Hardly anybody RSVP'd to invite daughter's birthday party

[Patty79]

I'm having a birthday party a week today for my daughter's 6th birthday. I've invited all her class, 19 in total. The invites were sent out on 21st June as we went on holiday the following day and the kids weren't at school for the last two weeks before start of the summer holidays (we live in Scotland). I stated on invites to RSVP by today 28th and so far I've had 3 coming and 2 not able to make it. I understand that it's the summer hols etc but it frustrates me that people don't reply. I've resorted to inviting some of her big sisters friends to make up some numbers. I've booked an inflatable assault course at local leisure centre and arranged for local cafe to do a kids buffet. I've ordered sweetie scones and big bubble wands today as favours and I've ordered extra incase some kids turn up who's parents haven't bothered to reply. I thought at one point about cancelling the party but it would break my wee girls heart. I've been tempted to put a vent on Facebook about parents not replying. I texted one of the school mums yesterday asking if she knew some of those who hadn't replied and if she could get in touch with them which she has done but still no replies. What's everyone's thoughts on this and what is the current etiquette with parties? I've only ever had one party before for my eldest six years ago and had a couple of kids turn up who's parents hadn't replied. Do people just not bother to reply then turn up?

I think these days people are a lot more... erm... 'relaxed' about replying than they were 10, 15, 20 years ago, but even back then, it was never a good idea to book a party in the school holidays - even more so when the invitations went out such a long time ago. Even if people are around, they tend to lose track of what day it is.

That must be so frustrating. I’m sure there are one or perhaps two fanalies that have valid excuses but on the whole it is just rude not to rsvp. It’s a two min job

I’m in Scotland and one of mine have an end of July birthday and tbh we’ve never had a party then as few people remember the invite or turn up, we always waited until school goes back mid August and just had a day out on the day of birthday.

You have my sympathies because this was us in January for my son's 6th Birthday, and it is infuriating. In the end I catered for everyone we had invited and hoped for the best- not ideal, but I wasn't sure what else to do. We had some people who RSVPd (including one who text at 10pm the night before the party to say that her daughter would be coming!) and then never showed up, some people who showed up and hadn't RSVPd. It was a bit of a nightmare! I was also told at the time that you shouldn't arrange parties in school holidays, especially the Christmas break, and I get it, but waiting until a more 'apropriate' time of year feels unfair because that's not their birthday!

Firstly, don’t vent on social media. You will just be publicly humiliating both yourself, but more importantly, your daughter.

Are any of the non-replying children actual friends of your daughter’s as opposed to just random classmates? If so, I would contact their parents individually. The rest, I wouldn’t bother with.

You’ve got two problems here.

Firstly, the invitations went out too long before an event during the summer holidays. At the time of receiving the invitation, people’s plans wouldn’t be fixed, so they couldn’t say yes or no immediately, then as it got closer, it will have slipped their minds.

Secondly, a whole class party won’t be a priority event during the summer holidays when there are lots of other possible entertainments. Your child’s friends will be keen to go, but the children who she has nothing to do with at school won’t be that bothered, if they have other things to do.

My advice is to forget about whole class parties in the summer holidays, and just invite your daughter’s actual friends in future.

My dc have always rather liked having 2, or even 3 birthdays though bumblebee - the actual day (with presents from us and perhaps candles in a cake); then the nearest weekend when we use to have a little tea party with Grandparents / my sister and her family; then the party with schoolfriends, outside of the school holidays.

What's not to like about having additional celebrations ?

Summer parties are non starters. My son has a summer birthday and I always had parties several weeks before while school still in session otherwise most couldn’t come.
Ive also always had to chase people up. Were the invites handed to the kids? They might still be lurking in the bottom of their book bags! Or got lost or never made it into book bags. Is there a class list with contact details?

It is terrible, especially when there is number requirements, that there is people that do NOT rsvp either aye or nay. Had this headache more than once and really dislike the birthday stress, but still do it for dcs sake so have sympathy dcs birthday is during term time so not just holidays this is an issue. For summer birthdays, try to plan it before school finishes or just as school starts up again. DC is invited to a bd just after school start which is something extra for dc to look forward to.

My ds1 has an August birthday, we don’t invite any school friends at all. Just family friends, cousins and friends from a social group we go to that still runs in the holidays.
It’s just not worth the risk of people not turning up.

I've had the same problems with parties over the past couple of years. I'm careful with timings, dont give too long to RSVP, etc. Still happens. I gave out follow-up notes to those I hadn't heard from (don't have class lists of parental contacts) the week before, still nothing. I even had a note from a parent, along with a gift card present, weeks after the party, in which she apologized for being one of those parents, while finding it rude and annoying when it happens to her. I appreciated it, she'd been prompted by finding the second invitation/reminder in her DC bag, and presumably had an attack of the guilts .

I just think too many ppl don't even think about being polite if there's no comeback for them either way, and prefer to keep their options open as long as possible. It's very frustrating.

My DC was born in the summer, when he turned 5 we invited all the class to his party. I had replies from most of them and a few didn't bother.

This year he turned 10, we invited 8 friends from class. I had to chase most of the parents to ask as some still hadn't replied the week before the party, I had one say her child would love to come then never attended, and two other didn't respond or turn up.
I definitely think people responded more years ago.

Also to a PP, schools cannot hand out contact details of parents at all. We can't even have a list of my sons class mates for Xmas card list because of new GDPR law.

It's annoying but really common unfortunately. I always got lots of replies the night before the party with an excuse as to why they were so late replying 🙄 and some just never replied but still turned up.

Very common, very rude and very annoying. I usually state on our invites that we cannot cater to anyone who turns up without RSVPing on the given date, as we need to make bookings, party bags etc. Have done so twice this year already for two of our children and everyone responded on time.

Guess me and my daughter have learnt the hard way not to have a party in the summer holidays. Just difficult to explain to her and for her to understand why people aren't coming. My youngest who is 11months has her birthday two day later so at least I know not to make the same mistake with her when she has a big party when older. I've invited some of her big sister's friends and my husband's best mate's two boys so that's upped the numbers a bit. My daughter's main friends from school are coming so I guess that's more important. Quality not quantity as they say ☺️

I've had one class party for my ds. It was a revelation - turns out he isn't a popular boy, as literally had 3 acceptances before I asked every single parent at the school gate and managed about 3 more. I don't think it helped that the parents were in cliques and I was an outsider. I ended up inviting people outside of school, childminder mindees etc and swore never to do it again and moved onto outtings with a couple of mates instead. It was so stressful and upsetting. Fingers x for your dd!

We set up a class whatsapp group in year 1 as parties and keeping track of school stuff was a bit of a mare. Saved effort for all the parents, it's been fab. It is useful when you send a paper invite, we follow up with a whatsapp (or make a new group as no class parties as they get older) and then everyone can rsvp much more easily. You still have to chase but it seems to work. Would that help you? You said you didn't have contacts for the other parents so you could perhaps sort this for your daughter's class if everyone is game?

My DS has his birthday in the summer holidays and it's the same for me.
I got 2 out of an entire class invite this year. Last year, a little better.
I normally make up the numbers with the kids of my friends.
I also get lots of people not bothering to rsvp although the same is true for his sister who gets a much bigger turn out.
These days, it seems like the RSVPs only give you a ball park figure. It could be plus or minus up to 5 on the day. It pisses me off but it is what it is.
I love throwing kids parties and I don't think it matters at all if turn out is low. Here's my top summer holiday party tips:
1.Throw the invites out wide. Invite everyone he knows. Cousins, Friends out of school etc. Allow guests to bring siblings. You've done the right thing inviting his sisters friends.
I find that the biggest determinant of whether people come is how well the parents know me.

1. I do a community centre thing with cheap party food, inflatable and DIY games. I keep the party bag stuff really cheap. That way, the cost is broadly the same regardless of numbers. I have a stash of left over party bag tat at home so I can make up emergency bags if needed.

Oh yeah, and don't vent on social media. But do post a cheery reminder that the party is on and you hope to see people. A reminder always helps.

I very rarely reply to invites and when I do its at the last minute and only if the kids can make it. I just forget everything, even if I put it on the fridge to remind me.

OP I'm in the same boat! My DD is only turning 4. She thinks her entire preschool class is coming to a party next weekend even though I've repeatedly told her lots of people are on holiday and it might only be a couple of friends. We invited the whole class a couple of weeks before the end of term. I've only had 2 replies from people saying they're on holiday. I'm really angry about it myself. I do have a few children who's parents I'm friends with who I know are coming but we're going to have to scale it all back. But then what do you do if they just turn up?! So stressful and very unfair. I can't imagine not replying to an invitation.

This is our first time we've done her a party, reading the responses you've had it looks like it's par for the course and we'll do her party in July in future.

Really hope it works out for you and DD. I keep reminding myself that even if DD has a few friends round for cake and pass the parcel she will be happy x

such a shame but im going to buck the trend here and say its a sign of the times.
i have big age gaps between my kids so my eldest was having summer parties 15 or so years ago .
I relaly think pwople have become more selfish in terms of " waiting to see"

Summer birthday parties are tough, we had a similar problem. Ended with Ds August birthday being just the children where I knew the parents personally, ended up with 6 children from school. After that year we moved it to once school was back in session.

I feel sorry for your daughter. Maybe the timing isn't ideal as PP have mentioned, but it's still rude and selfish not to reply.

I wouldn't blame the parents - you have asked a lot for people to commit to.
Five weeks ago I would not have known what I was doing next Sunday and, tbh my initial thoughts on getting the invite so far out would be that i would be very reluctant to commit to tieing up a potentially sunny Sunday in the holidays when friends might to visit/ family outing/ visit friends. The festival is on in Edinburgh too.
I would have mentally thought that I would wait till nearer the time to see if we were free but then, life being life, may have forgotten/ lost track of days/ lost invite - none of which done with the intention to upset you.
I would do as you are doing to bolster the numbers, but don't get angry with the other parents - you are only seeing it through your lens reasonableness.

Don you have email addresses/phone numbers for them?

Send a message, “Hi, I’m finalising numbers for Sarah’s party. Please can you let me know if Charlotte can come. Cheers.”

Somehow, naming their child seems to spur people into action.