Hardly anybody RSVP'd to invite daughter's birthday party

[Patty79]

I'm having a birthday party a week today for my daughter's 6th birthday. I've invited all her class, 19 in total. The invites were sent out on 21st June as we went on holiday the following day and the kids weren't at school for the last two weeks before start of the summer holidays (we live in Scotland). I stated on invites to RSVP by today 28th and so far I've had 3 coming and 2 not able to make it. I understand that it's the summer hols etc but it frustrates me that people don't reply. I've resorted to inviting some of her big sisters friends to make up some numbers. I've booked an inflatable assault course at local leisure centre and arranged for local cafe to do a kids buffet. I've ordered sweetie scones and big bubble wands today as favours and I've ordered extra incase some kids turn up who's parents haven't bothered to reply. I thought at one point about cancelling the party but it would break my wee girls heart. I've been tempted to put a vent on Facebook about parents not replying. I texted one of the school mums yesterday asking if she knew some of those who hadn't replied and if she could get in touch with them which she has done but still no replies. What's everyone's thoughts on this and what is the current etiquette with parties? I've only ever had one party before for my eldest six years ago and had a couple of kids turn up who's parents hadn't replied. Do people just not bother to reply then turn up?

You sent the invites way too far in advance and it's the summer holidays.
Yes it's rude not to reply and put it in the calendar straight away if you accept but people are human - they forget and unless your DD is at school chattering about her party her friends will have forgotten about it too.
Next time do a smaller group and make sure you have phone or social media contact details for all the parents - also hold it before the end of term.

Have you got a class Facebook group? If you've invited the whole class then you could pop a cheery note on there...?

"Hi all, I know I gave our invitations for DD's party ages ago but there's still lots of people I haven't heard from. I'm guessing lots of you are on holiday! If you're around and can make it, please let me know, DD is panicking! 😁"

Why cant you just ask them on social media???

Honestly I think this is just because it’s the summer holidays and it’s so unlikely to be anything more than that. My OH is a summer birthday and he’s never had a proper party in his life because of this!

God people are rude bastards aren’t they? If someone’s offering to feed and entertain my child for a few hours I’m bloody appreciative! I’ve never ignored an invite like that, always responded within a few days. My DC love parties and would want to prioritise that over future plans anyway. Annoyingly not everyone thinks the same though! It drives me mad every year.

I work in a school and am amazed at how many parents don't look in or empty their child's book bag. It's very common for us to go to put something in a book bag only to find it bulging with unread letters from school, out of date flyers, sweets given out on birthdays and party invitations. Your invitations are probably languishing in bookbags, unread.

Leggyfrog op didn't ask for commitments 5 weeks ago, she asked for them by yesterday for a party that is next week. Seems reasonable to me. Its highly selfish to hang on and see if you get a better offer. If you don't know whether you can commit by the rsvp date then surely you should just decline?

I only ever did one whole class party for my youngest dc.
After that it was 7/8 children at home ,and I spoke to the parents/ texted them to invite .plus it was all parents I knew .
I think people are rude ,I think they leave it as long as possible to reply Incase something better came up.
Especially if they have to stay at the party with their child.
Very early on my son started refusing to go to pony/frozen/pink parties.
One of them was a frozen sing along party for the whole class of 5 year olds.the boys were just running round causing mayhem.
If everyone in the class is doing whole class parties ,that’s 30 over a year ,which is a huge amount of your free time .
I love a party ,but each time we got another invite I’d be thinking .oh no.
We stopped going to any girl parties fairly early on ,and the boys parties he starting refusing by year 1....
Your with these people all week ,not everyone wants to see their school friends every weekend too...

I suspect the invites have gone in schoolbags and won't be found until the night before they return to school....I now clear bags out when they break up after several nasty fruit incidents....

Yep, if they're on Facebook, just put up a cheery post about how you're looking forward to the party, and if anyone's not responded yet, to let you know. Don't sound remotely arsey or people who were coming might not.

Sorry I didn’t give an advice did I? I just waffled on
I think if you are face book friends,Id send a message individually to each parent
Hi don’t know if you go the invite or not
Party for ....on ....date.
Nice and cheery ,hope you can come kind of thing.
You might get more replies that way
Good luck xxx

We had this with out DDs 4th birthday. Invited around 20 kids from her nursery to come, and around 5 RSVP’d. So we bulked out with children of friends from church (for who we were originally planning a separate event), after having booked bouncy castles, freezer stocked with food, decorations etc etc. Then a few days before DW was venting to one of the mum’s who had RSVP’d and she said “oh people will just turn up on the day.” We ended up with nearly 40 adults and around 45 children all in our house at the same time. It was ok in the end, but it was also carnage for a few hours there (when it rained and everyone had to come inside).

I think it’s really shitty behaviour and wish people would just RSVP. It’s a fucking text! Takes 3 seconds! Yes, little billy would love to come, see you there. FFS.

Yeah, combination of things:

• summer hols= people are away
• invites lurking at bottom of school bags
• whole class party instead of just friends = lots of kids/parents who cannot be bothered

You live and learn

The minute I read yoiyr OP I knew it would be a whole class party f o r a six year old!

Been there, done that, don't get cross, get your DD friends parents phone numbers for future reference. Still have DS (16)'s friends parents numbers, as a hangover from this time (handy for organising lifts etc)

Fwiw social media rants never made anyone want to come to a party

My daughter was invited to a party recently, the mum already had my phone number and she added people to a WhatsApp party group and reminded everyone about the party as it was in the holiday. It was a good idea - but only works if you already have all their numbers.

I would email them to remind and check if they are coming. - if you have email addresses.

hiddenmnetter
We had this!
First DC: Introverted, possible Asd, summer birthday. I got used to the idea that to get anyone at all, I would need to invite everyone he'd ever met and do regular reminders.
Tried the same routine for DC2: Fiercly sociable Queen bee type with a birthday bang in the middle of term: ended up with 26 kids all trying to use the bouncy castle at the same time!

I did end up putting a rant on Facebook and to be honest I don't care if those who haven't replied see the post or get told about it by another parent. The mums I'm close to at the school all replied and don't care if the others blank me from now on. If my daughter gets an invite to their child's party, then I simply won't reply, childish i know but well that's karma.☺️☺️

Just as well I've not invited your kid then isn't it.

Thank you to those who have given me helpful tips and thanks to those who have given not such helpful tips and have made me feel inadequate as a parent but I guess that's a risk you take when posting on here 😔😔

Leggyfrog.Just as well I've not invited your kid then isn't it.

No-one has been rude to you, @Patty79
Leggyfrog was perfectly reasonable and calm, as was everyone else as far as I can see.

But after your last few posts, I'm starting to see why you haven't had many acceptances. What a shame for your child.

Sara Clara,I never said anyone had been rude but that certain comments were unhelpful. I work damn hard to provide for my children. They get one big party for school friends when they are six and from then on it's a birthday tea or sleepover with couple of their closest friends. I don't think I'm asking much for people to reply a week before the party so I can sort the catering and party favours. You don't not reply to wedding invite and then turn up expecting there to be place setting for you. Or maybe that is the norm in our society today but I was raised to have manners and show courtesy

My DDS b'day was mostly half term.We would invite the whole class so no one would miss out knowing only a few would come.The same 8-10 came every year but no one ever replied,this was 10 years ago so it hadn't changed.
We were luck with a large houses and garden they could rampage in so the numbers didn't matter.The last one before at 9 she went down to a few friends,one girls mum asked if her dd had been in ited(she had) but so many didn't reply that I hadn't chased it up.She still got a late party bag.
On of our friends organised a bowling party,put Inthe invite when places would be booked so rspv.She booked for all those who replied and had a fun afternoon on the day to those who hadn't replied telling them they couldn't come in.
And the people who try to bring siblings...

Sadly I think it's the norm now. I've taken DS to loads of parties since Sept and have always made a point of RSVPing the day that I receive the invite. Having spoken to the parents at the party they have all said they have only had a few replies. I've got a party package booked for DSs 5th birthday and I'm dreading it now as I will be stressing about nobody turning up.

I have to be honest, one of my DC has an August birthday and we purposely have the party before school breaks up so people will actually make it.

Summer holiday baby here - always done parties before or after the holidays. During is pointless - people go away, have visitors and/or switch off from school entirely.

She's 6 so she'll be ok - honestly