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Original poster

DS hurt at school

55 replies

theworstwife · 27/09/2019 20:20

Sorry this is long, I don't have anyone really to talk to about this in real life. My son is 4 and has just started reception 3 weeks ago. He has been getting on really well. He is normally a very confident boy but has found this a bit more difficult as most of the children in his class went to the same preschool and are all still playing together - I think he is playing on his own but says he doesn't mind this. We talked about how to make friends etc.

Anyway today at pick up his teacher mentions another boy in his class has intentionally bumped DS's head on the playground. She says he has been spoken to and that was it. It transpires from my son another child told this boy to have a fight with my DS and he then repeatedly slammed his head into the playground. He cried and the boys ran off. He is obviously upset and has been tearful until bedtime. I feel awful that this has happened to him and I wasn't there to protect him. I feel the teacher really minimised what happened and just wanted to scurry back into her classroom as quickly as possible. I am going to talk to the teacher on Monday to check she is fully aware of the circumstances and to keep an eye on this other child. It disturbs me that 4 year olds can be like this - my son has always been a kind and gentle boy as have his friends.

My DS is also having a 5th birthday party - he is really keen to do this even though he doesn't really know anyone. However today he says he doesn't want to invite these two boys. I completely understand this but don't want to be that parent excluding 2 boys out of the whole class - it seems a bad way to start and this incident may be a one off.

I know I'm been over sensitive - I'm struggling a bit anyway with a 5 month old and post natal anxiety, my mum has terminal cancer and I was bullied and excluded myself for years at school and know how painful it is and how that damage lasts and erodes your self esteem.

I'm not going to go into school all guns blazing but I want to know what to do to try and protect my son. What sort of 4 year olds are having fights and slamming others heads into the floor? Also I want some advice about what to do with the party.

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Itsonlymonday · 27/09/2019 21:06

Your poor baby OP. 💐
I’m sorry, I don’t have advice. My son will start reception next year and atm he goes to a private preschool/nursery and not the one connected to the school. I’m dreading this might happen to him.
I’d like to know what others advice .

Original poster
theworstwife · 27/09/2019 21:44

Thank you for replying - it is my worst fear that he will be bullied as he’s such an effervescent bright boy I’d hate to see that change. Part of me just doesn’t ever want to send him back although I know that’s ridiculous. I’m hoping that he’ll start to make friends and that these boys don’t start to target him. It’s so true that it’s like having a part of your heart walking around outside your body - I would do anything to help him

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Original poster
theworstwife · 27/09/2019 22:06

Anyone? I could really do with some help

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Starlight456 · 27/09/2019 22:13

Yes it’s worth checking teacher knows everything . It is worth letting teacher know if he isn’t making friends.

At this point I would just invite s dozen kids not a whole class excluding 2 at this point.

My Ds was bit by a child in reception. I was told but not child’s name . I did speak to the mum. Years later my Ds doesn’t remember and they play together occasionally.

Original poster
theworstwife · 27/09/2019 22:30

I think it’s hard to just invite some of the class as he doesn’t know any of them or their names. I was hoping the party might help him make friends. I will speak to the teacher about the friends as well - I don’t know how much that is bothering him as he doesn’t mention feeling left out or sad. I think I’m going to find school hard as I have so little control over it

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eddiemairswife · 27/09/2019 22:38

Does he have any friends from nursery or playgroup you can invite to a small tea party at home?
When I was little we didn't have these huge 'all the class' parties. It was the same when my children were small.

MerryMarigold · 27/09/2019 22:43

How injured was he? Just that slamming his head into the tarmac is very emotive language which sounds little he'd have a pretty bad bruise or even open wound. And sounds like you've taken what he's said and exaggerated it (please don't say it to the teacher in that way).

You can't leave 2 children out. Other parents won't be impressed either. Ask the teacher who he plays with. If she says no one then that's worrying and they should be sorting it out by now.

Original poster
theworstwife · 27/09/2019 22:58

He has a large bump on the back of his head and a graze/cut on the side. I had to use a skin closure on part of the cut. He doesn’t upset easily so I do take it seriously when something bothers him. I haven’t exaggerated his words - that is how he described it. I’m not sure whether the teacher was minimising or genuinely wasn’t aware of what happened. I understand not inviting them seems bad and isn’t the right thing to do however I wouldn’t want someone near me who had physically hurt me

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Original poster
theworstwife · 27/09/2019 23:02

He does have friends from preschool that I could invite instead. Maybe that would be a better plan for him

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Quartz2208 · 27/09/2019 23:03

Did they ring you? I would be concerned they are not taking it seriously and would want ameeting

Original poster
theworstwife · 27/09/2019 23:13

They didn’t which I was surprised about once I’d heard what happened and found the bump. It sounds like the headteacher was involved with the children who had done it and they were made to apologise. I don’t know whether the teacher didn’t know the extent of what happened or if she just wasn’t interested in discussing it. My DS has now said he’s scared of going back to school Sad

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Original poster
theworstwife · 27/09/2019 23:15

Would you be worried about the friends stuff too? My DH is of the opinion that it will happen over time etc and I am probably over sensitive to it due to my own experiences.

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Bobbybobbins · 27/09/2019 23:18

I would speak to the teacher. I think they should be ringing you about a head bump.

I wouldn't uninvite the boys. Totally understand why you are upset though.

Original poster
theworstwife · 27/09/2019 23:25

I just can’t believe such young children would be so violent - where on earth do they get this behaviour from at 4? I may be just being naive but I didn’t think fighting would be an issue so early on.

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Throughabushbackwards · 27/09/2019 23:41

We had a similar situation OP. A boy with some quite profound SEN issues was repeatedly hurting our son, other children and teachers. It was kicking, punching, pushing and hitting with objects. The teachers constantly minimised the violence, exactly as you describe in your post. We were made to feel intolerant (of the SEN child) and overprotective when, in reality, the school had no effective means of dealing with the situation and our lovely boy was constantly being hurt.

I started emailing the teacher, and would cc the Head, every time our DS came home hurt. I would ask DS to describe what happened and would write it down word for word. I ended up escalating it to County level, sending them a complication of all of my email complaints which I think had some effect as, after almost a year of issues, they sent in some help.

SparklyMagpie · 27/09/2019 23:43

So did the teacher just pass this on, was there an accident form or anything?

I wouldn't be happy about this and would definitely need to go over the details again

Original poster
theworstwife · 27/09/2019 23:50

So sorry to hear about your experience @Throughabushbackwards - It did seem like she was saying we have reprimanded the children so don’t ask anything else. There was no accident form which was odd as he had one this week for cutting his finger on the tape dispenser. She came across as v dismissive and hurried - trying to gloss over it and get back into her classroom.

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Pumpkintopf · 27/09/2019 23:54

It certainly sounds like the teacher was trying to gloss over this issue. I'd be seeing the HT on Monday to explain that your son is now worried about coming in to school, and to ask what action has been taken to ensure these children understand that their behaviour is unacceptable. I'd also want it recorded somewhere- accident book or incident report- and I'd want a copy.

Original poster
theworstwife · 28/09/2019 00:05

Good advice @Pumpkintopf - other than it being less hassle I don’t understand why she would try and minimise it. At nursery there were the occasional biters and if DS was bitten there was always incident forms and plans were discussed about preventing further problems. I really really hope this is a one off as my faith in her ability to communicate effectively and safeguard DS is dwindling

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BlankTimes · 28/09/2019 01:29

I don’t understand why she would try and minimise it
Some teachers do, some schools have a gloss-over anything uncomfortable ethos, my dd's primary was like that, minimised everything. Similar schools also treat every incidence of your child being hurt as a complete one-off, unrelated to anything else, so they never acknowledge a pattern of sustained bullying or nasty behaviour towards one child.

You need to create a paper trail, every time you report something to school, make sure you also email it.
If school ring and promise action, email, refer to the phone conversation and say you are looking forward to seeing the results of

Email and tell them your son is now afraid to go to school. Ask them directly how they intend to keep him safe and let him know school is a safe place to be. Is their safeguarding policy on their website, if so quote any relevant bits from it.

Unfortunately, you're not allowed to ask about the kids that did it or find out details of any punishment they may have had, your focus has to be only on your own child.

tararabumdeay · 28/09/2019 01:45

scurry back into her classroom as quickly as possible.

Original poster
theworstwife · 28/09/2019 08:15

I will speak to them then follow it up with an email. DS seems brighter today thankfully.

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Original poster
theworstwife · 28/09/2019 08:57

The more I think about how the teacher dealt with this the more annoyed I am. I appreciate her reticence to enter into prolonged discussions with parents after school - for some they will always want more from her but with what happened she was so rushed and unconcerned.

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MerryMarigold · 30/09/2019 08:09

If the Head dealt with it, I'd soak to the Head. Make an appointment to see him/ her and in the meantime chase up the accident/ incident form with the teacher. Our school don't do forms but trying with the slightest head injury. However, if he had a form for something else this is clearly a policy and I don't understand why you didn't get one. The teacher could have minimised for many reasons, but I think it's clear she did minimise so is be taking it a bit higher.

MerryMarigold · 30/09/2019 08:10

Also I would worry about the friends and would make a separate appointment to discuss this and how school plans to help him. He doesn't need best friends right now but should not be playing alone.