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Original poster

How to handle this delicate issue re friend's DD?

85 replies

vannah · 06/08/2007 15:17

So confused and unsure how to handle this. My DS (nearly 2) and I, and also my husband for that matter, all find it very alarming when our friends DD (same age) screams. Which she does every 30 seconds. Its astoundingly loud. And the mum, (my good friend) is very liberal and doesnt really say anything to the child. Ive noticed other people noticing it too. Worst of all, my DS absolutely HATES her, and attacks her every minute that we are together. Im pregnant and finding this very hard to deal with.

I dont think I have the courage to say anything to my friend. She is very sensitive and is often falling out with other mums and I dont want to lose her friendship, she is such a lovely person.

My husband says I should just avoid her, but Im sick of making excuses and would actually like to be with her. I just think my DS (who has a tendency to be aggressive with other children) is exceptionally aggravated by this child and the mother's refusal to deal with it is frustrating. I spend all my time scolding my DS whilst she does nothing to stop her dd from screeching.

Once again, its VERY loud.

thankyou for any advice

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

nailpolish · 06/08/2007 15:48

id rather have poo than mucus from a suction tube, mind you

nailpolish · 06/08/2007 15:49

theres a moose loose aboot this hoose

dissle · 06/08/2007 15:49

teaching nurses and Drs about medical devices..of which we have bloody hundreds. Its fab.
Are you back in nursing then np?

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expatinscotland · 06/08/2007 15:49

[Imagines OP with timer in hand, 'Yep, that's your 2nd screech in a minute. Time for you to be attacked.' ]

And screech. And attack. Repeat.

HectorsHouse · 06/08/2007 15:50

what's with the mouse talk .. has hunker been up to stuff again

I also think that parents of DS PFBs don't understand the noise level that parents of DD PFBs feel is normal

expatinscotland · 06/08/2007 15:50

EEwww, mucus.

The worst is bone marrow. I saw my surgeon's hands once whilst he was workign on my leg, and I said, 'What's that?' 'Oh, it's just a little bone marrow.'

'Can I have more sedative please, Mr Anaesthetist?'

HectorsHouse · 06/08/2007 15:50

I can't stand screechy children either .. annoying little brats!

HectorsHouse · 06/08/2007 15:51

expatinscotland · 06/08/2007 15:51

Breeders in general are just annoying fat cows and crybaby women.

nailpolish · 06/08/2007 15:52

yes im back in nursing, working nightshift really suits me, you know, im living back in Edinburgh too

ach its not so bad!

BrianOffTheRack · 06/08/2007 15:52

What about earplugs for vannah's ds and a shield for her pal's dd?

dissle · 06/08/2007 15:54

so have you just got up, or were you off lats night np?
How do you sleep in the day with your dc?

nailpolish · 06/08/2007 15:55

i jsut do weekends just now

next wk dd1 starts shcool and dd2 starts nursery 2 days a wk so i will work the nights before she goes to nursery

yeeha!

dissle · 06/08/2007 15:57

It calls you back in the end, i dont think that i could do anything else you know.

Would you consider ICU again?

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 06/08/2007 16:00

ok doubt a wind up as has a convo (20th july) about her ds's violent tendancies.

i would say deal with your ds, and her at the same time maybe your friend will catch on.

i.e. 'ds that wasnt nice to snatch/hit/kick' 'friends dd, ds doesnt like it when you make that noise that's why he hit/kicked/snatched, he was very naughty, but maybe if you keep the noise down he wont do it again'

non?!

nailpolish · 06/08/2007 16:02

your new job sounds great! do you do 9-5? it must feel slightly strange..

seriously, well done

i know what you mean, the only things ive ever done are nursing and pulling pints

nailpolish · 06/08/2007 16:03

i do most of myu bank shifts in ICU or Renal HDU/dialysis. th occasional medical ward to remind myself NOT to moan aobut working in HDU

dissle · 06/08/2007 16:04

i choose my hours!!!!!
I KNOW!!!!!! in the NHS and i choose my hours!
I specified my hours before accepting the job as i need to pick ds up from school...they jsut agreed so now i do 2 short days then a long day once a week.
its great BUT i feel VERY VERY VERY guilty about it having always worked shifts with no leaway at all.

dissle · 06/08/2007 16:06

dont start till 9.30 on an early! how strange is that!

you are keeping you critical care skills up with iCU/HDU banking then. would be a shame not to eh.

HectorsHouse · 06/08/2007 16:07

OK .. have just re-read the OP and think I read it wrong the first time as I assumed this was just a child who has violent outbursts and a child who screeches for no reason

you say that your 2 year old doesn't like this girl and "attacks her every minute that we are together"

which begs the question - why are you getting these children together?

(have to say if it was just a child who screeches for no reason my previous comments stand)

nailpolish · 06/08/2007 16:10

oh tahts nice you get to collect ds.
how is he? does he like school? i cant WAIT for dd1 to start school. she is going to love it. i always knew yu would do something else onward from the wards. clever old you, eh?!

Bluestocking · 06/08/2007 16:11

Hi XPT!! Wt ds bn mrrw lk lik?

iMum · 06/08/2007 16:14

My ds now 5 went through a hitting stage at about 2- at the time i was living in Germany and the only English lady I knew had a son the same age well 6 months older. both boys used to rub each other up the wrong way, her ds would take toys (as toddlers do) and my ds would retaliate with a hit. Now I would be watching and waiting to hopefull in time stop the hit mid air or if to late tell ds off. However my friend never picked her ds up on his behaviour. I found this time very hard to deal with i knew that my ds was a lovely caring and kind boy who was going through a phase, he did grow out of it within 9 months. Having now moved back to the UK my friendship hasnt lasted-I think ultimatly it is very hard (not imposible) to maintain a friendship with someone who parents in a way that you feel doesnt complement your own parenting style.
Im sure your Ds will grow out of this hitting phase as will your friends dd and her screeching. Good luck with it all.

JeremyVile · 06/08/2007 16:18

If Vannah is genuine and this is a genuine post.....

Its good that you are trying to adress your DSs aggression but its clearly not working - my DS is not at the ahressive stage yet so i cant suggest anything.

Your friends DD is not doing anything wrong, screechy children are very annoying but its probably just a stage and she obviously enoys it.

I think that if your DS really does 'hate' this girl then theres no point in bringing them together, for all we know she may be screeching because she is anxious around your son.

I just think you have it all back to front, you want advice on how to get your friend to rectify her DDs behaviour but you have not been able to rectify your DSs.

She may not react well to you pointing out the screeching when she probably feels that you DSs behaviour is a far more pressing issue.

HectorsHouse · 06/08/2007 16:20

I think if you search on the OP's name you can be almost convinced that this is a genuine problem

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