Stress-free school mornings, are they possible?

[roisin]

We just don't seem to be getting into the swing of things this term, and every morning involves a lot of screaming and shouting (and that's just me!) The boys (5 and 7) just can't seem to understand that if they spend 30 minutes faffing about instead of getting dressed, then life gets very fraught, and then (like today) there is no time for such fun as going into the garden to find some snails for the day's school science experiment

We have tried pasta, stickers, bribes, rewards, threats ... nothing seems to be working. Btw they are not allowed to come downstairs until they are dressed, and they don't watch any TV before school.

Someone must have an effective tip? Please!

Send them to bed in their clothes. Seriously.

Take them to school in their pyjamas. I don't think they'll muck around in future then.

If you were being really kind you could have their school clothes with you for them to change into once you get there

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That as well as shoes by the door and a supply of breakfast cereal bars if you are really pushed for time.

Hi Roisin,
it sounds like our house, don't go downstairs until dressed and no TV but still things don't always run smoothly. When things wwere at their worst i got up earlier and sorted myself out first, so i showered, dressed and breakfasted whilst they slept. then i could devote all of my time to getting them ready. I really took a step back as i was almost dressing them!! races worked for a while too. but we had to give up on that one when dd ALWAYS won and it began to cause more problems that it was solving.
things are pretty bad at the moment but i haven't done this again as things have improved after we did a list of what each of them needed each day and we make sure they are raedy the night before and are at the door ready to go. then all they have to think about is themslves and their braekfast.

i'll watch this thraed for other ideas

good idea about taking them to school in PJs. when i taught in the nursery a mum warned me in front of their dd that they may be arriving in PJs the next day as she was sick of shouting so tomorrow she wasn't going to shout and if DD wasn't raedy in time then she'd just bring her as she was. i obliged and played the part and apparently it worked a treat, no more morning stress

hmm, maybe that could ahve done with some punctuation, you'll all be out of breath.

I think my difficulty in letting them actually take responsibility for themselves and facing the consequences, is that if they don't have a good breakfast (and they usually eventually eat loads) then their behaviour REALLY plummets, and their concentration/learning ability in school too.

But I quite fancy the idea of taking them to school in PJs: does that make me a wicked and evil mummy? Or at the very least warning their teachers we may do so

Thanks for the replies so far, these are helpful. Any more?

Hi Rosin,
Our school has just switched to an 8.30 start, so we to are having a few morning probs as well!

We all went to the alarm clock shop after school yesterday, they each picked their own, only cost 45 pastas each, and this morning we were ready to leave at 7.50!

Of course, this is not conclusive but I thought a step in the right direction.

When we used to hang in the morning I always remember my worst fear was Mum walking us to school in her dressing gown, which she occasionally did!

Yours are older than mine, so you've probably been through all my tricks. But here's ours:

• I do Mon/Wed/Fri mornings; dh does Tues/Thurs (roughly). It somehow breaks the day in day out grind aspect & they don't get so practiced at what exactly winds me (personally) up;

• all uniform out the night before, all bags packed, snacks waiting in fridge (don't have to do sandwiches, but if I did I hear of people who make them all on Sunday & freeze);

• start everything 20 minutes earlier than need to. Don't know if we're lucky that that means "only" a 6.45 start;

• hairbrush, toothbrushes & toothpaste in downstairs loo as well as upstairs.

Ds (5 yrs) is meant to get a reward (11p etc. - he selects the amount and is not very materialistic) if he gets his clothes on & is downstairs before I've made tea. He hasn't got anything yet this term, but on the other hand hasn't been staring into space like last year. I keep telling myself it IS better, it IS better and will get more so ... as we were leaving yesterday ds actually said "but where is my reading folder mummy?" which for him was a giant breakthrough in self-reliance.

We do the no TV until dressed rule.
This morning dd actually came and woke me up having already put on her school uniform - properly .

ROFL Yamamoto - walking them to school in my dressing gown?! I don't think my dedication to the cause stretches that far.

But I will file that one away for future reference - I think it could have more effect when they are teenagers .. and the secondary school is much closer

Sponge - I dream of the kids waking me up already fully dressed. How old is she?

I found the only way to get mine out of the door on time is not to give them any time to spare. So they get up at 7.50 and are out of the house by 8.30.Dh does the driving to school, so I am spared that, but i have 3 to get ready every school day, rising to 4, 2 mornings a week. When I gave them longer to get ready they messed about more..

Do the same thing every day (monotony may drive you crazy but you'll get to school on time).

1.Get up first and shower (about 6.45 works for me reagardless of previous night's alcohol consumption)- leave hair to dry naturally (not good look but don't care on schooldays).
2. Get DH up and let him get on with prettying himself.
3. Get dressed and get baby's stuff ready on bed.
4. Wake up girls and order them into uniform.
5. Empty dishwasher and get breakfast sorted whilst DH wakes and dresses baby. Same thing every day although the cereal does vary - dread porridge request though especially as microwave now dead.
6. Eat breakfast and feed baby. Assemble packed lunch (only sandwiches to make as do the rest the night before). DH does their teeth.
7. Ponytails in hair and blast mine then drag comb through.
8. Check bookbags have correct books and homework. Dh does baby's coat and shoes. Sling everything under pushchair and out of door by 8.30. (Run first part of walk to school usually but fit in good mother chat and songs on most days!)

P.S. It doesn't always work!

No breakfast until out of pajamas and into day clothes... this helps a lot, but still have a major faff arguing with the 2yo about what shoes/coat/sox/hat she wants to wear to get out the door.

Aah, mornings, my favourite time of the day!

Like you, I had a strictly no TV in the mornings rule but I have now cunningly incorporated it into the routine and it seems to be working...

FWIW, here's ours (ds 5, dd1 3, dd2 18 mths):

6.45: I stumble out of bed, shower then go downstairs and make a cup of tea. DH is long gone (leaves at 6.15).

7.05: stumble back upstairs and get dd2 up and dressed. Wake the other two.

7.10-7.30: get dressed and encourage ds and dd1 to dress themselves (!). Have reached a compromise with ds that he'll do his socks and jumper after breakfast (don't know why this is important to him).

7.30-7.50: breakfast for kids, me unpacking dishwasher and making lunches.

7.50: ds upstairs to do teeth, face, socks and jumper.

8.00: me upstairs with dd1 and dd2 to do their teeth and faces.

8.00-8.15: I tidy upstairs, they faff around a bit.

8.15: they can watch 10 mins of CBeebies if they put their coats and shoes on first. Brush hair

8.25: waft elegantly out of door.

Worked very well this morning, but we'll see...

BTW, sorry this is so long!

Roisin
I only have one, but,6 years of experience ranging from, did I brush my own hair this morning? (seriously), to lovely chilled out walk halfway to school mornings.
They say that with more than one you get sibling rivelry so why not turn that into sibling competitiveness. Put their clothes in seperate rooms and say the first one properly dressed in given time gets a sticker on chart or something. Could end up in fight or bundle on the stairs but well worth a try.
Good Luck
Softie

IME, no. My eldest are 10,8 and 7, and they still have to be told to brush teeth and wash faces. They seem to have a 'let's see who can eat the slowest' competition at breakfast.

I have lunches made the night before and uniforms laid out and ready, but my 10 year old still gazes into space for 5 minutes between socks.

Now that I have the youngest two to get dressed and breakfasted, and to the childminders, I feel I have a days work done before paid work begins.

Sorry, this is not help, just a chance for me to moan.

Getting them up earlier has no effect. They use the extra time to wind each other up, and fight.

Roll on half-term.

We're up at 7, ds (4.5) has breakfast and milk by 7.20, let him watch tv until 8 then tv off and upstairs for toilet/teeth/clothes on and out by 8.30. Wouldn't dare let him eat his Weetabix or brush teeth in his school clothes, too risky!

I used a points system, ending in pocket money at the end of the week (Friday). You could do a star chart on the wall with stickers for good behaviour such as being ready for school on time. I also had making beds, bringing plates, cups etc into the kitchen and keeping their rooms tidy.
(I also had minus stickers - horrid mummy )

Am I the only mother of a 10 year old who still has to micro manage him getting dressed, washed and ready? He can be so slow. He still fumbles over tying his shoe laces for instance. Once one task has ended he tends to stare into space unless promted to do the next. So I try not to let him out of my sight. Leaving him alone for 20 minutes to get ready is a recipe for disaster.
OK sometimes he does it, all is well, sometimes (increasingly) he gets ready and has time to help me with the youngest, but no way can I rely on him.

Sally strawberry, you ds sounds so wonderfully self reliant and calm. You are so lucky. I have been telling my oldest son that children his age or a bit older are taking almost total responsiblity for getting themselves up and out of the house - from setting the alarm clock to brushing their teeth. It is sinking in but only slowly.

On many days still, my conversation goes like this 'got your trousers on? well done! now put your shoes and socks on! I said NOW!!...5 minutes later.... have you put your shoes and socks on? WONDERFUL!... now go upstairs and brush your teeth - NOW THIS MINUTE!! etc etc

We do the no breakfast thing till after getting dressed. We still cut it fine nearly every morning.

When I set my watch 10 or 20 minutes fast, this really helps. I think it's good to have two deadlines - a pretend one and a real one, so you have that breathing space. Actually I must get back to doing this, I have lapsed recently.

I do shout a lot some mornings though. When I feel myself going into meltdown, I loudly sing the orders - really! they boys absolutely hate this. They get really embarassed. I am past caring by this stage. Warning them I am about to start singing to them makes them hurry up a lot!

Roisin, you are not alone and I am very impressed your sons get dressed upstairs by themselves - we have yet to even reach that stage.

Thanks for all the feedback - we have actually had a couple of slightly better days, so fingers crossed! (Certainly haven't had to resort to going to school in their pyjamas or my dressing gown )

Maybe it's just because we're back on porridge, and they like to get to it before it's cold!

Zaphod - I love the 'gazing into space between socks' description: this is exactly what ds1 does!

Tigermoth - I like the singing tip: I may try this next time I start feeling frustrated - I'll let you know how I get on.

I'm amazed how quickly some children eat their breakfasts. Generally breakfast time only feels relaxed if they have 35 minutes to eat it.

I really feel I ought force myself to step back and force them to take more responsibility for themselves - they were both actually getting pretty good a year ago, but now it all seems to be back on my shoulders.