DS hurt at school

[theworstwife]

Sorry this is long, I don't have anyone really to talk to about this in real life. My son is 4 and has just started reception 3 weeks ago. He has been getting on really well. He is normally a very confident boy but has found this a bit more difficult as most of the children in his class went to the same preschool and are all still playing together - I think he is playing on his own but says he doesn't mind this. We talked about how to make friends etc.

Anyway today at pick up his teacher mentions another boy in his class has intentionally bumped DS's head on the playground. She says he has been spoken to and that was it. It transpires from my son another child told this boy to have a fight with my DS and he then repeatedly slammed his head into the playground. He cried and the boys ran off. He is obviously upset and has been tearful until bedtime. I feel awful that this has happened to him and I wasn't there to protect him. I feel the teacher really minimised what happened and just wanted to scurry back into her classroom as quickly as possible. I am going to talk to the teacher on Monday to check she is fully aware of the circumstances and to keep an eye on this other child. It disturbs me that 4 year olds can be like this - my son has always been a kind and gentle boy as have his friends.

My DS is also having a 5th birthday party - he is really keen to do this even though he doesn't really know anyone. However today he says he doesn't want to invite these two boys. I completely understand this but don't want to be that parent excluding 2 boys out of the whole class - it seems a bad way to start and this incident may be a one off.

I know I'm been over sensitive - I'm struggling a bit anyway with a 5 month old and post natal anxiety, my mum has terminal cancer and I was bullied and excluded myself for years at school and know how painful it is and how that damage lasts and erodes your self esteem.

I'm not going to go into school all guns blazing but I want to know what to do to try and protect my son. What sort of 4 year olds are having fights and slamming others heads into the floor? Also I want some advice about what to do with the party.

@Russell19 yes he definitely thinks he is the centre of everything! Headteacher was very good today - v balanced. Elaborate story today about a ball and playing with someone called ‘tiny j’ so that’s a positive. I wonder what he’s really called?

Glad to hear your son had a better day today op.

Did you hear the mother actually say that or was that second hand information?

My ds started school without any preschool friends. He really struggled the first term, he is very shy (in public) I didn’t hear how tough he found it until he broke down before midterm saying he had played alone for 6 weeks 💔
I wouldn’t worry about his party, could you do something as a family this year? And then hopefully next year you can do a class party?
I think it’s great how you are role playing with him that will help him so much
Best of luck ☘️

I heard the mother as I was stood waiting for him to come out - some people are genuinely deluded! He is so insistent he wants a party - I’m trying to put something together with preschool friends and other kids we know so he still gets a party without needing to invite school children yet. Sorry to hear about your DS - this is part of my worry that he isn’t telling me everything and it will all spill out at some point

Sorry you have had such a poor start. It is difficult for a teacher when they haven't actually seen the incident or the immediate aftermath themselves. Accident reports would be at school office not with the teacher I would think.

On the party front I would go for a small party comprised of the nicer children / children of the nicer parents from the school.

At a big party people may stick with their existing friends. A party of 8-10 children (boys and girls) with party games will be more likely to get them mixing. You can easily do this with kids from his class and avoid the 2 you need to without it looking bad.

Socialising out of school in yR is a lot more to do with who the parents get on with than the children, and it can help friendships.