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Original poster

Baby Groups

13 replies

Kjelj · 10/09/2019 16:04

I'm 22 (and look young for my age) and a single mum to my 12 week old. I went to a baby class for the first time today and nearly everyone there was over 30 and presumably married or has a boyfriend.

At this point I'm really worried about going back as I just don't fit in. Am i being silly? Im scared about being asked about my situation as i dont want to be judged. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

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stucknoue · 10/09/2019 16:24

I was the youngest at mine (25) but wasn't single, it was a bit weird as most were getting on for 40! By week. 3 it was easier

Sunny1990 · 10/09/2019 19:28

If you enjoyed it you should definitely go back! I’ve found that different groups seem to attract different sorts of people too, so maybe if you try a few different ones you’ll find your people :)

SerenavanderWoodson · 10/09/2019 19:31

I’ve been the youngest at lots of drop ins and over time have realised that no one is judging - you’re all there for the same reasons - your babies! I’ve made really unlikely friends through mine that I wouldn’t have met if it wasn’t for our babies.
As PP says - different groups attract different people, so you could always try another one

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LinoleumBlownapart · 10/09/2019 19:41

I was one of the youngest (25) one mum was 22 and the rest were 30+, it took time to pluck up the courage to go. I'm still friends with a lot of them. People do come from all walks of life and now I'm in my 40's I realise that my age didn't matter. Many might be on their 3rd or 4th baby and were once in your shoes.

MuchTooTired · 10/09/2019 19:49

I haven’t been in your position, but as someone who’s over 30 I wouldn’t judge you, ask your age, or personal circumstances because that’s rude, and none of my business! I’d be delighted if I felt like I could possibly make friends with someone who didn’t make me feel like I was being judged and gawked at becuase I have twins.

Some groups are just judgy though, so if this one isn’t for you try a different one. I have yet to follow my own advice though!

SmartPlay · 10/09/2019 20:25

Unless it's a group full of judgemental bitches, there is no reason not to go, just because of a difference in age. I had my daughter at 21 which was very young compared to the "type of people" I mainly surrounded myself with, but this has never been an issue. My son was born 12 years later and now I am often the "old one", and that isn't an issue either.

surreygirl1987 · 10/09/2019 21:55

I'm 32 and often feel like one of the youngest... everyone seems so much more groen up than me and takes everything so seriously. I'd much rather hang out with someone young like you so don't worry!

raskolnikova · 10/09/2019 22:07

I'm almost 30 and I haven't been to any baby groups because I'm also afraid of not being able to fit in (and my baby is 9 months old). I'm single, living with my parents, I'm poor and probably have depression.

LinoleumBlownapart · 10/09/2019 23:36

The thing about baby groups is that some people talk loudly, they might talk about their great lives. No one talks about bad stuff in large groups. Others go silent and believe that the one loud person with the perfect life reflects the experience of the whole group. It's never the case, probably isn't even the loud person's truth. As kids get older people seem more willing to talk about how shit things can be, either because the kids will show you up if you lie or you've just realised you can't pretend anymore. When you have a baby there's an unrealistic assumption that you have to have your shit completely together and be a wonder mum. Which unfortunately makes many people feel they do not fit in, so they don't go.

Kiki92 · 11/09/2019 07:42

I was the youngest at mine (26) and a single mother also. I couldn't believe it to be honest. I thought 26 was a reasonable age to have a child, yet I often felt so immature and unaccomplished in comparison. They'd arrive in their range rovers, sometimes with their husbands in tow, and I'd be there alone.

My advice is this however: if your child enjoys these classes, still attend. Try your hardest not to compare yourself, and PLEASE savour these early days. It's not a lie when people say that they fly by... I felt like a only had a newborn a couple of months ago and now I have this huge, independent toddler!

Kiki92 · 11/09/2019 07:43

Please just pretend that my post made sense. I'm so tired. Hahah.

sadlycindy · 12/09/2019 13:58

I'm an older mum at 39 and I actually feel intimidated by the younger mums, I feel like they are judging me for being old. I would never judge someone younger, and if I thought they looked a bit lost I'd try and include them. Maybe you need to find another baby group. Have you got mush?

surreygirl1987 · 12/09/2019 21:16

Ooh yes! The Mush app! And Peanut! And maybè you could go to these baby groups with someone else (maybe someone you meet from the app!)! I was always much more confident if I felt like I knew a friendly face :)

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