd2 in dd1's hand-me-downs. so much so that grandma didn't realise i'd sent her pics of both of them to compare

we also tell her that she got just as much attention - certainly much more from us - when she was a baby. not sure that it helps that (she knows) she was a notoriously difficult/unhappy baby though, and that all she did was scream and never slpet while dd2 is supersmiley and a champion sleeper...

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puppydavies · 21/08/2007 20:08

am also shocked at how utterly irresistible i find dd2 too (hence worry about whether i should curb this in dd1's presence). always thought i wasn't a baby person, but when she grins i go totally melty. heh, it turns out i'm just not keen on babies that do nothing but scream and never sleep

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notnowbernard · 21/08/2007 20:09

What about the "I think she's so happy because she's got such a lovely/clever/funny/etc big sister to watch all the time" type line?

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puppydavies · 21/08/2007 20:11

hehe great minds, yep have tried comments along that line, dd1 always looks at me a little but i reckon if i say it often enough she'll start believing

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notnowbernard · 21/08/2007 20:12

I know what you mean, sometimes I just wanted to watch dd2 all the time (still do sometimes!) and found myself sort of reining it in a bit in front of dd1. But also realised that dd1 needed to learn that dd2 was an important part of our lives as well, now...a year on, I'm pretty sure everyone is happy with their new place!

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puppydavies · 21/08/2007 20:12

i'm sure it sounds like i'm making a mountain out of a molehill here, but i have sibling "issues" w/my big bro and so i want to do everything i can to help her get over the natural jealousy she's bound to feel.

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Original poster

puppydavies · 21/08/2007 20:14

"dd1 needed to learn that dd2 was an important part of our lives as well" yeah this is really important, i don't want to overcompensate and have all the jealousy going the other way instead. oh god it's impossible isn't it

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notnowbernard · 21/08/2007 20:25

Don't worry too much, it sounds like you and your family are pretty on the ball about this issue and are unlikely to let any deep-rooted sibling jealousy take place... your dd1 will soon be used to the baby and probably forget about pre-sister days

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