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Original poster

Am I overreacting about my relationship with my in-laws?

51 replies

Kiki92 · 27/09/2019 08:38

Since my partner and I broke up (he walked out never to be seen again 6 months ago) my in-laws and I have remained close. I see them fortnightly with DS (16months). I thought we got along. I thought things were fine. I wanted to maintain a strong relationship with them for my son's sake.

Now, all of a sudden they're being really frosty. It started a couple of months ago. EX-FIL was snappy with me during our meet up and everytime I spoke I was cut off, spoken over, or literally ignored. I just ended up sitting in silence trying my hardest not to cry. This has happened during every meet up since.

We're due to meet up on this coming weekend, so I messaged with a suggestion of what to do, (pumpkin picking, lunch out, and time at the petting farm for my son). They agreed and very bluntly gave me a time to drop my son off. So, I'm assuming that I'm not even invited this time. I work, so my weekend time with DS is sacred to me and he likes having me around when we see family.

I don't know what I've done! I try my hardest with them. Perhaps my ex is filling their heads with rubbish? Or perhaps they've just never liked me. I don't know. I'm just really hurting over this.

How shall I handle this? What would you do? Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

QueenofallIsee · 27/09/2019 08:41

Don’t go! No bloody way would I facilitate access for rude, angry people. Stop it now before they get their claws in to your son.

Original poster

Kiki92 · 27/09/2019 08:42

Also, I realised this morning that they've removed me from their social media accounts, which seems odd as I only really share photos of DS on there?!?

OP posts:

Lagatha · 27/09/2019 08:42

I'd try talking to them, ask why their attitude has changed.
Depending on their response stop meeting up with them.

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Shmithecat2 · 27/09/2019 08:43

Why don't you just ask them what the problem is?

flamingjune123 · 27/09/2019 08:44

Bet you anything ex has started a new relationship.

Bluntness100 · 27/09/2019 08:45

Suspect he is involved with someone else, or they are cutting contact with you for their sake. I doubt it's about uou, it's about him.

Bluntness100 · 27/09/2019 08:45

For his sake sorry.

saraclara · 27/09/2019 08:45

I think you just have to ask them. And no, they don't get to assume that your child will be left with them without you.

Shmithecat2 · 27/09/2019 08:45

Agree with @Bluntness100, that had crossed my mind as well....

Hidingtonothing · 27/09/2019 08:48

I would ask them, whatever their issue they're being extremely short sighted considering you don't have to facilitate their contact with your son. You are not obligated to let them see him if they can't even be civil/pleasant to you.

MaudebeGonne · 27/09/2019 08:48

Just message them and say you have noticed a change in their behaviour towards you and that you don't feel comfortable leaving your child with them until it is resolved.

nespressowoo · 27/09/2019 08:52

Does your son see his father? If not, i wouldn't bend over backwards for the grandparents to see him seeing how they've treated you.

user1493413286 · 27/09/2019 08:59

I would talk to them but please don’t stop their contact. It’s horrible for your son that his dad has just walked out so it’s important that some paternal family contact is maintained.
I think it’s fair enough if they’d rather just see your son by himself but this isn’t the way to approach it and as weekends are your only time with your son they need to accept that if you’re not involved then they won’t get to see him so much, every month or 6 weeks would be perfectly fair.

MrsMozartMkII · 27/09/2019 09:05

Ask them.

Whilst I'm all for keeping the relationship between child and grandparents going where possible, I wouldn't be facilitating meetings until I knew what the heck was up with them. This weekend I'd take my son and go and do something nice.

salmonrose · 27/09/2019 09:05

Stop going for a while. They need to learn that if they want you to come over with DC they need to be nice.

mankyfourthtoe · 27/09/2019 09:10

I'd send them a message asking what's changed as before you were both happy in their company but recently there is an atmosphere.
And then cancel

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead · 27/09/2019 09:14

Agree with everyone else - ask them why the change in attitude and don't see them again if they're not apologetic and change their ways.

Are they angling for contact alone that they could then use as evidence for a proper court ordered contact time? I've no idea if this is possible but it would be a concern id have and for that reason alone I'd cut off contact with them.

cheesewitheverything · 27/09/2019 09:16

Totally agree with pp - get out of this next arrangement with an excuse. You don't need to explain or say anything, just say that you can't do it. See what they do then. You've have been far too nice about this whole thing so far, so time to do what you want for a change.

Ohbuggerlugs · 27/09/2019 09:20

After how the child’s father has treated you there would be no way my child would be left with his parents without me. How dare they speak to you like that and treat you in such away? Sounds like they were testing the waters - seen you to be soft, and now they’re blatantly taking the piss. You need to grow a back bone. They’re shameful.

Bluntness100 · 27/09/2019 09:27

Just message them and say you have noticed a change in their behaviour towards you and that you don't feel comfortable leaving your child with them until it is resolved

Please don't do this. Your son is not a weapon. And it's in his favour that he maintains a relationship with his fathers side of the family.

EL2019 · 27/09/2019 09:46

And it's in his favour that he maintains a relationship with his fathers side of the family.

The father is welcome to facilitate that in his contact time. If they want the OP to do it, then they have the option of not treating her like shit.

Bluntness100 · 27/09/2019 09:51

The father has gone awol. Just because he's a piece of shit then it doesn't Mean the op gets to be the same. Unless the grandparents mistreat the kid then yes permitting and facilitating a relarionship is good for the child. Not cutting all contact.

The op needs to sort her issues out without using her kid as a weapon to get included. That's not ok. You always put the kid first.

brassbrass · 27/09/2019 09:57

So father walked clean out of his 10 month old son's life, you facilitated contact with his parents for 6 months after that and now they're treating you like shit?

No you're not overreacting!! What do they have to say about how their son has behaved towards his child?

I wouldn't be making any effort unless they were being 100% civilised. Challenge their hostility towards you. You owe them nothing at all.

EL2019 · 27/09/2019 10:02

It’s also damaging for children to see their parent mistreated, or spoken about badly. If they can’t be civil to OPs face, then who knows what they’re saying to child about her when she’s not there. Hardly going to be saying nice supportive things are they?
I had family that were rude about my mother and it is horrible as a child to listen to snide remarks and not be able to say anything.

OPs in-laws should be bending over backwards to keep OP on side.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 27/09/2019 10:11

Yep ex will have a new girlfriend so you are no longer required.
Fuck them. Your son does not need to watch you being treated like shit.

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