Positive stories about 4-5 year age gap?

[waitingforarainbow]

My husband and I have been TTC #2 for 15 months and have been faced with secondary infertility and a miscarriage. I had always wanted a 3 year age gap but it's now looking more likely to be 4 years (if we're lucky). I'd really love to hear some positive stories from parents with a 4 year gap between kids, as

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...as I'm struggling to let go of the 'ideal' age gap I had in mind, and to picture this bigger gap.

Thank you! x

I had ds 2 on Monday! Ds1 is just 4.
It’s really lovely so far - ds is old enough to understand lots and has been super excited. But it’s also nice that he’s in full time school and has his own thing going on in that way. It feel like his life has been less disrupted than it would’ve a year ago. And it’s quite nice for me to have the day times to focus on the baby without feeling guilty.
My mate has a boy 4 years older than ds & they play quite nicely when he visits.

I suppose there really is no ideal gap. Every way has its upsides & downsides, but all you need to focus on are the upsides. Good luck with your journey.

5.5 yrs between dc1 and dc2 - they got on best in the first six years. Currently the 10 yr old irritates the 16 yr old to high heaven and seems to enjoy it but I’m sure it will even out as they get older.
3.5 years between dc2 and dc3 and they vary between being the closest siblings ever and the biggest enemies ever from one minute to the next 🙈
9 years between dc1 and dc3 (16 and 7) and they have always been adorable together. That relationship gives me no hassle.
All three are very loyal and affectionate to each other so that makes up for the rows and grumps 😄

I have a 5 year age gap due to multiple miscarriages. It's a lovely gap, my DD was so helpful and interested. She adores her DB and they are 9 and almost 4 now and play well together. I have a 2 year age gap between the 4 year old and almost 2 year old and it's been exhausting. They mostly squabble. 5 is brilliant, good luck.

My brother was born on my 5th birthday. I was disappointed as I wanted a sister. I didn't like him much and the age gap was too big for us ever to play together. We got on much better when I went away to University. I've still got some letters he wrote to me when I was there.

I am the oldest out of 3. Me in 95, siblings in 99 and 00. Wonderful, have always loved that I got to enjoy being an only, but am very close to my siblings. Wasn't always like that, and sharing a room thankfully only lasted a week, but we have always gotten on quite well.

I have a DD and a DS and there are 4.5 years between them. They are now adults and are very close. The age difference has not made a happ'nth of difference.

Not my dc, but my nieces have a 5 year age gap and they get on really well and always have done
BILL & SIL planned for around that gap so one would just have started school when new one was born

Good luck

Mine are almost 5 years i loved it had 1 on the way to school while the baby was at home i felt i had time for both .it wasn't without challanges the middle years when dc1 was 13-15 was hard work but they are now in their 20s and are great friends as well as siblings.

So lovely reading all your positive stories - thank you so much!

DC1 being in school when DC2 arrives seems to be one really big bonus. Although my DC won't be going to school til Sept 2021 when he's nearly 5. I'm wondering whether a 4 year age gap (before DC1 is at school) is a bit of a grey area in terms of benefits? x

Mine are 5.5 years apart and we love it. Little one is now 4, big one gets brekkie for the both of them while we get ready for work, generally the greatest sound is the two of them playing silly games together or the big one making the small one giggle like crazy. Little worships Big. Big is fiercely protective of Little. I love having a bigger age gap!

We have a 5 year gap (also had a mc before I got pregnant with my 2nd). Honestly, it’s great. I don’t know how people do small age gaps tbf!

I had lots of one on one time with both of them as babies. My 1st was half way through reception when I had my 2nd. It meant I was home on mat leave for a lot of her first year of school and the first summer holidays, which was wonderful. But I also had my days completely with my baby.

I also had lots of time in between to build my career so I came back from mat leave 2 with a solid promotion, and to a good work life balance. We also had a little break from nursery bills to save money before I started mat leave again. Hopefully we’ll have the same with uni and never need to pay for both of them at the same time.

And they are lovely together. They are 6.5 and nearly 2 now and adore each other. I can comfortably leave the room to wee or start dinner and they will carry on safely playing with each other. My 6 year old knows what’s safe and what isn’t so she’s a pair of eyes in the back of my head, which is so helpful. There really have been no negatives at all and I’m glad we waited.

I have a 5 year gap between DD1 and DD2, now 11 and 6. So far it's been absolutely brilliant. They're great pals, still play together and enjoy each other's company. They shared a room together until earlier this year. A lot of people assume that the age gap will mean they aren't close, but I think personality is the most important element. I do think the teenage years may be hell though!

I had nothing to go on with the teen years if they were closer in age but dd1 wasn't particularly patient with her sister she was just irritated by her but you just ride it out and it does work out .

I have a 4y gap between mine and it's brilliant! Eldest was almost independent so I wasn't having to wipe 2 bums, feed 2 mouths etc and they have the absolute best relationship. Honestly can't imagine a better gap. Best of luck ttc (ps took me 2years to conceive each time...)

We have 3 years 10 months gap.

It’s worked out well practically as dd has just started school and as I’m on maternity leave I have been able to settle her and not use breakfast and after school club.

Also a huge bonus is only having one set of nursery fees at a time. It’s the main reason we chose to wait until dd was 3 before ttc.

We were worried that dd would struggle to share us, having had us to herself for 4 years. She did play up a bit the first few weeks as she was a bit unsettled. But she has absolutely adored ds since he arrived, she loves cuddling him and is really proud to show him off to people. Ds absolutely loves dd too - his face lights up when he sees her and she made him do his first laugh.

My 3 DS are almost 22, 17 and 13, it was perfect for us plenty of one to one time whilst the older ones were in school. It also made me more organised as I did all the school runs every day so everyone was up dressed and fed before school. They all got along really well and it’s lovely watching the older 2 becoming adults together.

4.5 years between my two. And the perfect age gap in my eyes. It means DS was just starting school as DD was born so I didn't have 2 at home which I imagine would be very difficult 7 days a week. DS was also keen on being helpful with his little sister doing things like fetching clean nappies, putting things away etc.

Now at 10 and 15 they have a really lovely relationship.

Love mine! 4yrs 10mths gap between eldest two and they're super cute together.

We also wanted and tried for an almost exact 3 year gap but miscarried. It then took ages to conceive again and thus the gap ended up almost 5yrs.

It worked out so well though as baby no.2 was born just as the first began school so baby had lots of one to one during school hours (and I could sleep with the baby!)

They are different genders too so I initially sulked that they'd never be close, however they're really sweet together and I hope it lasts.

I think there's pros and cons to any age gap and what's meant to be will be. Sorry that you miscarried though, it's never easy x

4 years between my sibling and I, due to a late miscarriage in between. We're very close now and were as kids/teens for the most part, though as we were 5 school years apart I left home for uni quite a long time before she did. I think there was less rivalry between us than if we'd been closer in age.

We have a five year age gap (in fact 6 school years) and it has worked out well.

• after school activities at primary didn't clash as DD2 didn't start them until DD1 was at secondary
• DD1 got lots of attention for SATs and GCSEs. As does DD2.
• played well until DD1 got to about 15, always easier outside than in though, and museums etc needed 1-1 for them both to benefit at their level
• less obvious if younger turns out to be cleverer than elder one (no fear of catching up)

I dont have kids (yet) but me and my sister are 4.5 years apart.

We had our fallings out when we were teenagers - although I think half of that was caused by me being a difficult teenager.

We're great friends now, and I love catching up with her. Wouldnt have it any other way!

Wow, thanks so much for all these replies and please keep them coming! I feel like I'm slowly going from being devastated to excited about the potential new age gap. x