One of the most difficult things about being a parent is dealing with risk and staying sane. This will probably be the first time of many that you fret and beat yourself up over something you could have done, or not done, or avoided, which has led to an increased risk of something bad happening to your child. And if you are very unlucky something bad might happen to your child. And you can do everything right and still be very unlucky.
There's no point fretting about past risks - you can't change them. You need to focus on now and on the future.
Here are the statistics:
The incidence of SIDS is 1 in 3845 babies. Around 30% of these are linked to smoking in pregnancy. A further 30% are linked to smoking around babies at home. So yes you have increased the risk but these are still very small numbers and you can avoid the same amount of further risk by not smoking around your baby when he/she arrives. Do you have a partner and does he smoke? If so he needs to step up too.
10.8% of pregnant women are still smoking at the time of delivery. So you're not alone, midwives are used to looking after mothers who smoke. Your midwife will not be at all shocked that you have not been truthful about your smoking.
NICE guidelines say: Some women find it difficult to say that they smoke because the pressure not to smoke during pregnancy is so intense. This, in turn, makes it difficult to ensure they are offered appropriate support.
So it is recognised that there is intense stigma around smoking in pregnancy and that this is not helpful. So your midwife should not judge you and if she does this is grounds for a complaint.
There is a very strong correlation between smoking and mental health issues. If you suffer from anxiety you are likely to find it much harder to quit so grab all the help available. This is why you should talk to your midwife - because she can support you and refer you to specialist help. Also talk to your GP about your anxiety.
While you're waiting for support you can use NRT - gum, patches, spray etc. the 24 hour patches are not recommended though. Use as much as you need and don't skimp on it or try to cut down too quickly. You can double up, e.g. a patch for slow release and a spray for when you have a bad craving. While not medically licenced, the current advice is that vaping is much much better than smoking and if it keeps you off the fags you should do it. The most important thing is not to inhale smoke because it's chock full of carbon monoxide and carcinogens.
It's never too late to stop smoking for your child - or for you. SIDS is not the only risk, second hand smoke harms children's health too, and children who grow up with smokers are far more likely to become smokers themselves, with all the associated risks.
You're probably not as cute as a sweet innocent little baby - you certainly won't be in late middle age when the health issues start to kick in - but your health matters too. You don't want to spend your last few decades struggling to breathe. You don't want to miss out on enjoying any grandchildren.