My aunt and uncle are grandparents to my children

[Hsl1719]

When I was very young my mum passed away and I’m also not close to my dad. So when I found out I was pregnant I asked my aunt and uncle if they would be grandparents.

For a very long time I dreaded the extra loss I was about to feel with not having my mum with me to share this with however my aunt/uncle have been more then amazing to me and my girls and they love them so so much. And I know my mum would have been so happy if she could see or know the love they have for them.

So I’ll get to the question 🤦‍♀️ The thought has come to me that one day the girls may ask me why they aren't my parents. Has anyone got any advice. I would never want them to think that I’ve lied or tricked them. I’m probably overthinking the entire thing!

You're worrying for nothing I reckon
They are loved and thats what matters
Explain it when they're older, but for now I think its lovely they play the part of grandparents.
My kids biological grandmother hasn't made an effort with them in 2 years, and nor has their aunt. Biology doesn't mean a thing sometimes.

I have a close family friend that is not related to me at all. My children call her a variant of Grandma and this is what I call her to my children. We see just as much of her as we do my husbands parents and we see her more often than we see my own mum. My eldest is 6, it has never come up, being blood doesn't make you a grandparent, the way you relate to one another does.

Your children are very lucky to have beautiful grandparents, answer any questions honestly as and if they arise. Kids are very blasé and wont care half as much as you are thinking they will x

My great aunts kids call my grandad and grandma (her sister and BIL) grandma and grandad. Her parents had died when she had kids and they're the same generation as us grand children. They call my mother, aunts and uncles, auntie and uncle as well. It's not confusing, we know whos related to who and how. It's just titles and its nice.

I think it's wonderful that your Aunt and Uncle will share the role of grandparents, biology simply is secondary in my mind to that love.
Yes in time your children can know that these two individuals, love them so much that they chose them to be their grandchildren.
I suspect that your children will appreciate that sentiment as they grow older.
Enjoy your lovely relationship and allow things to develop organically.

Humm... as long as they know the truth it is fine. My dc call my mom, mother M. They know that I'm their mother and she is their grandmother but they call her mother M as everyone else does in the extended family. I'm also somewhat following my mother's footsteps as I call my dn, son but he rightly calls me aunty notnowokay. I correct him when he accidentally calls me mother after spending prolonged time with my dc. He is young so a slip of the tongue is normal. His parents don't mind.

I don't think it's strange and actually I think it is nice that they get to have that role and your children get a granny and grandad. My best friend is my children's auntie even though she isn't really.
And when it came up in conversation when my daughter was 3 or 4, I just told her. She doesn't care, she's still her auntie who loves her and plays with her.
I don't think there's an issue here. You just tell the kids when it comes up and it's no big deal. They ll still be granny and grandad to them. Abd anyway I would say until about age 5/6 kids struggle with understanding how people in their family are related. Eg my daughter was always amazed when I said her granny was my mummy

I think it's lovely. Just show your children photos of your parents, as they grow up so they know who they were. Children have more than one set of grandparents anyway so it's no big deal.

MIl is nanny to two children whose mum lost her own mum. When my kids cane along she said she should be called nanny by then too, and she treats them equally..

My first reaction was ‘but why?’
However the more I think about it, the more it isn’t an issue really. People have aunties who aren’t related, they gave grandads who are actually a step dad to mum. People refer to step siblings are just siblings. Just be open about who their biological grandmother is, and that they’re lucky to have stand in grand parents. For what it’s worth, I’m not sure you needed to call them nanny and grandad, but no harm done. You all sound lucky to have one another

It doesn’t matter what they call them, Nanny & Grandad is fine. All that matters is they are getting to have a lovely relationship with 2 extra people.

I think it’s lovely. I’m confused as to why some think it’s strange. If we’re following their line of thinking, should adoptive parents not be called mum and dad.
Family is was more than the biology.
My “Auntie” was the most wonderful lady I ever met and my closest “family member”. We weren’t blood relatives or relatives through marriage. She lived on our street. I love her more than I could ever say.

Let your kids enjoy their granny and grandad. It’s a special feeling for s child to feel chosen to be loved in that way.

I think you are overthinking it - as long as you are honest it will be fine. Talk about your parents, have pictures of them etc. My mum's aunt was like a grandmother to us, my grandparents died when I was very young. We called her Nan, she absolutely fulfilled a grandmotherly role in our lives but we always knew she was our great-aunt.

A lovely arrangement.

Maybe keep being open about who they are and why they stepped in, even while your DC are very young. That way it’ll never have been a big secret to be revealed.

I’ve only read the first few posts and was quite surprised to see some negative comments. I think it’s lovely and know someone who did the same thing. Her parents had passed away and her child didn’t have any contact with their dad so the child wouldn’t have had any grandparents. So this lady’s aunt and uncle stepped in and the child calls them nanny and grandad. The child knows they aren’t her actual grandparents but in every way that matters they are and they have a very close and lovely relationship.

How lovely for everyone.

I think if you show them a picture of your mum and explain she is your mummy but she passed away. And you aunt and uncle, who you love very much, have the honour of being their grandparents because your mum cant.

Explain how very happy if makes them and you.

I don’t think it’s that big a deal, they are family, they just get extra special titles.

I think this is a really lovely thing to do. When your children are old enough you can show them your family tree, but your aunt and uncle will always be seen as nanny and grandad. It dissent matter if they're not directly grandparents, or even blood relatives - they're fulfilling that role, which is more than many actual grandparents do.

There are countless children’s books about ‘different’ families and it’s talked about in schools in PHSE.

I would just talk about it, like MyNameisAlex did.

I think its fine

I have a 'step grandad' as it were. But he has always just been 'grandad' to us. I know he isn't my Mums dad, probably found out in early teens, but it has never made a difference. He has been married to my Nana since my mother was a teen, and has always taken on the dad/ grandad role.
My blood grandfather is still alive as far as i know, but he was an alcoholic who beat his family. I have never felt any need to meet him.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you’re doing- just be completely honest always.

It’s irrelevant information to them really, it won’t change their bond.

You just explain it. I don’t think it will be a big deal. I had two sets of grandparents and then I had a Grandma Mary and a Grandpa Joe - who were actually much older friends of my mum from work! My mum was like an adopted daughter to them as their own daughter had died (giving birth, just before I was born). They were in my lives til they died (living into their 90s) and I am still close with one of their daughters (who was my ‘aunt’ growing up and now in her 60s). Not hard to understand and it seemed totally normal as a child. Lots of people have ‘family’ who aren’t family in the the traditional way.

Hi

I don’t understand the unhelpful comments. In many cultures great aunts and great uncles are called similar names to grandparents.

I’m sure that as the children grow up you will talk to them about the how you are all related etc and talk about your mum.

I would just carry on as you are and drip the story in as they get older. Sometimes in reception they get them to draw a family tree, so you might want to have some more discussion before they start school but let them take the lead in how they describe it. At times children go through a painfully honest phase where they might reject the nanny and grandad titles but as long as you and your aunt and uncle are not offended by it then you will ride that wave. Around the same age her peers if they know of the relationship might also try to correct her but as long as you are honest about the relationships she will come through with happy memories.

Tell them you wanted them to have an extra special job because you love them so much.

I think it's lovely. I would simply tell your children that your aunt and uncle are like your parents, as older kids you can explain further

I think it's lovely and don't over think it .
I only recently lost my nan she was 93 and all my friends called her Nonna!
I'm tearing up thinking about it now and how lovely it was and how lucky I was to have her.
Sorry op , bit of pmt over here !