Smoked during pregnancy and now I’m terrified of SIDS.

[Jlp1234]

It’s not something which I’m proud of and beat myself up every single second of every single day worrying about SIDS and the potential health implications which I may of caused through my own selfish actions during my pregnancy.
I am due to have my baby at the end of this week but have smoked pretty heavily throughout the duration of my pregnancy due to stresses of home life, a house move and renovations. There is no excuse I know before I’m hounded by tons of judgemental mothers who tell me how selfish I am - but it’s to late for me to change this now unfortunately. I am making myself extremely ill constantly obsessing about SIDS etc and wondered if anyone else has been in this position before and could offer some reassurance or advice :(

Who cares about your placenta once you've had the baby?

My baby is 27 years old and perfectly healthy. I still feel shame that the placenta showed signs that I was a smoker. I smoked in secret throughout that pregnancy and told everyone I had given up. I was too worried about what people would think if I fessed up so I never asked for help. And of course the longer it went on the worse it got.

Concern about what people will think stops women from asking for help. OP says she has been smoking for the past 20 weeks. That's 20 weeks of pregnancy where she felt too ashamed to ask for help. Please don't add to the problem.

OP, there's a stop smoking section on MN where you should get actually helpful non-judgmental support but it doesn't get much traffic these days:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stop_smoking

Judging you right now newname. You are part of the problem. Posts like yours make it harder for women to ask for help.

@PencilsInSpace I totally agree with you.

The thing is that the advice will be related to the fact that smoking in pregnancy has health effects.

Whilst berating you doesn't help the situation, if what you're after are preganncy versions of stories like "my dad said that Phil down the pub didn't drink much and didn't smoke, trained for triathlon and then had a heart attack aged 58, whilst my dad has smoked 30 a day since he was a lad and is just fine at 70" then you'll probably not get that, and understandably so.

To move forward, you'll probably want firstly to give up smoking, change your bedding, fabreeze all your furnishings, wash all your clothes to remove the smell and particles.

I'd also consider getting someone in to deep clean the house. A new mattress might be another thing to consider.

My mum smoked heavily through all her pregnancies and after in the 60s/70s. My brother, my sister and myself were all healthy babies and are all still in great health. We were all good sizes too, I was nearly 11lbs!
Try not to worry OP. It's great that you have stopped now but there's no point in guilt tripping yourself. Just look forward to having your baby, I'm sure everything will be fine.

Lullaby Trust have a really good page with lots of helpful advice and links to support:

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/smoking/

If I was in charge of them I'd turn the headline on that page around so it read:

Stopping smoking during pregnancy or after birth decreases the risk of SIDS

Good luck Jlp and enjoy your lovely new baby

PencilsInSpace
Why flip it round?
There's nothing wrong with
Smoking during pregnancy or after birth increases the risk of SIDS
If you or your partner smokes while you’re pregnant or after your baby is born, the risk of SIDS (also known as cot death) is greatly increased

The only reason to flip it round is to downplay the known risks of smoking during pregnancy and to be delicate around the smokers' feelings. Health warnings need to be there in a way that's explicit. The dangers and consequences of smoking have been known for well over a decade, same for the risk of drinking too much alcohol and smoking during pregnancy and still people decide that they'll be alright because so-and-so's great aunty had 7 kids and they all turned out healthy / but life has been too busy for me to stop smoking etc, it's not even enough to be told that smoking risks causing harm to an innocent baby who didn't ask for the harm, because people still do it. I don't think minimising it is the way forward personally.

Deep cleaning your house or buying a new mattress are a waste of time and a whole lot of stress and expense you don't need right now.

The priority is to stop smoking.

Once you've done that you can think about cleaning your home if necessary. If you haven't been smoking indoors then there's really no need.

The febreeze suggestion is hilarious. What's it supposed to achieve exactly?

The fabreeze suggestion isn't that ridiculous.
People I know found it harder to give up smoking when their house stank of cigarettes. It gets into all the fabrics etc. Fabreezing the fabrics removed the smell so meant they weren't constantly being bombarded with the smell when trying to give up.

I agree that the priority needs to be giving up smoking, but with the best will in the world the OP will need to rid their whole environment of as much smoke related triggers as possible given that pregnancy hasn't been enough to get her to stop so far and she's days from giving birth.

Well done for giving up OP...
I also smoked whilst pregnant - not regularly, but I feel guilty as hell about it still -baby was perfectly healthy and is now a lovely toddler.

Contact your midwife and get some support.

It's never ever too late to make a positive change and even giving up now will make a difference.

Look on the lullaby trust website for safe sleeping guidelines and try and put in place everything you can that they suggest.

You've got this

Why flip it round?

Because that page is relevant for smokers and those who live around them. It's not for people who are never likely to ever have to deal with this issue personally or in their own family or social circles, but who fancy pointing a finger and having a judge anyway.

Flipping it around doesn't downplay the risk at all. It just encourages action to reduce risk rather than simply telling people off, which doesn't work.

Nowhere in my posts have I minimised any risks.

The aim is to improve the health of mothers and babies, not to make you feel better.

but with the best will in the world the OP will need to rid their whole environment of as much smoke related triggers as possible given that pregnancy hasn't been enough to get her to stop so far and she's days from giving birth.

Rubbish. She just needs proper non-judgmental support. Which thankfully is available, though not so much on MN to it's shame.

Flipping it around doesn't downplay the risk at all. It just encourages action to reduce risk rather than simply telling people off, which doesn't work.

I have to disagree. Flipping it around makes it sound like quitting smoking is just a bonus to the baby's health. There are already far too many people who insist that smoking is no big deal, cutting down is enough, etc. If the Lullaby Trust tiptoes around the reality that smoking during pregnancy put babies' lives at risk, it makes it easier for pregnant smokers to remain in denial (which is something addicts are generally extremely adept at).

For example, when doctors give patients news of terminal illness, they are instructed to explicitly use the word "die" instead of euphemisms such as "pass away". This is because, although it may seem harsh, it's the best way to help the patient come to terms with reality. Phrasing the news more coyly in order to soften the blow is actually counterproductive; it just makes it easier for them to remain in denial.

The headline "Stopping smoking during pregnancy or after birth decreases the risk of SIDS" would give the impression that smoking during pregnancy is the baseline, and that giving up is an optional extra. It may sound strange, but if an addict's desperately telling themselves that smoking during pregnancy isn't really dangerous, they'll latch onto anything that reinforces that belief.

my 3rd was 4lb 13oz due to pre natal depression

Did the doctor really tell you that your baby was underweight due to depression, not smoking? If so, I'm genuinely shocked. How can maternal depression impact a baby's weight? I'm not asking a rhetorical question; I've never heard of this before.

I think the increased SIDS risk still doesnt make it significant risk.
However imo the bigger risks are
Asthma
Height restriction
Allergies
(Increased risk of asd/adhd)

The asthma due to smoking probably causes a higher mortality than SIDS.
Having been hospitalised as a child with asthma (and dsis several times).
I think a consideration that for girls the eggs are already formed when in utero so they are getting the chemicals to the GC.
For me and dsis although annoying it is understandable that dmum smoked as the effects werent quite as clear 40years ago.
How 1/10 mums will say to their dc they smoked throughout now i have no idea.
However now im older i do see work and dc are very stressful and most people do have a crutch- smoking/food/drink/exercise.
Good luck with continued stoppage.

Valanice1989

my 3rd was 4lb 13oz due to pre natal depression

Did the doctor really tell you that your baby was underweight due to depression, not smoking? If so, I'm genuinely shocked. How can maternal depression impact a baby's weight? I'm not asking a rhetorical question; I've never heard of this before.

Yes and a quick google search will tell you the same thing. Google depression in pregnancy and low birth weight

Op you don't actually sound concerned about the baby more you getting caught out for smoking. Yes they may ask you about your placenta as you have said you don't smoke and they will be worried why it's black! Seriously just tell your midwife!

There was a comment below about someone's friend smoking and the "only" noticeable thing was asthma and bronchitis. These are really bloody serious conditions! Children die every year from asthma! Don't ever play down asthma!

I'm stunned by the comment "her children are fine, they have asthma"! My friend's brother died of an asthma attack at 19. I think the general public believe asthma just means feeling a bit out of breath sometimes.

@Blippolbblopp, the most recent research I could find shows that antenatal depression is actually associated with increased birth weight. Even if it isn't, how can a doctor tell the difference between a baby who's underweight because of smoking and a baby who's underweight because of depression? What kind of tests would they do?

Yeah I'm sorry but that's total bollocks. Smoking is a much more probable cause for that low birth weight and there's no way a doctor would dismiss that and say it was down to depression instead, unless they were just trying to make you feel better.

I agree that women need to be supported to quit smoking but we need to stop peddling this bullshit that it's OK because your Great Aunt Nancy smoked and all her kids were fine, or that it's more stressful and damaging to the baby for you to stop (this is almost never true), or that plenty of women do it because they don't know they're pregnant, or that it's irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Smoking while pregnant can be incredibly damaging and shouldn't be socially acceptable, just like driving your car while drunk or off your head on drugs isn't, or heavy drinking during pregnancy isn't. Pregnant women deserve people being honest with them even if the truth isn't that palatable. It does no one any favours to tip toe round the truth, least of all the babies who are damaged by maternal smoking or smoke-ridden homes.

I can appreciate the link between antenatal depression and low birth weight, but yes smoking is much more likely to be the cause, or at least significant contributing factor, to such a low birth weight. I don’t believe any doctor would say otherwise.

@Blippolbblopp that's rubbish - maternal depression is associated with increased weight in neonates, not low birth weight. Your baby's low birth weight was probably caused by you choosing to smoke.

@ AliciaJohns89 that’s aimed at me i think... my DS has asthma and he’s fine... it’s not through smoking - he jsut has it. Like with everything there are different levels of severity. All her children are fine and it’s manageable.

Im not here to argue and i dont care what peoples opinions are about it,

My midwife and my consultant said it was down to depression, id gained 3lb throughout the entire pregnancy and had other health issues going on, i was a far heavier smoker with my DD than i was my DS but i wasnt stressed or depressed with DD and she was a healthy weight

Stress and depression recks havoc on your body especially when your pregnant, my DS is now a healthy nearly 3 year old so people arnt going to make me feel guilty for struggling to give up smoking when pregnant 3 years ago when they dont know the circumstances

As it happens i was in an extremely physically abusive relationship where i would tell my midwife my split open eyebrow was due to me falling on pottybtraining dd's wee and falling on the table when in reality id been headbutted at 26 weeks pregnant.

Due to my DD being such a good weight i do not believe my DS's weight was due to my smoking considering the amount id cut down, i think his low birth weight was due to the horrible circumstances whilst i was pregnant